Married for 15 years and I don’t understand my spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, first, and unrelated, watching water spill and move across the table like that is something that is really common; there's a transfixion that occurs.

( fyi another thing (more worrisome) is if a child is in water that is too hot; they'll scream that it's too hot but don't move to get out of it. )

Ok now on to your issue...it's not good to tell your DH to "stay out of it" in front of your child. It's not good for the child, and it's not good for your marriage. There's something nasty in there.

That being said, he shouldn't have said "leave him alone" to you, but said, "comeon, Larlo! Let's grab the paper towels, quick before the water gets to the books!..." That's something either you or he should have said. You know, focus on the solution, not on the problem or the interaction between each other.

But OP, if your DH is storming out, not speaking to you, and then telling you that you are too harsh with the kids, you need to listen to him. Really. Just pull down your defenses, and sit with him at a time there is no chance of kid-interuption, and ask him to explain this. And don't argue; just listen.

You don't have to agree with him, and don't have to tell him you disagree. Just listen to him. If you get ONE thing out of it, one kernel of truth that will help you, great. And the by-product is your DH will know you are trying to be better, and it will help your marriage.

Ding Ding Ding! I think this is the main reason OP's DH was upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, first, and unrelated, watching water spill and move across the table like that is something that is really common; there's a transfixion that occurs.

( fyi another thing (more worrisome) is if a child is in water that is too hot; they'll scream that it's too hot but don't move to get out of it. )

Ok now on to your issue...it's not good to tell your DH to "stay out of it" in front of your child. It's not good for the child, and it's not good for your marriage. There's something nasty in there.

That being said, he shouldn't have said "leave him alone" to you, but said, "comeon, Larlo! Let's grab the paper towels, quick before the water gets to the books!..." That's something either you or he should have said. You know, focus on the solution, not on the problem or the interaction between each other.

But OP, if your DH is storming out, not speaking to you, and then telling you that you are too harsh with the kids, you need to listen to him. Really. Just pull down your defenses, and sit with him at a time there is no chance of kid-interuption, and ask him to explain this. And don't argue; just listen.

You don't have to agree with him, and don't have to tell him you disagree. Just listen to him. If you get ONE thing out of it, one kernel of truth that will help you, great. And the by-product is your DH will know you are trying to be better, and it will help your marriage.

The bolded. This is probably what your DH is sulky about. He should have handled it better too. But you were very bad. OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be pretty pissed if my DH reacted to spilled water the way you did. You should both take a parenting class.

When my daughter was little if she dropped something I'd yell, "Pick it up!" because she just stood there. I wanted her to stop freezing. Now at 15, she can often catch something mid-fall. She is glad I pushed her through her instinct to just stand there looking at what fell.

All this coddling is way too much.

I don't know of any teenager who is glad about anything their parent did. I have a feeling she just says she is, because she's terrified you'll yell at her.