If your husband travels for work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should just own the fact that it is easier for your family for you to stay home. Who cares what other people think?

+1

Why do you care if you're judged by people who don't have as many options as you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH also travels for work every week, and I have a full time job. It is NOT easy finding flexible, part-time help for after-school activities, especially since your youngest will need a bit more hand holding than the other kids, who will just need a driver. If you quit your job because of a negative experience at one daycare center, then my guess is you will be very unhappy with your childcare or driver options for your children. Au pairs require a lot of training, and often get into car accidents since they are relatively young drivers who are unfamiliar with driving in the US. The only kids at my kids' grade school who have "drivers" also have a nanny to accompany the kids (nanny doesn't drive). Maybe you could find a nanny who drives, and pay her full time hours so she doesn't quit after a few months when she finds a full-time position.
Considering the reality of a single-parent household a few days of the week, it would have been A LOT easier to manage without an outside job. However, I LOVE my job, can't imagine life without, and we need my healthcare benefits, so staying at home wasn't an option. If your only reason for getting your feet back into the workforce is to answer the "what do you do" question from strangers, then the hassle and hardship will not sustain you or your family.

So this. I know a ton of families with au pairs who either had a car accident or a major scare (AP caught blowing through stop signs by police, and so on). I've also had friends who have noticed suspicious damage on their vehicle (meaning, the AP got into something and didn't admit it). You're basically taking a village person from a place like Guatemala or wherever and expecting them to navigate complex traffic laws...WITH YOUR KIDS in the car.

Much like swimming pools, vehicles are very deadly places for children. This board seems to accept the deadly nature of pools, but the second you question anyone for having someone else drive their kid, you get told you're paranoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So this. I know a ton of families with au pairs who either had a car accident or a major scare (AP caught blowing through stop signs by police, and so on). I've also had friends who have noticed suspicious damage on their vehicle (meaning, the AP got into something and didn't admit it). You're basically taking a village person from a place like Guatemala or wherever and expecting them to navigate complex traffic laws...WITH YOUR KIDS in the car.

Much like swimming pools, vehicles are very deadly places for children. This board seems to accept the deadly nature of pools, but the second you question anyone for having someone else drive their kid, you get told you're paranoid.

There are au pair programs that take "a village person from a place like Guatemala or wherever"? How about that.

[Anonymous]

I've hosted au pairs for a handful of years, and they all got into relatively minor accidents...fortunately, the kids were not in the car. Haven't met a village person from Guatamala yet

[Anonymous]

I only hire Germans with ample driving experience. It’s really easy not to hire Colombians. You simply... don’t

[Anonymous]

My German au pairs got into plenty of accidents- happens to anyone, regardless of nation of origen.

[Anonymous]

I guess a lot of women really don't want to work. Instead of helping OP with her questions, PPs are telling her to get a volunteer job! That's crazy! You think a woman doesn't like to earn her own money just because her husband makes six figures? It's called self-sufficiency.

[Anonymous]

Listen, you can easily set up aftercare during the workweek. That’s how dual working parents handle it. Of course, that means no after school activities for the kids.

You have decide if Larla taking ballet and Larlo going to karate a couple afternoons a week is worth giving up a career for.

Life is about choices. Nobody can have everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess a lot of women really don't want to work. Instead of helping OP with her questions, PPs are telling her to get a volunteer job! That's crazy! You think a woman doesn't like to earn her own money just because her husband makes six figures? It's called self-sufficiency.

Some women do, some women don't - or so I assume, based on my experience that women aren't a monolith. But it's true that I haven't met many women whose husbands make in the high six figures, so I can't say for sure in this particular circumstance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listen, you can easily set up aftercare during the workweek. That’s how dual working parents handle it. Of course, that means no after school activities for the kids.

You have decide if Larla taking ballet and Larlo going to karate a couple afternoons a week is worth giving up a career for.

Life is about choices. Nobody can have everything.

Or Larlo taking ballet and Larla going to karate a couple afternoons a week. Just saying.

[Anonymous]

I think the challenge here is that when you are a working mom, when your kids transition into elementary school and beyond, you choose schools and activities that work for you and DH's work and travel schedule. It's incredibly difficult to reverse this process and find a job plus help that will accommodate multiple different schools/drop-offs/pick-ups/activities, especially if you are new to the role and don't have the seniority to flex hours, WFH, and/or have one day that you leave early to get Larla to soccer. Not to mention you will need to find care for all summer, school holidays, spring break, etc... because you may not have the seniority to have your pick of time off, depending on the role.

I think if you want to do this, which is great, you have to accept that for a while it will take a lot of extra help, and you have to pay a lot for that help when it means driving, until you can transition kids into activities that work better for a two-working parent household, and even then you will probably need some nanny coverage at home, unless you want to drag all three kids to each activity. Families manage this all the time, but they are usually doing it the traditional way which is that working parents only sign kids up for the stuff they can manage around their work schedules.

[Anonymous]

Get a job and hire childcare. Even if you don't make much money now you will be back in the workforce and eventually able to support yourself if your marriage does not work out. I made the mistake of staying home because my husband travels frequently for work and I thought it was better for the kids: I didn't want them to have to do aftercare and give up their activities, etc... I wish someone had warned me several years ago about the trap of being dependent on my husband so I could stay home with the kids. He resents me now for not having a job and I am struggling to find employment.

[Anonymous]

New poster here.

I'm in somewhat of the same position as OP (except my kids are younger) so I am reading this thread with interest.

For those who say, get a volunteer job, what kinds of jobs have you volunteered for that were personally meaningful for you and worth the time? I don't want to volunteer for an organization and be told to make photocopies the whole time, kwim? Just curious as to what others' experiences have been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here.

I'm in somewhat of the same position as OP (except my kids are younger) so I am reading this thread with interest.

For those who say, get a volunteer job, what kinds of jobs have you volunteered for that were personally meaningful for you and worth the time? I don't want to volunteer for an organization and be told to make photocopies the whole time, kwim? Just curious as to what others' experiences have been.

I volunteer weekly at a hospital interacting with patients and it is immensely rewarding. In the past, I have volunteered at a wildlife refuge and local animal shelters. It completely depends what is available in your area within a reasonable commute and what your interests are. Usually there are meaningful volunteer opportunities if you make a real commitment to a certain number of hours per week.

[Anonymous]

He and I each travel for work. We have a nanny and give him "rights of first refusal" when we're asking him to work longer hours due to travel. If he doesn't want the overtime then we have an "adopted grandpa" who can watch the kids for a couple of hours, or the parent who is home can work from home, etc. We just make it work.