Separated for 2yrs—going from 50/50 to me being primary

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here—we got joint legal but with me deciding in the event of an impasse.

OP, just to sum up - your exDH decided he wanted to move several counties away to live with GF and sued you for sole custody. you defended yourself in court by saying you wanted sole custody to keep kids in current school situation and you probably pointed out exDH's substance abuse problems when contesting his request for sole custody. Child support is not at issue because you are the higher earner and you pay him. You won sole physical and joint legal custody w/you as the tiebreaker at impasse.

Since Dad is refusing to tell together, I think you should just tell the kids first. Say that Dad decided to move to X location, and the court decided that the kids should continue to stay in the current home with you. Explain whatever the new visitation is. This is what kids want to know - when will they see Dad? They may be angry, but you have to stay calm. Empathize. They do not have to be happy about this development. No one, including you wanted Daddy to move away. But, sometimes in life stuff happens that we don't have any control over and we can't do anything about it. We just have to live as best we can with it.

Focus on your relationship with them. Make sure you have some activities and some downtime on weekends. Try to expand your network of supportive friends and family that spend time with kids.

FWIW, moving away sounds bad, but I am in a situation where substance abusing Dad didn't move away with GF. Rather he lives close by but still often cancels and does inappropriate things. It's very painful to the kids that he's so close and cares so little. Being further away would make it easier to forget.