Are girls meaner this era than previous years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. Its just that there's no escape anymore because they're all connected with social media and texting. They're not meaner they just have more opportunities to be mean

+1

It's constant. Instead of stuff ending when the school day is over, it spills into texts and Instagram and snapchat. So stuff that would have fizzled out just keeps rolling on.

This exactly.

My daughter is going into 6th grade. She does not have a phone or any social media accounts and will not have any for the foreseeable future.

[Anonymous]

Yes, they are meaner, and yes the internet has provided them with an avenue in which to be meaner, faster and easier, and best of all ANONYMOUSLY.
For all the efforts of our society to encourage and enrich kids to be compassionate, kind, caring citizens, to teach that CHARACTER COUNTS, all that completely falls to the way-side by the time they are in high school. And parents just let their kids be assholes (racist assholes even) with no consequences, turning a blind eye to their bad behavior or just condoning it.

Currently, I give up. I just hate other people's kids. It's really hard to raise a positive, resilient, self-assured, kind, compassionate kid when all their peers are raised to be irresponsible, disrespectful, delinquent assholes.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PPs that the parents are not stepping up to call out/respond to their own kids' behavior. My 2nd grader has had two years in a classroom with the mean girl of her grade-I have heard from other moms that their girls have been victim to this girl and that the parents could care less about how their daughter behaves when confronted on it with specific situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. Its just that there's no escape anymore because they're all connected with social media and texting. They're not meaner they just have more opportunities to be mean

This, and a huge part of it is parenting as many parents refuse to be involved or monitor what their kids are doing.

Often because those parents are all connected to their social media as well! So sad to eat out and see entire families on devices, not talking...

I do also think the oversexualization and earlier sexualization of girls is a huge factor too. 5 yr olds take "selfies" and know to pose with their fingers up and tongues out. And we don't even have a t.v. in our home so when our DD was 5 she didn't see those images in our house (not on computers in our home either).

And everything is happening earlier. Parents are anxious for their babies to lift their heads, turn over, crawl, ahead of everyone else. Not all parents, but too many. All these factors figure into the pressure on kids and the negative influences.

And while insecurity is one of the oldest causes of being mean, the stakes are so much higher for younger girls around looks and unrealistic bodily expectations. My 8 yr old told me today that one of her good friends at school was crying because another student told her her dad was ugly. I don't EVER remember the meanness going to that level when I was a kid, and I work with kids and all the veteran teachers will tell you it IS getting worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. Its just that there's no escape anymore because they're all connected with social media and texting. They're not meaner they just have more opportunities to be mean

This, and a huge part of it is parenting as many parents refuse to be involved or monitor what their kids are doing.

Often because those parents are all connected to their social media as well! So sad to eat out and see entire families on devices, not talking...

I do also think the oversexualization and earlier sexualization of girls is a huge factor too. 5 yr olds take "selfies" and know to pose with their fingers up and tongues out. And we don't even have a t.v. in our home so when our DD was 5 she didn't see those images in our house (not on computers in our home either).

And everything is happening earlier. Parents are anxious for their babies to lift their heads, turn over, crawl, ahead of everyone else. Not all parents, but too many. All these factors figure into the pressure on kids and the negative influences.

And while insecurity is one of the oldest causes of being mean, the stakes are so much higher for younger girls around looks and unrealistic bodily expectations. My 8 yr old told me today that one of her good friends at school was crying because another student told her her dad was ugly. I don't EVER remember the meanness going to that level when I was a kid, and I work with kids and all the veteran teachers will tell you it IS getting worse.

Seriously? Your dad is ugly? Kids said stuff like that all the time when we were growing up. Don't you remember "your mama's so fat..." jokes? You don't remember it because your kid brain knew it was bullshit and forgot it but yeah, it happened and it was just the same as it is now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they are meaner, and yes the internet has provided them with an avenue in which to be meaner, faster and easier, and best of all ANONYMOUSLY.
For all the efforts of our society to encourage and enrich kids to be compassionate, kind, caring citizens, to teach that CHARACTER COUNTS, all that completely falls to the way-side by the time they are in high school. And parents just let their kids be assholes (racist assholes even) with no consequences, turning a blind eye to their bad behavior or just condoning it.

Currently, I give up. I just hate other people's kids. It's really hard to raise a positive, resilient, self-assured, kind, compassionate kid when all their peers are raised to be irresponsible, disrespectful, delinquent assholes.

Agreed. It is HARD to raise a positive, resilient, kind, compassionate kids when they are encountered with assholes all day long. My DD is so sensitive and take everything to heart and this mean girl behavior is really getting to her. I didn't experience this as a kid and I'm worried for her. She is only in fourth grade and this year has already been rough with 2 mean girl incidents. I'm trying to teach her to just find good people to hang out with and she has a couple, but what if they change? People change. Its hard to find nice girls with parents who have good values.

Are there resources to help girls understand and deal with this type of mean girl behavior? I feel like middle school will be really rough if this is how its going to be. Ugghhh... I'll need therapy to get through it!

[Anonymous]

They are the same amount of mean with new channels of expression, so you may see and hear about it more. Also people are less willing to tolerate it now, esp if it falls into the bullying definition

[Anonymous]

Maybe I was lucky, but for me the mean girl stuff didn't start until MS for me. For my DD it was 1st.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. Its just that there's no escape anymore because they're all connected with social media and texting. They're not meaner they just have more opportunities to be mean

+1000000

Girls were always like this - now they have a platform on which to express themselves at the touch of a button, and often without much thought about the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Also tough when there are girls with older sisters. I try not to let my daughter make friends with girls with older sisters.

[Anonymous]

I was in elementary and middle school in the 80s. I was pretty awkward kid, and those girls were plenty mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in elementary and middle school in the 80s. I was pretty awkward kid, and those girls were plenty mean.

+1

I remember it really hitting around 3rd / 4th grade.

[Anonymous]

Also tough when there are girls with older sisters. I try not to let my daughter make friends with girls with older sisters.

I have totally noticed this! And the flip side, that girls who are the "oldest kid" tend to be more immature and less social adept - but that can be a good thing sometimes!