Moving from GA to DCVM area - single parent looking for advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am a single parent and I would love to get the hell out of the DC metro area. Maybe you should post in the "Parenting - Special Concerns" forum to get feedback from more single parents.

I make $150k a year and my mortgage is $2200 a month. My commute is a little less than an hour each way. I have no family here. Morning care at my youngest's public school is $176 a month; after school is another $400 a month. My 13 year old gets off the bus at 3 and is a latch key kid until I get home from work. I don't even want to think about what full time preschool must cost these days.

Schools here are very intense and competitive. I spend most of my evening time wrestling with my middle schooler's homework with her. I pay a tutor $60 to spend an hour with her once a week and I am considering increasing that. For one illustrative example, our middle school required my child to have a calculator this year that cost $100. And at your income level, you aren't going to qualify for many discounts.

I also buy a significant amount of life insurance each month (payable to a trust controlled by my parents) in case something ever happens to me. Have you thought about life insurance?

Are you factoring in saving for retirement and college? Health insurance premiums? Building a savings cushion? How much do you get in support?

I feel like my life here is a non-stop treadmill of trying to stay on top of everything. I cry whenever I think about the fact that I am stuck here for another decade. Dating is also very difficult here - unless you are 25.

I would give my right arm to live somewhere near my parents or sister. Someplace with a lower pace of life and that is less competitive. I can't leave because my ex will never let us go.

Here's an online calculator for VA income tax: http://www.tax.virginia.gov/income-tax-calculator

I also believe the cost of living here is much higher. And traffic is TERRIBLE. cost of living: https://smartasset.com/mortgage/the-true-cost-of-living-in-washington-dc

Have you been hearing the stories about how our metro system is falling apart? Even our Memorial Bridge is in a dire situation and needs millions in repairs. This morning on our local news station I heard that traffic over the next 20 years is projected to get 76% worse. Whatever that means.


Here is what my life here is like as a single parent:

5:30: wake up. Ride treadmill. Shower and get ready
6:00 wake up middle schooler. Take to bus stop.
6:45: go back and wake up 3rd grader. Take to morning care.
6:45 to 7:30 or 7:45: commute to DC
7:30 - 4: work
4 - 5: commute
5 - 6 cook and dinner
6 - 8: homework, more treadmill, spend time with kids
8:30: begin bed time routine
9 PM: go to bed so I can wake up at 5:30

And despite all this treadmill, I am still overweight, have high blood pressure, depression, stress, etc. etc.

Just be very careful before you make this leap OP. Single parenthood is not really the norm around here. My colleagues all have spouses; many don't understand my reluctance to travel or need to leave work on time each day. School still schedules things for mid-day. If my kid gets sick and I have to leave to get her, it's a long drive and if traffic is bad it's a real problem. And there's always something: dentist, ortho, doctor, etc. etc.

It's just hard, hard, hard. I wouldn't suggest that someone I care about move here as a single parent; I'd suggest going somewhere where you have a support system.

Good luck to you.

You think this is unique to DC?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you again. I appreciate all the perspectives! I am not deluded and understand it will be difficult, but I also think it will be worth. A little adversity in our lives may be a good thing. I do prefer to live somewhere safe, with green space and as convenient as possible.

to poster 8:28 - Thank you for your candid response and I completely agree with you. Your schedule actually is almost identical to mine and I live in Savannah, Ga. Of I am in the Army and have to leave my son for weeks on end, so I'm willing to make that trade off. The support system is HUGE! That is why I'm moving to that area because all my family and friends are just a short hop away in PA. The difference is over 10 hours worth of driving. 3-4 hours vs 13-14 hours is much better on both sides. I will certainly post in that group as well.

Are you coming from Ft Stewart? I am the poster who suggested BV condos, and I came here from Ft Stewart too. Welcome!

[Anonymous]

I think that what is unique to DC - or at least unique to major metropolitan areas - is the combination higher costs of housing, highly competitive schools, bad traffic, and infrastructure that is not adequate to demand. OP's projected salary in the $70s is not going to be much help with coping. And while she may find housing near this job today, jobs can change. Sure she can always move but the balance between being close to areas with good jobs and good schools vs. costs can be tricky. - PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks so much for your replies! I haven't officially gotten the job yet, but it is looking good. The position is at the USPTO in Alexandria. Not really sure where that is in Alexandria. Additionally, the 71k is the lowest possible salary, but I expect that it will be a little more. I will also earn extra money during drill weekends while serving in the Army reserves. And my son's father does pay me support, so realistically I'm probably looking at closer to 90k pre-tax.

Just out of curiosity, what is the age that kids start kindergarten? My friend in MD told me it is mandatory for kids to start at 5. That sounds strange to me and I was wondering what it was like in NoVa.

Again, I'm know I will have to make compromises on just about everything and I'm okay with that. I'm just trying to make it work the best I can.

Hey OP, consider the apartments near the PTO like carlyle meridian. The apartment is 2 blocks to work, 1 block to wholefoods, nice walk to playgrounds and kingstreet. Also, lyles crouch is a pretty good school. The school has after school activities with a late bus so you can keep searching for references! If I remember, typical school day is from 8 to 2:45 and the bus stop is right at the corner of the apartment. You'll rarely ever have to drive.

