Spring breaks and helicopter parenting

[Anonymous]

I'm a Gen X-er who made my own decisions about where to go and what to do during Spring Break because I spent my own money. There was no need to ask permission-I was over 18 and while my Mom contributed towards my college tuition (I contributed as well) I had to use my own money for non-essentials. I sometimes would get annoyed that my Mom wouldn't pay for discretionary items, that I had to work shit jobs to help pay for school, etc. but in retrospect she was completely right. I got good grades in part because I didn't want to blow school off and waste my own money, I have a great work ethic and never have expected a man (or anyone) to pay my way.

Parents are not doing their kids any favors when they encourage dependency. Hopefully the kid in question will realize that if he wants to make his own decisions he's going to have to do what most adults have to-earn his own money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP, I'd start talking to this family a lot less. I think they're your family members but I'd butt out of anything to do with their kids since they're all dramatic.

I think I will need to. Mom is sort of a grudgy person and since I didn't immediately take her side she is pretty miffed. As for dramatic she is the poster child for always being involved in drama but saying "I can't stand to be involved in drama!!"

Is the mom your sister? Anyways, MYOB. It's her kid and her problem. Obviously you are not going to talk sense into her, so why feed into the drama by getting involved?

Yes, MYOB. Listen with empathy. You don't have to "take a side." Apparently your entire family is riddled with immature people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I agree that they have a right to say no but this situation goes a bit deeper than just asking for permission.

They set him up to be dependent on them. They never allowed him to take a job in high school even though he really wanted one. He has never had a chance to gain any independence or maturity.

That seems to be the case for at least half of the people on this board period they hold money over their kids heads claiming that they are not self-sufficient adults while parents pay their kid's bills, so as parents they get to continue to have veto power over everything.

At the same time, they never realize how they themselves handicapped their kids maturity and Independence. And they continue to do so by never letting them make their own decisions. It's really sick

Good luck talking to the mom, OP. People like this or beyond help. Any parent who would come along on spring break with their child or like the previous poster, would veto spring break and threaten their kid's financial and educational future over a week away. Well forget about it

Case in point being my 23 year old nephew who is phenomenally well-employed as a computer scientist on Wall Street yet hasn't yet explored any of Manhatten in the last 18 months because mom hasn't been able to take the time to go to NYC to help him get around. He has no need for this. At all. She also still orders for him and his 19 year old sister at restaurants.

It's embarrassing to be around.

This reminds me how mad I was at my mom when I was about 8 and she made me start ordering my own food, calling the library for my book orders , and doing my laundry. I wanted her to be like the other moms who did everything for their kids. I changed my tune in college. So grateful she helped me grow into an adult not just get me into college.