What the hell..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very familiar with this dynamic.
He likes the chase and she likes the attention
Id guess they flirt over text too. You will always feel like the third wheel.
I wouldn't end it over this but you should keep your options open and find a new man.
These types of men often blur boundaries and cheat. Every one of them that I knew did.

This poster makes a very good point. You are probably looking at a sign that he will cheat later

My DH is like this. He hasn't cheated but he came close once. And pining after any woman that gives him attention is ANNOYING. Because if it wasn't one woman it was the next one...
After 25 years of marriage j feel like he finally got it when I aggressively connected the dots for him. No, it's not me being jealous it's you having pretty inappropriateish relationships with any gal (and they do seem to line right on up) that gives him attention.
This relationship is at least out in the open. If you express discontent and they gave more of a private relationship then it's even more trouble.

This one chicky that strung my husband along with flirting and lunches (despite being married to someone else) was rude and nasty to me every time I saw her so I said no thanks I don't want her in my house/my life anymore - so he was having private lunches with her during work hours. That was bad, although not as bad as my having to interact with her I guess (Ick).

There's something about these guys and them choosing not to put you first. With my DH my guess would be repressed mommy anger (she was an alcoholic that had little time for him apparently).

You're not the age where you're going to be having kids - it's just you and him. If you don't like being chopped liver don't do it anymore. That's what dating is for - to find out if you like being with this person.

My DH has all around turned into a pretty great husband after all (we have kids and he's a great dad and he's become a lot more attentive over the years. I don't think he realized what a moron he was being for some of our years together and he was quite open to suggestion as he apparently enjoys our life together) I can say that. I've always loved him & spending time with him for 30 years now so it kind of takes a strong attraction to work through the crap that comes with a relationship.

That is the part that is really perplexing. On meeting her, she was fabulous to me. We went to eat and he started to sit by her and she directed me to take her seat and she sat at other end of table. Offered to help me for the time I am here with anything, like shopping or any questions I might have about the area. She was wonderful to me, she showed me no hostility at all and it was disconcerting cause I kept seeing him glancing at her through the whole lunch even though she was on other end of table. Toward end when everyone was just chatting he got up and went down by her seat and squatted down and was chatting privately with her. That moment let me know that at minimum this is an emotional affair at least on his end.

Honestly all you seem to be describing is a guy who is attentive and thoughtful. The fact that she surpasses you makes you jealous but if she was fat older woman without Halle Berry looks this wouldn't be a problem.

[Anonymous]

From what you describe, it sounds your bf has feelings for this woman. Even if she doesn't return his interest at all and nothing will ever happen between them, you have to be able to live with this. More importantly, the way that he behaves with her seems overly attentive especially with his gf present. If he says that she's only a friend, then he has to treat her as a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From what you describe, it sounds your bf has feelings for this woman. Even if she doesn't return his interest at all and nothing will ever happen between them, you have to be able to live with this. More importantly, the way that he behaves with her seems overly attentive especially with his gf present. If he says that she's only a friend, then he has to treat her as a friend.

I tried to have a talk with him today cause I am heading home. I got exactly what I thought I would "she is just a friend", "you're reading to much into this". I asked him about the private chat he had with her at lunch, why he didn't tell me about him being at her house and her at his. Why he didn't tell me what she looks like and why he made me think she was a frumpy woman with sensible shoes. He blamed me for assume what she looked like and never addressed the question. I didn't expect anything else from him. I didn't expect him to suddenly say "your right, I am so into her". I don't even know why I bothered asking him about it at all. Now I am home and he gets to spend the week with his work wife.

[Anonymous]

OP you have two choices: fully commit to believing him and stop being threatened by this woman full stop, or end the relationship. You will kill the relationship if you continue to be angry about her, and if you really believe he's into her save yourself future heartbreak and find someone else sooner rather than later.

If, however, he is being honest, the only way to have a good relationship with him is to let this go completely.

[Anonymous]

This relationship if it is one, is over. He won't end up with her, cause she doesn't want him, but, he won't end up with you, because you are too insecure and there is nothing, at all, attractive about that.

[Anonymous]

I've been friends with a guy who was attracted to me. There was no attraction from me but he flirted and we hung out quite a few times. Once I found out his gf was suspicious of our relationship, by asking our mutual friends about our dynamic, I ended our friendship. I thought she should come first. And the kicker? He was cheating on her with other women. Her spidey senses were in the wrong direction. Long story short, they're married with a child. I think he settled down. At least I hope.

[Anonymous]

I agree with pp. this guy is not a keeper. He's the type that likes to keep his options open and is never secure or okay with just one girl.
They are chronic cheaters. It's not about the actual woman, in fact I'd have been shocked if she was ugly men like this befriend women in these situations because they like the dynamic.
I'd not run from the guy but walk away slowly
Again even if they are not in any type of relationship physical or emotional he wants it or at least likes the idea of it.
He likes to blurr boundaries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could they be FWB?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could they be FWB?

This.

I don't think they are FWB. I don't get that she is nearly as much into him as he is into her. I just worry about when or if she changes her mind

[Anonymous]

yeah, seriously, what the hell is wrong with YOU? you sound so juvenile and jealousy and insecurity are the perfect way to make him run for the hills.

[Anonymous]

Let me get this straight, you have an online "boyfriend" who you have barely seen in the last year. I am sure there is plenty of texting and phone calls but, your words, not much face time. He has a "work wife", once again your words, and you don't think she is interested in him but he is interested in her. You are disturbed by the amount of time they spend together and the level of intimacy you see them having. What did you expect? Him to sit home waiting for one of your rare appearances to happen? Yeah you are jealous and you got good reason to be but you brought this on yourself. Back off from him, get your stuff together so that a woman like this doesn't interfere or unhinge you like you so obviously have been. Once you get your stuff together no one will be able to budge your self-confidence, and that is what the problem is. Once you have your crap together I would bet you he won't look so shiny anymore either.

What concerns me more is that fact that you look like you were willing to have a committed relationship with this guy and you and your child would have been completely dependent on him. In that scenario, he can do whatever he likes. Count yourself lucky to have met her now. How would you have liked to have met her 6 months into a marriage and realize the pickle you have gotten yourself into. Imagine 1yr into a marriage and she decides she wants a little taste? What would you have been in a position to do other than divorce him and end up worse off than you are now. Get some space between you two and figure out what you need to do to take care of you and your child. Stop looking for the path of least resistance and the easy way out of having some man take care of you.