[Anonymous]

OP - while I have no advice about Virginia (I live in Maryland) I just want to offer some encouragement. I am also a single mom. I got a job with the federal government six years ago at around 70k. Now I am closer to 100k. So I would say that it is likely your salary will go up. And it is definitely doable at the 70k salary. I know because I did it! Sure the budget is tight but there are options. We live in a small townhouse in a decent school area. May need to consider a move when we get to HS but I'm waiting to see if there are any boundary changes or if the school changes by the time we get there. Commute is definitely an issue and I would opt for as close to work as you can get. Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

@8:43 - Yes! Well I'm coming from Hunter to be more specific. I am still looking at the BV area. Options are limited at the moment. The move won't happen until Jan/Feb time frame.

@9:09 - I'm actually looking the apartments around the USPTO now. I'm okay with living in an apartment complex. I've done it for years prior to my current situation. I just want to make sure there are indeed playgrounds near by! Added bonus is that almost the apartment complexes allow for pets, so that may be the way to go.

@10:57 - Thank you for your personal story. It certainly makes me feel a LOT better. Do you know of any other resources out there for single parents? Like groups on Facebook or other forums?

[Anonymous]

Single mom here. I used to live in the Belle View condos and they were just the right size for 2 people. My son and I loved the area. Walk to shopping and the trail right there plus pools. The school is right there but we moved before he was old enough. Not everyone needs a huge McMansion to live well. I loved thr 700sq ft because I couldn't junk it up. I had to keep it tidy. The rec center is there and lots of shopping along Rt. 1. It was perfection. I miss the area. This was about 7 yrs ago and back then, I made appr. $45K or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here. I used to live in the Belle View condos and they were just the right size for 2 people. My son and I loved the area. Walk to shopping and the trail right there plus pools. The school is right there but we moved before he was old enough. Not everyone needs a huge McMansion to live well. I loved thr 700sq ft because I couldn't junk it up. I had to keep it tidy. The rec center is there and lots of shopping along Rt. 1. It was perfection. I miss the area. This was about 7 yrs ago and back then, I made appr. $45K or so.

+1 It is hard to imagine a more perfect setup. The area is charming. I know one poster is concerned about size but that is something only OP can determine. The pros of the area definitely outweigh the cons! Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

OP here - I'm definitely more than good with a smaller house/apartment. I lived in a similar small apartment when my son was first born and we lived in Germany. When I look at my current house, which is lovely, I realize out of the 4 bedrooms, I only use the two on a regular basis. And we tend to navigate to one bathroom as well. Admittedly, the one thing that I will miss is having a yard, no matter how small.

I'm of the mindset that a bigger house means more stuff and more to clean. I hate cleaning in general, so less to clean is better and I would say I could easily get rid of 60% of my stuff without any impact on my life.

I will take the quality of the area and schools over the size of the house for sure!

[Anonymous]

We used to live in the Belle View area before we moved. I am not familiar with the complex people are suggesting but we rented a condo from someone who privately owned it for around 1600 a month. It had 2 beds, 2 baths and was not far from the Mt Vernon rec center and Belleview elementary. I agree with everyone that you must have a short commute. There were a lot of conveniences with that area. Plenty of grocery stores and Target made life easier for quick errands and it was a minute to the Potomac.

What are your preschool plans? Have you started looking at waiting lists? I also agree that private schools for K will not be worth the tuition on your salary. If you are thinking of living in Fairfax county you need to register for the wait list for before and after school care a year in advance. Personally, I would not consider Alexandria City schools.

[Anonymous]

Former Army lady here, now a civilian in a Maryland suburb. I'm struggling to understand why you are going to live on the economy rather than on post? Any way you cut it, at $71-$90k, your life on post will be better, safer, cheaper, and likely have superior education for your child. You can get childcare for a tiny fraction on post compared to on the economy. It would be a bad decision to forgo the significant benefit of military housing, Commissary, child care, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former Army lady here, now a civilian in a Maryland suburb. I'm struggling to understand why you are going to live on the economy rather than on post? Any way you cut it, at $71-$90k, your life on post will be better, safer, cheaper, and likely have superior education for your child. You can get childcare for a tiny fraction on post compared to on the economy. It would be a bad decision to forgo the significant benefit of military housing, Commissary, child care, etc.

Not OP- but she is not full time military- she's in the reserves and will be working at the USPTO near Old Town Alexandria- not very close to any base.

[Anonymous]

@20:43 - I already thought about that. Fort Belvoir is the closest and they don't lease to federal civilians. I know some places like Fort Meade do, but not Belvoir. Joint base bolling and Andrews are across the river. I don't think that commute would be worth it even if they lease to fed civilians. Trust me, I already considered it!!

[Anonymous]

OP here - I checked and Joint Base Andrews does lease to federal civilians. Can any locals speak to that commute? Google maps says it is 9.5 miles, but what does thy really mean in DC traffic terms?

[Anonymous]

Correction - it is 14 miles