When would you allow your kids to stay home all day every day in the summer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. He'll be 12 next summer and he really wants to stay home. DH thinks it would be fine.

I agree with all you guys saying that's too young but I'm not sure I can articulate why. I do trust him to not get into trouble. And I know that he hates situations where he's meeting people for the first time, so he would hate doing a week here and then another week somewhere else. I can't be home 4 hours a day, but he does like shooting baskets in the backyard so he'd do that on his own. And he would play electronics. He doesn't like to read so wouldn't do that willingly.

I don't know, it just seems lonely, sad and not productive.

I am an introvert who spends huge amounts of time alone. I also have an introverted DS who does not do summer camps because he also does not do well with the "start something new with new people" every week. I think there is a big difference between a kid choosing to be home alone because he needs downtime after a busy, thriving year at school, and a kid who stays home alone because there is no where else he feels comfortable and no friends he can connect with. There is not enough detail in your post to know if being home alone is going to be a good introvert recharge time for him, or if it's going to be lonely and sad because it was the only choice he felt comfortable enough to make.

The compromise for my kid, who is 11, is that he is doing a 5 week 1/2 day tutoring program which he needed anyway and at which he will see some friends from school. 3 days a week he also has afternoon or evening activities. One is solo (diving) and the other are groups where the same kids attend every week (one is a group for kids with anxiety/social issues, one is fitness related). A few times a month he also sees friends from school (sometimes they initiate, sometimes we do). The rest of the time he can choose what he wants to do, and it is a lot of staying at home.

I am lucky because I don't work in the summer, so it's easy for me to transport my kid wherever. I just suggest that you reflect a little on why your kid is alone, and if it's because he is anxious or has difficulty making friends, start thinking about how to address that. It might be as serious or structured as therapy, or it might be finding some evening clubs or activities he can do (after you get home from work) that are ongoing and where he can meet some other kids and feel more confident and comfortable getting out of the house and trying new things.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. I'm an introvert who had a SAHM and rarely did camps but spent most of my elementary and early middle school summers at the neighborhood pool/rec center and hanging out with my older sister. The summer I was 12 sister got a job and was not available to hang out, I wasn't comfortable being on my own at the pool -- with kids I'd known for years but I just was unable to navigate the social life there. I remember spending most of the summer in my room, reading. Yes, I like reading and being alone, but it was too much alone time but I didn't know what else to do with myself and my equally-introverted and friendship-lacking mother never encouraged me to do anything else. It took me years to build up my confidence and learn how to navigate friendships.

I know now (we've talked about it) my mom was coming at it from a place of having been an introverted kid whose very extroverted mom badgered her to always be doing more so she thought leaving me be was best. But there is a better middle ground of providing support and encouragement while also respecting the need to balance social engagement with alone time.

[Anonymous]

We started at age 14. By 13 most of the camps were no longer of interest to him and I was sick of paying for things just to "babysit" him. I agree with too much downtime/alone time isn't good either, so we have worked the summer out so the longest he goes without anything planned is a week. But its not all camps and he's home alone the majority of the time - with limits on screen time. He has chores he has to accomplish each day, and he has to exercise daily as well. He is also volunteering 12 hours a week - but can get himself to the location himself. We had a family vacation, one week long camp (soccer), volunteering. Its been a good balance of down time, alone time and being busy. Keeping him from getting isolated is important and a challenge as there aren't many kids within bike riding distance he can hang out with, when he is playing games online he's chatting with his friends. So far its been a much better summer than the year he hated the camps and I resented all of the time and money we put into them. It has been wonderful having a kid at home that is helping with the laundry, yard work and animal care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not asking when can a child stay home alone for short periods of time. I'm talking about a responsible kid who can definitely stay home alone for a few hours at a time. He's pretty introverted, so does not like camps, but parents work. He doesn't know other kids in the neighborhood. When would you let him spend the summer basically alone?

What exactly would he do all day?

[Anonymous]

I don’t plan to do that. I’m grateful to not have to. Grateful. I did that as a kid and it was soooo boring. Sometimes we went to the pool alone all day every weekday unsupervised. No lifeguard. Wouldn’t allow my child to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. He'll be 12 next summer and he really wants to stay home. DH thinks it would be fine.

I agree with all you guys saying that's too young but I'm not sure I can articulate why. I do trust him to not get into trouble. And I know that he hates situations where he's meeting people for the first time, so he would hate doing a week here and then another week somewhere else. I can't be home 4 hours a day, but he does like shooting baskets in the backyard so he'd do that on his own. And he would play electronics. He doesn't like to read so wouldn't do that willingly.

