Are we reaching a point where getting married/having children/owning home is just to damn expensive?

[Anonymous]

I am 29 and DH is 32. Combined HHI of $165k. We are moving from Atlanta to my midwestern hometown so we can buy a home and have kids. That’s the only way to make it feasible, and we don’t have student loans or other significant debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I watch a single friend enter her retirement, married is definitely the way to go financially, at least in her case.

Single friend with 3 houses instead of 3 kids, I'll be fine dear - my money isn't going towards college funds.

You’re not her friend. Don’t be so defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 29 and DH is 32. Combined HHI of $165k. We are moving from Atlanta to my midwestern hometown so we can buy a home and have kids. That’s the only way to make it feasible, and we don’t have student loans or other significant debt.

Atlanta is not that expensive....

Are you genuinely saying you can't make it on 165k in Atlanta?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I watch a single friend enter her retirement, married is definitely the way to go financially, at least in her case.

Single friend with 3 houses instead of 3 kids, I'll be fine dear - my money isn't going towards college funds.

Yes, another one of those "but I'm the exception" posts. Great for you. Statistically speaking, married couples are financially better off than singles. Joint incomes allows for many more possibilities and greater financial security. Singles are at a much higher risk of financial disasters because if they lose their job they are hit much more. Even only a short term redundancy lasting half a year can really wallop a single's long term finances because they lose that prospective income and have to dip into savings to survive and that savings isn't invested for the long run.

Marrieds with joint incomes relative to singles with the same income as each partner in the marriage are able to buy better housing in better areas, build up equity more easily and establish themselves more securely for the long run.

It's definitely easier to be married than single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 29 and DH is 32. Combined HHI of $165k. We are moving from Atlanta to my midwestern hometown so we can buy a home and have kids. That’s the only way to make it feasible, and we don’t have student loans or other significant debt.

LOL, are you for real?

My DH and I have a lower HHI and yet we own a home in DC and have a kid and are planning to have another. I also have significant student loan debt. How you can't "afford" to buy a home and have kids in Atlanta with $165K/year is just incomprehensible to me.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I hope my daughters are smarter than I was and do not get married and do not have kids. I love my kids but motherhood is exhausting and expensive. And spouses can be unreliable.
I hope they save all their money and spend it travelling the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know lots of people in their 30s who can't afford to buy homes and who have decided against kids. It's not limited to expensive areas. That generation has crippling school loans, poor job prospects, and a lot of (justified) unease about where this country is heading.

I'm 38 and have always felt that I squeaked in before things tanked - first in the job market, then housing. We live in a small house with a poor commute and we've decided to have only one kid. I feel fortunate in what we have; my sister is 5 years younger, has way more debt, and us married but likely won't have kids. We are not as well off as our parents were at this age, even though our parents grew up poor and we didn't.

Similar situation here- I feel very fortunate to have gotten my job when I did, it seems like more recent graduates in my field struggle to find something permanent. We married at 33, bought a starter house at 35 and had a kid a year later- but really we were fortunate that DH had no student loans and had been able to save a lot. He also inherited some $ from his grandmother which helped with the down payment. My sister lives in a different city that has a slightly lower COL but rising. Both she and her DH have student loans and he just finished his PhD. I think she’s accepted that they’ll just have to rent for a while - they found a bigger rental out in the burbs and are expecting their first. But it’s funny to think about how our parents, who had much lower paying blue collar jobs, bought their first house when they were 25! Different time and place.

[Anonymous]

In my friend group I am one of the only ones who has kids (33) but I have like 4 friends who are pregnant right now. I was just early. It definitely kicks in. Home ownership is a little more delayed but people are also slowly moving in that direction. Three friends have bought in the last few years.

My DH purchased his first house when he was 31 with some help from his parents. We got married and lived in that house and just bought a new one. But we did leave DC to get a bigger house closer to a metro area than we could have gotten in dc.

I think people are moving towards traditional families, they just don't start as early as they do in parts of the country outside the big metro areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are we starting to reach the point where it is just too expensive and no longer worth it?

Sure there is the welfare and government assistance option but I am talking about for the average person and/or couple.

Nothing wrong in welfare, govt assistance and not paying taxes. We need to take lessons from the poor and the rich. You think Trump pays for anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I hope my daughters are smarter than I was and do not get married and do not have kids. I love my kids but motherhood is exhausting and expensive. And spouses can be unreliable.
I hope they save all their money and spend it travelling the world.

This was the guiding philosophy in my mother-in-law's family in the 1930s, 40s, and 50s: always work for pay, because husbands can die or run off. It's nothing new.

[Anonymous]

It's only too expensive if you are not willing to make trade-offs. Instead of spending money on a fancy car and vacations when single, now you have a mortgage, child care, college etc. Yes, all of that is expensive but millions of households make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 29 and DH is 32. Combined HHI of $165k. We are moving from Atlanta to my midwestern hometown so we can buy a home and have kids. That’s the only way to make it feasible, and we don’t have student loans or other significant debt.

LOL, are you for real?

My DH and I have a lower HHI and yet we own a home in DC and have a kid and are planning to have another. I also have significant student loan debt. How you can't "afford" to buy a home and have kids in Atlanta with $165K/year is just incomprehensible to me.

They probably mean they can't buy in a tiny few square miles area of Atlanta known for shops, eateries, schools, and a semi-walkable community. Houses there go for 600K and up.

They can still buy in the best walkable/downtown areas of most Midwestern cities for 300K and up which means they still get to lord life over their relatives and say they can walk to Starbucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's only too expensive if you are not willing to make trade-offs. Instead of spending money on a fancy car and vacations when single, now you have a mortgage, child care, college etc. Yes, all of that is expensive but millions of households make it work.

To a point. Not everyone is buying fancy cars or taking fancy vacations while single.....but thanks for the generalization.

[Anonymous]

Just simply being alive is becoming way too expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Housing, housing, housing.
We have exited the golden age of the post-war era, when incomes were rising for the fat middle of the population and housing was relatively affordable. As suggested by the PP, most people under 30 cannot buy a single family house in a decent school district within a 20 minute commute of their job.

The data suggest that more and more people think they will not do as well financially as their parents. And they are deciding not to have kids.

Sure they can just not in the top 5 most expensive metro areas in the US aka NY, SF, DC, Seattle, and Austin/Denver/???

Let me repeat this is only an issue for at most less than 10% of the total population of the United States

80.7% of Americans live in cities.
https://www.reuters.com/article/usa-cities-population/more-americans-move-to-cities-in-past-decade-census-idUSL2E8EQ5AJ20120326

14% of the U.S. population lives in the NYC, SF and LA areas alone.