Would you be offended?

[Anonymous]

I hope the other mom’s dump you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re mean OP. My daughter has a really tough time on play dates and pushes and hits. I feel really sad about this and we are working on the behavior at home. I would feel terrible if she was no longer invited over. Put yourself in the moms shoes. Tell her your concerns don’t just exclude a freaking kid.

I don't think OP should exclude the other child. However, if my child was pushing and hitting other children, that would end the playdate for my child. I'd take her home. Hopefully it would reinforce that the behavior is unacceptable and she'd learn. At the very least, it would protect the other children.

When I was a preschooler, my mom had a very nice friend whose daughter was a holy terror. Unfortunately, the mom was so nice that no matter what the daughter did to me, the mother would only say in a syrupy sweet voice, "Now Larla, that's not nice." The not nice things she did included putting gum in my hair, hitting me, and biting me. One time, I tripped over their coffee table trying to run away. It left a scar on my eyelid, but I consider myself fortunate not to have lost the eye.

You may feel really sad when your daughter pushes and hits other children, but I guarantee her victims are sad too. Put yourself in the child's shoes and think what it would feel like to be pushed and hit by someone else because they're having a "really tough time".

wow thanks for assuming I just send my daughter on play dates and let her terrorize kids. She doesn’t go, was I not clear we’re working through her issues at home? When she’s somewhere and we have an issue of course we leave immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re mean OP. My daughter has a really tough time on play dates and pushes and hits. I feel really sad about this and we are working on the behavior at home. I would feel terrible if she was no longer invited over. Put yourself in the moms shoes. Tell her your concerns don’t just exclude a freaking kid.

I don't think OP should exclude the other child. However, if my child was pushing and hitting other children, that would end the playdate for my child. I'd take her home. Hopefully it would reinforce that the behavior is unacceptable and she'd learn. At the very least, it would protect the other children.

When I was a preschooler, my mom had a very nice friend whose daughter was a holy terror. Unfortunately, the mom was so nice that no matter what the daughter did to me, the mother would only say in a syrupy sweet voice, "Now Larla, that's not nice." The not nice things she did included putting gum in my hair, hitting me, and biting me. One time, I tripped over their coffee table trying to run away. It left a scar on my eyelid, but I consider myself fortunate not to have lost the eye.

You may feel really sad when your daughter pushes and hits other children, but I guarantee her victims are sad too. Put yourself in the child's shoes and think what it would feel like to be pushed and hit by someone else because they're having a "really tough time".

wow thanks for assuming I just send my daughter on play dates and let her terrorize kids. She doesn’t go, was I not clear we’re working through her issues at home? When she’s somewhere and we have an issue of course we leave immediately.

In that case, I appreciate you taking it so seriously. It wasn't clear to me from your earlier post. I'm sorry for jumping to an incorrect conclusion.

[Anonymous]

To answer your question, yes, I would be offended if you didn't discuss with me why we weren't invited.

But, I get you, there was a girl who was very mean to my daughter when she was around the age of your kid. Not physical, but mental and vocal meanness over and above typical behavior of a child that age. Oddly, she would be this way to my daughter in a public place and when we were at their house, but not at our house. Therefore, I could remove my daughter from the situation.

I would invite the kid, but if things got out of hand, at that point, let the mom know you are uncomfortable. It puts the mom in a position to do something about it so you don't look like the bad guy.

[Anonymous]

Don't do this, OP.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is older, but the moms in our group of elementary school kids are pretty good about addressing issues when they arise between kids. One mom was nice enough to tell me that there had been some mean girl stuff at her daughter's birthday party. (directed at my kid.) And I've mentioned to another mom when our daughter's seemed to be having issues getting along. That's how I phrased it - "Jane and Sue seem to be provoking and teasing each other - we might want to keep an eye on that for a bit." I'm a youth coach so I sometimes see dynamics that the parents aren't there to see, so I'll give moms a heads up that their kids seem to be in a rough patch.

So I'd invite the kid, but tactfully tell the mom, "hey, do me a favor and help me keep an eye on the boys. They seem to have developed a very rough style of play." If she's paying attention, she'll figure out pretty quickly that the roughness is more one-sided.

[Anonymous]

There's a kid in my son's preschool class that is known for being unkind, yelling and pushing. We are inviting this kid to my son's birthday party. The last thing we want is for Larlo to grow up excluded, turn into a loner, and end up on the evening news. Be extra kind to Larlos. It takes a village.

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing you’re new to this whole having friends thing. You’re ridiculous. Not only will she be offended I hope they all stop talking to you, which is the most likely result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be offended if it was my kid being excluded and I would be just as offended if I was one of the other moms in the group. I’d be honest and tell you how offensive it and remind you that all children do this to each other and I promise one day it will be your child that hits. You think this mother wants her child to misbehave? Have some sympathy and support and help each other not exclude.

I would never do what OP suggested. But all 4 year olds do not hit. Some may be hit, but it is up to their parents to keep an eye on them. I will not react well to a 4 year old hitting my child. The parents need to closely monitor their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a kid in my son's preschool class that is known for being unkind, yelling and pushing. We are inviting this kid to my son's birthday party. The last thing we want is for Larlo to grow up excluded, turn into a loner, and end up on the evening news. Be extra kind to Larlos. It takes a village.

We have a similar dynamic in my school. I talk to the kid in front of the parents if the parents don't step in when the kid hits others(I think they may be distracted and not notice sometimes). It has never been a problem.

[Anonymous]

While I understand the desire to not have that child/mom at your house, it will cause a lot of drama in this playgroup. I’d invite them but tell the mom that ‘it looks like our DCs are going through a rough play phase; can we please keep a close watch on them’. And then watch them like a hawk and intervene at the earliest sign (I know it’s annoying to have to do this but it sorta goes with the territory of toddler/preschooler playgroup.)