behavior color cards? does anyone find this offensive?

[Anonymous]

But if one child is destroying all the markers, believe me, the kids already know that. Also, why should one child be coddled and allowed to destroy the classroom materials so that no one else can use them? I can understand squirmy kids but outright destructive behavior shouldn't be tolerated and at least a modicum of self control can be developed in a young child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Any balanced kid is not going to need therapy in the future b/c of some behavior card s/he received in elementary school.

I didn't say she needed therapy because of it. I said it didn't actually help her behave at school, which is what I thought was the goal? If the means does not achieve the goal, how much sense does it make to continue to use it? The card system works for some some kids but is miserable for others. In any case, it is not NECESSARY because not all teachers feel a need to use them. I can assure you me kid is not coddled. We work with her on her behavior and her issues EVERY day. But that does not mean that she always behaves. The reason I am not overly worried long term is because she is extremely similar to me at the same age. And yet, despite that, I managed to become a productive, well adjusted adult. I just had to grow up, gain maturity and settle down.

The lack of compassion that some people have for highly sensitive children is astounding to me.

The mere fact that you're labeling children as highly sensitive is "astounding." If you're referring to the book, The Highly Sensitive Child, you're referring to children with overly sensitive nervous systems.

If not, and your child is easily hurt or offended, you are indeed coddling her. Or perhaps coddling is not correct term. Perhaps you're reinforcing her behavior b/c you're too attentive ("We work with her on her behavior and her issues EVERY day."). Kids love attention, and for those who crave it, negative attention is still attention.

MOST kids I've taught in the past who misbehaved or acted out or who were easily hurt had the extremes for parents. Either they were absent or they were helicopter parents, always hovering around while trying to solve every problem faced by their children.

[Anonymous]

The mere fact that you're labeling children as highly sensitive is "astounding." If you're referring to the book, The Highly Sensitive Child, you're referring to children with overly sensitive nervous systems.

Um, yes? Not quite sure what your point is. Her neuruspych eval says that she has GAD and immature regulatory control. Pardon me for using "sensitive" as shorthand. We work with her daily on the things that her therapist suggests are good for helping her overcome these issues and to give her coping mechanisms to use when we are not with her. If we did not work with her would we then be denounced for not "doing something" about behaviors that cause problems for her in school? I guess there's no way to win as a parent in this scenario.

And FWIW, my younger DD is nothing like her older sister in this regard. She is confident, outgoing and tough as nails. Both parented in the same way. Sometimes kids just are what they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The mere fact that you're labeling children as highly sensitive is "astounding." If you're referring to the book, The Highly Sensitive Child, you're referring to children with overly sensitive nervous systems.

Um, yes? Not quite sure what your point is. Her neuruspych eval says that she has GAD and immature regulatory control. Pardon me for using "sensitive" as shorthand. We work with her daily on the things that her therapist suggests are good for helping her overcome these issues and to give her coping mechanisms to use when we are not with her. If we did not work with her would we then be denounced for not "doing something" about behaviors that cause problems for her in school? I guess there's no way to win as a parent in this scenario.

And FWIW, my younger DD is nothing like her older sister in this regard. She is confident, outgoing and tough as nails. Both parented in the same way. Sometimes kids just are what they are.

Your kid has a physical issue - very different from a behavioral issue. No one's knocking that. You should have been clear from the start. Most of the points made on this thread address techniques used with kids who have no impulse control or who have never been asked to follow rules.

quite different situations - just as you see in your own children

[Anonymous]

Most of the points made on this thread address techniques used with kids who have no impulse control or who have never been asked to follow rules.

Do you truly believe the color card system works for kids in these situations? If a kid has no impulse control (and would that not be a diagnosis of some sort?) then how will the cards help? And a kid who has never been asked to follow rules, yes I know they exist, but seriously? Is the card system really going to change that?

My issue with the card system is that is does not do what people claim it does. If you have a kid who is basically calm and just needs some occasional reinforcement then anything will work for them. If they have "issues", whether it's a diagnosed condition, crappy parenting, hyper parenting, whatever, does the card system fix that? Of course not.

So all the system does is reinforce the kids who are already not a problem and makes the others feel bad about their struggles. But it sure is easier than actually getting to know each kid and finding out what makes them tick. And I know that's a pipe dream in most schools these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Most of the points made on this thread address techniques used with kids who have no impulse control or who have never been asked to follow rules.

Do you truly believe the color card system works for kids in these situations? If a kid has no impulse control (and would that not be a diagnosis of some sort?) then how will the cards help? And a kid who has never been asked to follow rules, yes I know they exist, but seriously? Is the card system really going to change that?

My issue with the card system is that is does not do what people claim it does. If you have a kid who is basically calm and just needs some occasional reinforcement then anything will work for them. If they have "issues", whether it's a diagnosed condition, crappy parenting, hyper parenting, whatever, does the card system fix that? Of course not.

So all the system does is reinforce the kids who are already not a problem and makes the others feel bad about their struggles. But it sure is easier than actually getting to know each kid and finding out what makes them tick. And I know that's a pipe dream in most schools these days.

Do we know if the color card system is the only system in place? Perhaps there's a reward incentive also offered. The point is this - I had some harsh teachers as a kid, and I'm fine. In fact, to this day, at our reunions, we still laugh about some of the incidents we experienced in elementary school. Kids should learn to deal with all sorts of personalities and procedures b/c that's what life is about. You'll have crappy bosses, and you may be lucky to have a boss or two who actually gives you strokes.

A "bad" color card is not going to scar you for life. And I know that MOST teachers try to find the root of a kid's misbehavior, but there are only so many hours in a day to devote to a job before you crash and burn. Parents need to kick it up. So if your kid's a pain in the ass for one reason or another, do something about it.