DD's behavior issues at school?

[Anonymous]

OP: The fact that your kid has seemingly intentionally tried to injure kids past the age where she definitely "understands" injuries are real/not take back-able (usually 3 or 4 for most kids), is a huge red flag. This is way outside of normal behavior. Please, please see a developmental pediatrician for an eval. I actually cannot understand how you could get kicked out of multiple schools for behavior is fine terrifying if my 2 year old did it more than once and haven't sought help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: The fact that your kid has seemingly intentionally tried to injure kids past the age where she definitely "understands" injuries are real/not take back-able (usually 3 or 4 for most kids), is a huge red flag. This is way outside of normal behavior. Please, please see a developmental pediatrician for an eval. I actually cannot understand how you could get kicked out of multiple schools for behavior is fine terrifying if my 2 year old did it more than once and haven't sought help.

While I agree the OP should get her child evaluated, you don't sound like you've spent much time lately in elementary schools. Kids still try to intentionally injure each other throughout that age; they just do it increasingly sneakingly or shift to psychological tactics instead of physical ones for the same reason (no visible scars). Kids will be as cruel as a society allows them to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Where is the part of your post where you detail the visits to the developmental pediatrician or child psychologist, the evaluations she had, and the diagnoses and discussion about treatment?

PLEASE tell me you did something along those lines in the two years between her first expulsion and this year's problems.

If you didn't, shame on you. This poor child is crying out for help. She has a mental disorder (and ADHD is probably the main factor, but there could be something else as well).

I absolutely totally agree with this PP. Only part I'm not totally aligned with is being certain that your DD has a mental disorder. I think there's a LOT that you're not telling us about her history, so I'm not so sure it's not trauma-related or related to a total absence of consequences at home when she was much younger. Or some other situational source of stress/anxiety/problematic behavior.

But PP is right on point with the bottom line: What in the world have you been doing over the last 2 years to get her further evaluated? What does her Ped say, or any counselors or child psychologists? Who have you taken her to and what did they say? Without that info how do you expect any further advice here?

And if you've done nothing but change schools all those times... as PP said, that's totally on you! Why would you not bring something so serious to another professional?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This cannot be for real.

I'm thinking OP is a troll, too. This can't be real and I say this as a parent of 2 kids with IEPs which include behavioral goals.

Or OP might just be from a different culture or economic class where she doesn't have access to the same intensive parenting ethos or access to resources. Perhaps it would be more useful for you to describe how you approached your kids needs and got a good IEP.

Typically, parents from other cultures and lower economic classes use more physical discipline. Those in upper economic classes would quickly see a specialist. OP hasn't indicated she's tried that so I doubt she's from another culture or a differnt economic class. She's either a troll or a parenting failure.

Has OP come back at all since the 1st post? If not, or if the answers don't add up, it definitely sounds like a troll. Which in itself is so pathetic... Imagine having so little of a real life that you get your jollies trying to rile up parents trying to be helpful on internet? That's why I don't even get mad at trolls, it's really just sad...

[Anonymous]

Well, many of the posters are truly vicious. She is still a little girl. Her mother may not have the same access to resources. Her daughter may have significant anxiety and be doing this out of flight or fight. These responses all call the child mentally ill and basically state that she is mentally disturbed and will not have a normal life. You are all being harsh and I kind.

Op, if you're reading which I doubt you are. Behaviors are not always well understood. Some kids have obvious underlying issues causing the behaviors. Others do not. They are hard to address. You should start with making an appointment with a developmental pediatrician and while waiting get a speech evaluation. Your school can also help you with this. You need to contact the principal and request one. The schools evaluations are not the best so perhaps think about an independent one if you can afford it.

I'm sorry you are going through this. There are so many resources available but they are not easy to find or access. People with typically developing children have no idea how hard it is. There are actually services in the county other than special education that help with therapy and behavior and help the family.

