"Affair fog". When does it wear off?

[Anonymous]

If you need the financial security then perhaps stay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had that. Wife cheated and I just lost the ability to get mad, sad, everything. It was strange, I emotionally shut off. It eventually came back and manifested into anger ... [] I had checked out.

I relate to that more than you can know. You do shut off and descend into denial and disconnection. It is the only way to cope.

It's easier to live knowing you are a sexual discard when you are "tossed" into a nice home with your kids and money to do what you want. What people forget is that not even money can buy back self-esteem and the emotional work it takes to be ignored and alienated from your friends, for fear they might guess what you are going through.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you've made your decision to dig your heels in and keep on doing the same thing you have been. He's worn you down over the years with his gaslighting and bad treatment, and now you simultaneously want to win him back and punish him. You guys are in for a miserable life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had that. Wife cheated and I just lost the ability to get mad, sad, everything. It was strange, I emotionally shut off. It eventually came back and manifested into anger ... [] I had checked out.

I relate to that more than you can know. You do shut off and descend into denial and disconnection. It is the only way to cope.

It's easier to live knowing you are a sexual discard when you are "tossed" into a nice home with your kids and money to do what you want. What people forget is that not even money can buy back self-esteem and the emotional work it takes to be ignored and alienated from your friends, for fear they might guess what you are going through.

PP here, after the fog wore off and I "woke up", I filed for divorce. I told the therapist while my wife was there I was done. They both - XW and therapist - said I needed to fight and not make rash decisions. Think it through, kids, give forgiveness a try...blah blah.

I just said I'm done. I knew it would mean financial ruin, but I didn't want to sit there and look at her and the only thing I could think about was her and the other guy. I saw them in my head and it wouldn't leave..So I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It never goes away. The affair fog is ... still here, 3 years later.

Still together or broke up 3 years ago?

A little of both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It never goes away. The affair fog is ... still here, 3 years later.

Still together or broke up 3 years ago?

A little of both.

That's probably why it's still there: you are neither in nor out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It never goes away. The affair fog is ... still here, 3 years later.

Still together or broke up 3 years ago?

A little of both.

That's probably why it's still there: you are neither in nor out.

I know. Bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It never goes away. The affair fog is ... still here, 3 years later.

Still together or broke up 3 years ago?

A little of both.

That's probably why it's still there: you are neither in nor out.

I know. Bad.

Its not bad now because its still good. It's only bad when the other shoe falls which doesn't always happen as some on this forum would lead you to believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It never goes away. The affair fog is ... still here, 3 years later.

Still together or broke up 3 years ago?

A little of both.

That's probably why it's still there: you are neither in nor out.

I know. Bad.

Its not bad now because its still good. It's only bad when the other shoe falls which doesn't always happen as some on this forum would lead you to believe.

You will be used as long as you let it happen and you are careful.

[Anonymous]

Op he is pretty much married to both of you at this point. This is a sister wife relationship right? Op I know women and men on Dcum have set the bar really low on what they are willing to tolerate from a spouse before divorcing. I'm sure some will stay with their spouse through years of cheating and even an HIV infection. Op, you deserve better. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are worth it and deserve better in this life. Take some of his money and get professional help to work on your self-esteem, build yourself up, and develop the strength you need to walk away from this man permanently and never look back. The future is uncertain but it's so much better than a life long disrespectful partner. That man knows your weaknesses and inner fears so well, he is and has been using it against you for YEARS.

[Anonymous]

I just said I'm done. I knew it would mean financial ruin, but I didn't want to sit there and look at her and the only thing I could think about was her and the other guy. I saw them in my head and it wouldn't leave..So I did.

I guess it's harder to be on the male side. I still see my DH and all I think about is the affair he's having - he's open about it at this point - but I would not be financially better off to divorce. Basically he pays me a huge amount of money to fall off the planet and let him do whatever he wants.

I don't have to "look at him" all the time because he's generally somewhere else 99% of the time. I've just outsourced the sex.

[Anonymous]

What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It never goes away. The affair fog is ... still here, 3 years later.

Still together or broke up 3 years ago?

A little of both.

That's probably why it's still there: you are neither in nor out.

I know. Bad.

Its not bad now because its still good. It's only bad when the other shoe falls which doesn't always happen as some on this forum would lead you to believe.

You will be used as long as you let it happen and you are careful.

I don't understand what you are trying to say. Is there a typo in this? OH ... maybe, you are saying he is using me, and it can last as long as we are careful. Oh, that's possible. I mean, of course he's using me. I know that. This is an affair, after all. Technically I'm using him, too.

I suppose you can never be careful enough.

[Anonymous]

I don't know OP...8 years? You can get prepared and file or let him eventually file and be blindsided. Because this isn't a forever plan. Financial hit acknowledged, peace of mind (and soul) is priceless. You'll survive. Don't underestimate the practicality single parenthood can help you develop.