How do you react to door-to-door solicitors?

[Anonymous]

INSTALL A PEEP HOLE IN YOUR DOOR.

I would rather they think I am not home than think I am at home. Go ahead and argue. But I hope you are not a target.

We are in a NICE area, and there are constantly people going door to door trying to see who lives there.

Call me paranoid. But I've lived in enough houses in enough areas to know better.

[Anonymous]

I used to open the door, but do not anymore.

My sister yells through the door that she does not open the door for anyone she does not know when her husband is not home. Her husband moved out 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you really don't owe anyone anything. I consider myself an extremely courteous, friendly person but am not going to risk some crazy person barging in and hurting my child just because I don't want to seem rude. So I won't answer the door, unless my husband is there. If they know I'm home, they know I'm home. Oh well.

I once took a self defense class and the instructor told us that women are easy targets because we are raised not to be impolite. So we stop for people who want directions, and even when we are grabbed by a stranger, may not react quickly because part of us deep down hates to make a scene and so we are held back from screaming right away.

He told me something I will never forget: if you are on the Metro, and some strange guy gets to close to you on purpose, etc., most women simply get up and move on as to not make a scene. You are basically letting the strange dude know you are that kind of person. He said the correct response is to basically go apeshit crazy and cause a scene. Yes, you may be embarrassed, but chances are, that person will be noticed and will move on - he's not going to bother with you because now a whole bunch of people on the train just noticed the two of you.

[Anonymous]

Wasn't there a story about a woman who said something like "too close, too close" really loudly to a man who sat next to her on the metro and immediately changed seats. The guy thought she was being racist (she was white and he was black) and I think he punched or hit her or something like that. Lots of people were in the same car and I'm not sure if anyone did anything to help her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wasn't there a story about a woman who said something like "too close, too close" really loudly to a man who sat next to her on the metro and immediately changed seats. The guy thought she was being racist (she was white and he was black) and I think he punched or hit her or something like that. Lots of people were in the same car and I'm not sure if anyone did anything to help her.

Yeah, a couple of years ago I rode the metro from Union Station to Vienna (it's a loooooong ride for those of you who haven't done it) while sitting in front of a guy who barked the WHOLE way. Like a dog. My recollection was that there were only two other people on that car with me and, after swapping a couple of glances at each other, it was clear we all shared the same sentiment. Better to stay seated, stay quiet, and ignore the guy in the hopes that this obviously mentally ill person would not be provoked. To this day, my gut still tells me that was the right move...

[Anonymous]

Just. Don't. Open. The. Door. Easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wasn't there a story about a woman who said something like "too close, too close" really loudly to a man who sat next to her on the metro and immediately changed seats. The guy thought she was being racist (she was white and he was black) and I think he punched or hit her or something like that. Lots of people were in the same car and I'm not sure if anyone did anything to help her.

Yeah, a couple of years ago I rode the metro from Union Station to Vienna (it's a loooooong ride for those of you who haven't done it) while sitting in front of a guy who barked the WHOLE way. Like a dog. My recollection was that there were only two other people on that car with me and, after swapping a couple of glances at each other, it was clear we all shared the same sentiment. Better to stay seated, stay quiet, and ignore the guy in the hopes that this obviously mentally ill person would not be provoked. To this day, my gut still tells me that was the right move...

But this is totally different. A barking guy is just crazy and you are right to just ignore or walk away. I'm talking about a man singling you out. If you think someone is singling you out and being creepy, the advice from the instructor was to call attention to it.

Honestly, I would rather be punched in the face, as awful as that sounds, then possibly followed and raped.

[Anonymous]

When I was younger and still living at home, I was taught to look through the peephole and say through the closed door, "Who is it?" Then the person has to say "So and so selling magazine subscriptions" or whatever. (And if the person declines to identify themselves when you ask who it is, then they really ARE sketchy.) Then you can say, "Sorry, I'm not interested, goodbye." And walk away from the door.

This still works now. Thanks, Mom and Dad.

[Anonymous]

22:45 adding, you should not feel bad AT ALL about politely and quickly shutting these people down. No listening to their sales pitch/sob story/whatever necessary. They are on your property taking up your time. It's like telemarketers -- when one calls me, I have NO PROBLEM interrupting them and saying politely, "Sorry, I'm not interested, goodbye" and then HANGING UP on them without waiting to hear their comeback. DH will sit and listen and try to be polite for like 5 minutes, apologetically telling them no... no... no, sorry... It drives me crazy -- JUST HANG UP! They're on your turf, and you don't owe them anything beyond simple politeness and the words, "No thank you, goodbye" -- even Miss Manners would agree with me on this.

