Neighbor in my yard: wwyd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have to say anything, please decide to be polite, kind, respectful of your elders, sensitive, etc. Maybe he did not have permission to take the granddaughter to the park. Maybe he was staying close to watch a sick wife or waiting for his child to call. Maybe it is no BFD.

OP here. He is not elderly, he still works full time. I believe at FT Belvoir. And his kids were right there watching, just from their own yard. I introduced myself to them, they walked over to the fence to say hi and they seem nice.

He was weird to do this. Don't let anyone put you on the defensive about this - YOU are in the right Op. You are correct in thinking this behavior is abnormal.

It's SO odd. My yard is an extension of my home, therefore I would not want anyone coming into my (fenced!!) yard to play. To me it feels like trespassing- even with no ill will. Maybe you don't even have to say something but just put a lock on the gate.

I forgot- plus you have a dog! That's just a no.

[Anonymous]

Hah! I laugh at this bc we had a neighbor with a swing set in their yard and we (and another neighbor) could not keep our toddlers out if there. They had no fence and we shared a driveway, so it was a bit easier to access (it kind of looks like an extension of our yard). But I was always mortified about playing in their yard uninvited, even though they said it wasn't a big deal. But I worried about liability...they've moved since but we actually consider them our closest friends (they'd stay with us during house renos, and we'd often do dinner together and holidays, etc), but it so would not have been hurtful if they had just been like.. Hey larla., we love your dd, but we're worried about her playing on our swing if we're not home, do you kind just letting us know beforehand?

[Anonymous]

Why isn't your gate locked just as a matter of course?

[Anonymous]

It doesn't make sense that you didn't want him there, had a chance to say something, but instead said to go right ahead anytime they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. How old are his kids? How old is his granddaughter? Just ask him to ask first.

Kids in their 30s. Granddaughter 3.5.

Since the granddaughter is 3.5, I would be willing to bet that she was the instigator. Like, she was playing in grandpa's backyard, saw the swingset in your yard, decided to help herself. And then probably grandpa followed and then decided that it wouldn't be the end of the world for her to play on it for a bit.

OP here. If we didn't have a fenced in yard, I'd agree with you (I have my own 3 year old). She could easily have seen our swing set and wanted to come and play. Even made it as far as our gate. But you have to reach over our fence to open the gate. It's kind of a rusty mechanism and you have to jiggle it a bit to get in. No way a 3 year old got in on her own. Someone had to let her in. And while opening the gate, if you look to the right you will see a neighborhood playground just one more house distance down, with no fence around it. Very easy to distract a 3 year old with "no, let's just go across the street--see that playground there? It's so much more fun!"

PP here who said I bet the child was the instigator. Well, if Grandpa had to do that much facilitation for her to get to your swingset, then that is a whole different story. Yeah, way inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

"feel free to come anytime ...

And, "once the shock wore off ... "
Op, you are The Queen of mixed messages.

Yes, this is problematic.

Bad move, OP. Think before speaking, and say what you mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

"feel free to come anytime ...

And, "once the shock wore off ... "
Op, you are The Queen of mixed messages.

Yes, this is problematic.

Bad move, OP. Think before speaking, and say what you mean.

Sometimes people say things out of shock. I imagine OP didn't want to shoo them off when there's a little kid around. OP does need to somehow fix it-- but just getting a lock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't your gate locked just as a matter of course?

It's a pain to open the the gate (you have to reach over the fence, jiggle it, shimmy the bolt thing to get it out), I honestly never thought we'd need a lock. DH plans to put one on tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't make sense that you didn't want him there, had a chance to say something, but instead said to go right ahead anytime they want.

I never said im perfect. I also sometimes tell people I'm not mad when i really am, or say everything is ok when it isn't.

[Anonymous]

It seems like he's a sweet old guy who's kind of embarrased he did that, and you should give him a break. Seriously, wouldnt it be nice to be o friendly terms with your neighbors? People from older generations/other cultures often just have different senses of boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't make sense that you didn't want him there, had a chance to say something, but instead said to go right ahead anytime they want.

I never said im perfect. I also sometimes tell people I'm not mad when i really am, or say everything is ok when it isn't.

Well, then you are the issue when things go wrong. Woman up. Be direct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like he's a sweet old guy who's kind of embarrased he did that, and you should give him a break. Seriously, wouldnt it be nice to be o friendly terms with your neighbors? People from older generations/other cultures often just have different senses of boundaries.

I do not think this is true. We've lived in a very diverse neighborhood and NO ONE would have gone into a neighbor's fenced back yard like that. It's not a cultural/generational thing - it is this one particular guy. He did something startlingly weird. Hopefully he realized that Op was startled (even though she was extremely nice about it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't your gate locked just as a matter of course?

It's a pain to open the the gate (you have to reach over the fence, jiggle it, shimmy the bolt thing to get it out), I honestly never thought we'd need a lock. DH plans to put one on tomorrow.

If DH is putting a lock on the gate, then let the whole thing go. They won't be able to get in anymore and it's over and done with. No need for over-thinking anything as he and his grandchild won't be able to access the yard anymore.

[Anonymous]

OP, get a master lock - yellow one is for outdoor use. Lock it. I'd also add a no trespassing sign on the gate door. Your neighbor sounds like a passive aggressive bully. Beat him at his own game!!

[Anonymous]

Or a beware of dog sign may be better!