Pre Nup - did you sign?

[Anonymous]

Prenups on financial issues are fine.

What long list of expectations? Any surprises there? Do they represent your fiancé's beliefs or his family's?

If you want legal advice (and you definitely should), pay for your own lawyer.

The issue isn't whether he wants a prenup--it's how the two of you handle it. His family getting involved and his anger may signal issues, though it also sounds like you're being really defensive and having weird expectations about them covering your legal costs.

[Anonymous]

Financial prenup--no problem. Go to a lawyer, protect your interests.

Child-rearing issues--no. That's between the two of you. And if you have issues talking about it or agreeing to it, that's important information for you to know before you commit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Financial prenup--no problem. Go to a lawyer, protect your interests.

Child-rearing issues--no. That's between the two of you. And if you have issues talking about it or agreeing to it, that's important information for you to know before you commit.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I told my fiancé that child rearing demands are unacceptable and he agrees and he already told his parents. I listened to the conversation and he made it clear to them it was off the table. I'm meeting with a lawyer today to better understand the financial stuff. If inheritances and trusts are already protected from a divorce then a prenup might add little except make his parents feel better. Regardless, they are not doing their best to make me feel welcome. If I can't get comfortable with it my fiancé said he has no problem with me not signing it.

If you agree that a prenup is a good idea (and given his crazy family stuff, I think it is), then you two and your lawyers should write it. Not his parents, and not his parents' lawyers.

[Anonymous]

OP, you like to quote your dad and get his opinion. Your fiancé has a right to work with his family.

Can you guys work together, though?

[Anonymous]

Op here - as some of you suggested my attorney said that the financial requirements were already the law so that the document "had no teeth". My Dad recommended that if I'm going to accept 100% of their financial terms I should "ask" for something in return which is not part of current law so that at the end of the day the prenup favors me without them really knowing it. The child rearing issues are already off the table thanks to my fiancé.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I told my fiancé that child rearing demands are unacceptable and he agrees and he already told his parents. I listened to the conversation and he made it clear to them it was off the table. I'm meeting with a lawyer today to better understand the financial stuff. If inheritances and trusts are already protected from a divorce then a prenup might add little except make his parents feel better. Regardless, they are not doing their best to make me feel welcome. If I can't get comfortable with it my fiancé said he has no problem with me not signing it.

If you agree that a prenup is a good idea (and given his crazy family stuff, I think it is), then you two and your lawyers should write it. Not his parents, and not his parents' lawyers.

+1

Signed,
Someone who used to work in family law.

DEFINITELY have your own lawyer write it. No f-ing question. (The things I have seen...)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I told my fiancé that child rearing demands are unacceptable and he agrees and he already told his parents. I listened to the conversation and he made it clear to them it was off the table. I'm meeting with a lawyer today to better understand the financial stuff. If inheritances and trusts are already protected from a divorce then a prenup might add little except make his parents feel better. Regardless, they are not doing their best to make me feel welcome. If I can't get comfortable with it my fiancé said he has no problem with me not signing it.

If you agree that a prenup is a good idea (and given his crazy family stuff, I think it is), then you two and your lawyers should write it. Not his parents, and not his parents' lawyers.

+1

Signed,
Someone who used to work in family law.

DEFINITELY have your own lawyer write it. No f-ing question. (The things I have seen...)

Lawyer here and it doesn't necessarily matter who drafts the agreement so long as OP has competent counsel. OP's lawyer will read the provisions and explain the impacts of the provisions and propose modifications to the agreement as needed. Per OP's follow up post now that they're only dealing with the financial issues it should be fairly straightforward.

[Anonymous]

So did he discuss this with you first or just let his parents lawyer contact you by mail. The bigger issue should be are you ready to marry someone who is that dependent on their parents? It will be a long and hard struggle for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - as some of you suggested my attorney said that the financial requirements were already the law so that the document "had no teeth". My Dad recommended that if I'm going to accept 100% of their financial terms I should "ask" for something in return which is not part of current law so that at the end of the day the prenup favors me without them really knowing it. The child rearing issues are already off the table thanks to my fiancé.

So you were upset when his parents were involved and you thought it might favor them (e.g., they were getting something from you). Your dad is involved, too, and recommending a "get something from them" approach.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your dad. Make sure you are financially protected in case of divorce. Ask them to give you 1 million in case of divorce to maintain your lifestyle they are providing for you. Personally, I'd tell fiancé to stop taking money, tell his family to stop and move on. He has no money so its a non-issue.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I decided to not add in extras and agreed to sign the document because it has no teeth and is basically the law. IL's agree to drop all child rearing requirements. My fiancé told me not to sign it unless I was absolutely OK with it. He's pretty sure it was his father's personal attorney who was behind it because its the first child getting married. He's not going to tell his father that the document has no legal teeth but someday he will figure it out and probably fire the attorney for not knowing the law.

[Anonymous]

OP - what does the prenup say about the disposition of marital assets and specifically what you receive in case of divorce? Are you waiving any spousal support? What does it say about child support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I decided to not add in extras and agreed to sign the document because it has no teeth and is basically the law. IL's agree to drop all child rearing requirements. My fiancé told me not to sign it unless I was absolutely OK with it. He's pretty sure it was his father's personal attorney who was behind it because its the first child getting married. He's not going to tell his father that the document has no legal teeth but someday he will figure it out and probably fire the attorney for not knowing the law.

Why do you assume his attorney didn't know the law? He may well have known the entire time (could even have advised his client of this). People want what they want, even when they hear advice from a professional. If the dad is a control freak or worried, he may have felt this was peace of mind, enforceable or not, helpful or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for the advice. I will get and pay for my own attorney. FYI - my fiancé did let me know the letter was coming but not what was in it. The child rearing issues were mostly faith based in terms of both religion and schooling. The protection of inheritance and trusts is all new to me so I do need to get smarter even with a lawyer involved. While my fiancé is an artist, he is actually quite successful for someone not yet 30. He is definitely not living off of his family's money and is making it on his own just as I am. His parents live in a world of 1%-ers and as my dad said "the air is very thin at that altitude which can cause brain defects." They are generally nice people and live far away so I'm hoping that they don't interfere too often. So, I'm prepared to sign a prenup but only if it's reasonable especially about child rearing.

FYI: a good, comprehensive pre-nup need not mention child rearing at all.