If your husband travels for work

[Anonymous]

What does your husband think? You are going to stop contributing everything that you do as a SAHM, and in turn contribute little to nothing in terms of family finances? That sounds like a recipe for a lot of stress and resentment on both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your husband typically only travel during the week? Is he usually off on weekends? How flexible are his vacations and holidays?

I have a friend in a similar position. She is a nurse, and her husband is an internationally known physician who does a lot of travel. Part of the reason she doesn’t work is because, like you, she doesn’t need the money. But also, she likes to be off and home when he is off. If he has vacation, she wants to be able to go on a family vacation. If her husband has Christmas off, then she likes to also have Christmas off. Plus they have day dates if her husband is traveling or working over the weekend, and he has another day off during the week.
She talks sometimes about going back to work, but really, I don’t understand why she would. It seems obvious from the outside that it is better for her family and her marriage that she remain at home.

But maybe it's better for her to work.

[Anonymous]

My husband is in the military and is stationed away from us. So I own and manage a business plus my special needs son and our household. I make it work even if I would prefer to have help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you like SAH OP? Do you need the money a job would bring in?

We don't need the money (husband makes high six figures) but I always thought SAH was just a temporary thing. We had a really bad experience at a daycare center with our first and I quit so they could be home and do Montessori preschool which doesn't cover working hours.

I guess I just feel insecure about SAH and not having a "real" job. I feel like people look down on me for it, especially in this area where "what do you do" is the first thing people ask.

My husband traveling for work is a hard obstacle to get around though. I have to do everything while he is gone obviously and it's tiring. I haven't tried working full time on top of it.

Hi OP. First, I would like to tell you not to feel insecure. Anyone who looks down on you for being a SAHM is not worth your time. Seriously.

On the other hand, if you would *like* to work, it's worth thinking about how this could all work. A big question would be what your schedule would be like and how much flexibility it would afford. It does sound like you could also afford to hire help to ferry the kids around.

I am a WOHM mom with two kids and a husband that travels a lot. I do all drop off and pick up to school, almost all of the sick days and days school is closed, and all the weekday activities even when he is home. The way I make it work is (1) I am 30 hours a week instead of full-time and (2) I am choosy about what they enroll in. The 3/4-time schedule gives me enough flexibility that I can let them do things a few days a week and the other days I have them in aftercare, so that I can stay later at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you work yourself? How do you make it all work?

The background to my question is: I'm a SAHM. Our youngest is starting kindergarten next year. I always figured I would try to go back to work then. However, I started thinking about it and I don't know how I could get it all done without a paying a nanny (which would cost more than I bring home). We have two older kids who are in two different schools. One has to be dropped off 3-4 times a week in the morning for orchestra rehearsals and I have to pick them up in the afternoon twice a week to get them to their activities on time.

All three have activities from anywhere between 4-5:30 five nights a week.

My husband is usually on the road 2-4 nights a week.

If you work, did you hire someone to do the driving? Do you just do activities on the weekend?

Maybe I should plan to SAH until they reach middle school and the busing and activities take place at school?

DH and I both work FT. I travel occasionally for work. DH WAH and only goes to an office once every couple of months. We have 2 kids who go to 2 different schools and a toddler who goes to daycare. The boys take buses to/from school and get themselves on and off their buses. DD's daycare is less than a quarter mile from our house. One DS has cub scouts and one DS has multiple therapies each week plus monthly doctor visits.

I try to make my travel infrequent ... no more than one trip every two months. We don't have family and don't use a sitter frequently, so we minimize outside activities. When I'm out of town, we try to schedule what we can for the boys while DD is in daycare. If not, then all the kids get carted along to appointments. It's not ideal but DS's therapist office has a play area.

When I'm not traveling we split therapies maybe 60/40 (me taking DS the majority of the time). I do almost all of the cub scouts stuff (and am den leader).

Last year DS had therapies that were 5 evenings/week and resulted in 2hrs out of the house total every evening. I took him (and DD with us) to almost all of them. It just about broke us physically, emotionally, and financially, but we were able to pull through it because it was 1) extremely effective for DS and 2) we had an end date. In the end, if you have to do something, you find a way to do it.

[Anonymous]

We have a full-time nanny. She comes in the morning and takes the kids to school (private without a bus option for our neighborhood) because it's out of the way to our works. Then she generally has the days free when they're in school but she's there if they're sick or have a day off or whatever. Don't just look at your salary versus the cost of a nanny - I'm sure I don't have to tell you this but there are things like retirement and possibly health insurance and other things that come from working that can't be simply offset against the cost of a nanny.

When my husband travels, our nanny is my spouse. She will stay later and help with dinner if needed or get the kids' stuff ready for the next day, etc. She doesn't always do that, but when I've had a rough day at work it's nice to know I won't be alone with everything when I walk through the door. At your kids' ages, consider that you could have more of a babysitter/house manager role than your typical nanny (we've had ours since our kids were born, so she's truly a nanny but she has taken on other responsibilities over time as well because she decided she wanted to stay with us than move on to another family with a baby). A house manager can handle grocery shopping, food prep, errands, etc.

[Anonymous]

My husband travels for work and I don’t work. The juggle is too hard. Same boat as you, 6 figures, young kids about to be elementary school age. I know other families do it because they have too. But it’s a struggle for me as it is. Two different schools, scheduling house work while my husband travels. I plan to join organizations that relate to my previous field and attend fundraisers to causes I enjoy.

I feel guilty sometimes but for me to get balance and me time, I need to stay home. My plan is to network in case I want to go back but if I don’t, then I’ll plan on paying into disability insurance.