I'm honestly guessing your child has very severe anxiety or perhaps autism and you will need some behavioral therapy. That will be covered.

Best of luck to you and your girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 6 y/o DD was kicked out of pre K 2 years ago in February. They told us she would bully, threaten parents of kids (say she was going to best them up), rip up other kids work, yell while the teacher is talking, run around room, run out of the room, pretended to have a gun and said she was going to kill everyone, pushed down a kid very hard he almost injured his head, which was the reasons for expelling her. We did give her consequences at home, they didn't help. Than we put her in another preschool, the same behavior, so we pulled her out. We made a difficult decision for another year of pre K (her birthday is in August). They expelled her after 2 months for the same issues so we put her in a very small pre k (5 kids total). No issues, according to the school. Now she is in kindergarten and I keep getting calls and emails from the teacher and principal that my daughter is running in and out of the room, yelling while teacher is talking, hitting other kids, ripping up other kids work, and was suspended 2 weeks ago for trying to poke a kid in the eye with a pen, last week she kept pulling a kids pants down while the class was going to lunch, in other words, the same behaviors as pre k. When she is so disruptive the teacher cannot teach, the teacher isolates her or removes from the room. She sees this as special attention so she wins. Yesterday I had a meeting with her teacher and principal and they told me that if she keeps this up, she will not be promoted to 1st grade. She is already among the older kids, so she will be over aged. We can't come up with anything at our house to act as a reward or deterrent. Her behavior gets worse, not better. She doesn't behave this way at home.

There is no way in hell that you haven't seen anything like this at home unless you are glued to soap operas and movies all day long.

[Anonymous]

OP, special needs mom here. Is your child in public school? Can you ask for a behavioral assessment? A behavior plan for your child?

I also recommend that your post on Special Needs. While misbehavior is not necessarily a special need, it sounds like your child is having a very hard time and could use assessment. She is too young to be suspended without the school trying to determine what is going on with her. Isolating her is not effective at her age.

She needs to be evaluated.

[Anonymous]

OP behavioral issues aren't as shocking as some of the PPs suggest. And my guess is that a lot of parents -- esp those outside the high-anxiety DC area -- don't immediately jump to multi-thousand dollar psychoeducational evaluations and diagnoses etc.

My second kid was thrown out of a preK program for behavioral problems. The last straw came when he hit another boy. We didn't pathologize the situation - it was a bad fit w/the preschool & the administrator, he was in a bad phase, etc. We kept him home that year, he went off to kindergarten and has never had another issue. In fact, he's a super neurotic rule follower now, despite being a crazy active boy.

But if you're not a troll, you came here because you recognize you have a problem and you're looking for good advice. Your daughter needs help and your first resources are your pediatrician and the school. Don't let anyone here diagnose her! But do make sure you get this figured out ASAP.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if OP is a troll, but 7:32 is DRAMATICALLY downplaying the situation here. Ripping up other childrens' work. Threatening to get a gun and shoot the other children. Poking a child in the eye with a pen. Pulling down other kids' pants. Every single one of these is a klaxon going off that this kid has serious issues.

These are not the behaviours of a kid who is just a bad fit. These are the behaviours of a kid who desperately needs help.

The only part of the OP that rings false to me is the idea that the child would not be promoted to 1st Grade. There has got to be more to the story. Like discussion of a behavioural analysis, or even a different placement.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to demand an IEP screening meeting now. Like, yesterday. Frankly, I am shocked the school has not called one already--severe behaviors are usually what get even the most irresponsible school off their butts and starting this process, because they are desperate to get the kid out of their building. Your daughter needs support that she is not getting from the school or you.

This is heading for an emotional disturbance placement or even a separate school if nothing changes and you need to get on top of it so you are not surprised or ill-informed when these discussions start happening. These behaviors are quite extreme and are not in the same vein as just occasional pushing or hitting. Pulling other kids' pants down or stabbing them with objects is very serious.