Why is dh drinking ALL the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse of 30 years was a high functioning alcoholic. That means he never missed a day of work, never drove drunk, never had a dui, never got sloppy drunk at parties or at home ... no problems. But he drank like a fish and his behavior was gradually corrosive and affected the family big time. He is now single. Here are a few pointers:

Vodka is the drink of choice for alcoholics. It is easily disguised in regular drinks (tea) and looks like ice water.

Some alcohol will be purchased openly and used openly while a secondary amount will be purchased for cash and hidden to befuddle you on the amount actually being drunk. This behavior happens early even before you start noticing and commenting on his drinking.

No reason is needed to drink. As pp said, it is not you, his job, the weather ... it is an internally driven drive that is likely genetic. You don't cause it and you can't cure it.

And angry and defensive response to a caring comment regarding his drinking is a huge sign. It is loving and normal for a spouse to show concern and someone without a drinking problem would recognize that and respond appropriately, even if they did not choose to change their behavior.

Drinking alone is a classic sign, but a lot of drinking is done right out in the open or in sneaky ways as you describe (vodka in the tea.)

Alcoholics tend to "tailgate" before social events. They have some before they go so that they can have the total amount they want at the event without appearing to be drinking more than others.

They will only stop drinking when THEY decide they want to do so. Sadly, that day usually never comes even when they have already lost their family and their health.

Their health seems pretty good for decades but damage is being done behind the scenes ... about age 60 their health tends to suddenly plummet off a cliff. Consider for yourself whether you want to be there to nurse them when that happens. It is not pretty. It is also hard emotionally to leave them when they are in that state ... it adds to your guilt. Not saying to leave ... but think about your situation carefully.

Good luck. BTDT

Dare I ask what happens/happened at age 60? Not the OP here, but I'm wondering if somebody quits at age 45, after years of abuse, and really turns their life around with exercise and healthy lifestyle habits, can any damage be reversed?

Some of it can be, but it doesn't mean the liver cancer won't hit and kill you within three weeks at the age of 65. Sorry to be blunt, but I have seen this happen. 20 plus years of heavy drinking takes a toll.