[Anonymous]

I think someone who is there for a home invasion will quickly come up with a fake name and something plausible (cable guy, meter reader, survey taker etc) to get you to open the door.

[Anonymous]

It really doesn't matter what the "visitor" says. S/he could pretty much tell you anything. What is so hard about NOT answering? Do you answer every last telephone call, too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wasn't there a story about a woman who said something like "too close, too close" really loudly to a man who sat next to her on the metro and immediately changed seats. The guy thought she was being racist (she was white and he was black) and I think he punched or hit her or something like that. Lots of people were in the same car and I'm not sure if anyone did anything to help her.

Yeah, a couple of years ago I rode the metro from Union Station to Vienna (it's a loooooong ride for those of you who haven't done it) while sitting in front of a guy who barked the WHOLE way. Like a dog. My recollection was that there were only two other people on that car with me and, after swapping a couple of glances at each other, it was clear we all shared the same sentiment. Better to stay seated, stay quiet, and ignore the guy in the hopes that this obviously mentally ill person would not be provoked. To this day, my gut still tells me that was the right move...

He could have had tourrette's syndrome (sp) rather than a mental illness, but who knows, I wasn't there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that you really don't owe anyone anything. I consider myself an extremely courteous, friendly person but am not going to risk some crazy person barging in and hurting my child just because I don't want to seem rude. So I won't answer the door, unless my husband is there. If they know I'm home, they know I'm home. Oh well.

I once took a self defense class and the instructor told us that women are easy targets because we are raised not to be impolite. So we stop for people who want directions, and even when we are grabbed by a stranger, may not react quickly because part of us deep down hates to make a scene and so we are held back from screaming right away.

He told me something I will never forget: if you are on the Metro, and some strange guy gets to close to you on purpose, etc., most women simply get up and move on as to not make a scene. You are basically letting the strange dude know you are that kind of person. He said the correct response is to basically go apeshit crazy and cause a scene. Yes, you may be embarrassed, but chances are, that person will be noticed and will move on - he's not going to bother with you because now a whole bunch of people on the train just noticed the two of you.

I was followed home once in a really terrible neighborhood and sure enough, I was afraid of being rude so instead of looping back around -- or even looking over my shoulder -- I let the guy follow me all the way up the steps and start shoving me in the door before I screamed. I didn't want him to think I thought ill of him just for walking behind me for a really long way. Luckily for me my (male) roommates saved me but if he had had a gun we'd all have been in trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think someone who is there for a home invasion will quickly come up with a fake name and something plausible (cable guy, meter reader, survey taker etc) to get you to open the door.

I think you're missing the point of the "Who is it?" method. YOU DON'T OPEN THE DOOR. Unless it's someone you know or are expecting and you can verify that visually through the peephole, YOU DON'T OPEN THE DOOR. If it's the meter reader, they can go read the meter outside, thanks, goodbye. If it's a survey taker, you're not interested in the survey, goodbye. If it's the cable guy and you're not expecting a cable guy, then the cable company should have called to discuss it with you first because you're not in the habit of opening the door at random times to random people claiming to be utility workers, sorry, goodbye.

You say "Who is it?" to (1) let them know someone's home and (2) give you something to respond to with "Sorry, I'm not interested, goodbye." Then you walk away from the door and don't open it. If they keep knocking or harassing you, you call the police and say out loud, "I'm calling the police. You need to leave." I have to say, I've never had to call the police, and I've done this all my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wasn't there a story about a woman who said something like "too close, too close" really loudly to a man who sat next to her on the metro and immediately changed seats. The guy thought she was being racist (she was white and he was black) and I think he punched or hit her or something like that. Lots of people were in the same car and I'm not sure if anyone did anything to help her.

Yeah, a couple of years ago I rode the metro from Union Station to Vienna (it's a loooooong ride for those of you who haven't done it) while sitting in front of a guy who barked the WHOLE way. Like a dog. My recollection was that there were only two other people on that car with me and, after swapping a couple of glances at each other, it was clear we all shared the same sentiment. Better to stay seated, stay quiet, and ignore the guy in the hopes that this obviously mentally ill person would not be provoked. To this day, my gut still tells me that was the right move...

He could have had tourrette's syndrome (sp) rather than a mental illness, but who knows, I wasn't there.

Perhaps this wasn't clear from my response, but I was there. And I know what tourette's is. If that's what it was I clearly would have said so. Being that I was there and all. SO I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. Sorry, but this is a major pet peeve of mine. I know you're trying to be one of those perfect people who tries to see the "good" in any situation and would NEVER make an erroneous assumption or generalization about a situation (of course not) -- but presuming that other people do so is its own form of assumption and judgment. And that double standard really annoys me because I see it all the time on DCUM.