I don't know, it just seems lonely, sad and not productive.

I am an introvert who spends huge amounts of time alone. I also have an introverted DS who does not do summer camps because he also does not do well with the "start something new with new people" every week. I think there is a big difference between a kid choosing to be home alone because he needs downtime after a busy, thriving year at school, and a kid who stays home alone because there is no where else he feels comfortable and no friends he can connect with. There is not enough detail in your post to know if being home alone is going to be a good introvert recharge time for him, or if it's going to be lonely and sad because it was the only choice he felt comfortable enough to make.

The compromise for my kid, who is 11, is that he is doing a 5 week 1/2 day tutoring program which he needed anyway and at which he will see some friends from school. 3 days a week he also has afternoon or evening activities. One is solo (diving) and the other are groups where the same kids attend every week (one is a group for kids with anxiety/social issues, one is fitness related). A few times a month he also sees friends from school (sometimes they initiate, sometimes we do). The rest of the time he can choose what he wants to do, and it is a lot of staying at home.

I am lucky because I don't work in the summer, so it's easy for me to transport my kid wherever. I just suggest that you reflect a little on why your kid is alone, and if it's because he is anxious or has difficulty making friends, start thinking about how to address that. It might be as serious or structured as therapy, or it might be finding some evening clubs or activities he can do (after you get home from work) that are ongoing and where he can meet some other kids and feel more confident and comfortable getting out of the house and trying new things.

Good post. Essentially, does he want to be alone primarily because he's an introvert, or because he's got a significant amount of social anxiety that causes him to want to avoid social situations? If the latter, then I'm not sure staying home is the best remedy. Too much avoidance can definitely make social anxiety worse or at the very least, it can maintain the anxiety it over time.

[Anonymous]

This is the first year we've allowed our 13y twins to stay home during the summer for the whole week. We did 6 weeks of camp, 4 weeks home alone and 1 week of vacation.

I think they thought being home alone was going to be awesome - what they found out after day 3 was that they were bored. They have a list of school related work (30m math, 30 minutes Spanish, 1 hr reading, research some topic and discuss when I get home) plus chores that vary based on need (laundry, dishes, sweep deck, refill toliet paper in the house, etc) but those things take 3 hrs at most. They self wake at 8am and we don't get home until 5:30. Those are a lot of hours to play PS4 or watch YouTube.

They have swim team practice at night from 6:30-8 so they don't want to be at the pool all day. I think if we lived in an area where there were more kids around, it would be different, but we don't.

[Anonymous]

Isn’t this what practically ever kid did in the 80s and 90s?

[Anonymous]

I would not because I’m guessing the kid would be on electronics much of the time. I also think it’s not good for mental health to be so isolated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never really, I think kids need to do something productive for at least part of the summer. My 14 yo would be content to read and play video games alone every single day, but I don't let him.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t this what practically ever kid did in the 80s and 90s?

This is OP. I've been reading the responses with interest. I stayed home in the 80's but there were lots of friends in the neighborhood that I played with. If my son had that, I'd be more inclined to let him be home. But we don't have a lot of kids, and they all seem to go to different schools so we don't really know them. No one goes outside. It's a bit sad, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t this what practically ever kid did in the 80s and 90s?

This is OP. I've been reading the responses with interest. I stayed home in the 80's but there were lots of friends in the neighborhood that I played with. If my son had that, I'd be more inclined to let him be home. But we don't have a lot of kids, and they all seem to go to different schools so we don't really know them. No one goes outside. It's a bit sad, really.

In that case, I would tell him he has to have a few things planned every week. And I would turn off the WiFi on those days.

[Anonymous]

OP--give him 2-3 weeks (maybe not in a row) of alone time next summer so he can try it out. Other weeks you need to fill somehow (grandparent camp? actual camp?; college babysitter that can take him to museums. or to meet up with friends etc).

[Anonymous]

I grew up before the internet and video games. I spent high school summers at home. No friends nearby. I spent the entire time home alone reading. I was fine with it! But I was, and am still, an introverted bookworm type.

[Anonymous]

We allow our 12 year old to do this. She has two one-week camps and the rest of the time she's home alone.

My wife does get off work early and is home by 4:30 most days.

She's allowed to go visit friends and go to the community pool if she texts before she leaves and let's us know when she's heading home. We have a pool at our house but she's not allowed to swim alone in it or have friends over if no adult is home. She can cook whatever because she's great in the kitchen. She can have friends over but they have to stay downstairs on the main level or in the basement area (both areas are monitored with cameras). No friends upstairs in her room if no adults are home.