Will I regret missing my child's first day of kindergarten for a work trip? wwyd?

[Anonymous]

Aren't you already seeing these people.throughout the conference?

Yet this one last event where half the people.will probably skip is more important than the first day of kindergarten?

[Anonymous]

As an employer, if I drop a thousand bucks on a conference fee, plus another couple grand on hotel, airfare, and meals, I expect my money's worth. Leaving a conference early for something other than a serious emergency doesn't go over so well in some circles.

Funny - over nearly twenty years as a parent, I know I've missed my fair share of "important" events, even a birthday here and there. The only one that sticks out though is the first time I missed a Halloween. Not sure why that one ranks up there, but then Halloween is a big deal in my house. I doubt my kids even remember though.

I gather most of the people posting here are parents of little kids and don't have the perspective that some of us who have been there, done that, might have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an employer, if I drop a thousand bucks on a conference fee, plus another couple grand on hotel, airfare, and meals, I expect my money's worth. Leaving a conference early for something other than a serious emergency doesn't go over so well in some circles.

Funny - over nearly twenty years as a parent, I know I've missed my fair share of "important" events, even a birthday here and there. The only one that sticks out though is the first time I missed a Halloween. Not sure why that one ranks up there, but then Halloween is a big deal in my house. I doubt my kids even remember though.

I gather most of the people posting here are parents of little kids and don't have the perspective that some of us who have been there, done that, might have.

Oh come on 'employer' OP isn't talking about missing the conference but a networking event the last afternoon.

[Anonymous]

My 2nd grader told last night that he doesn't remember his first day of K. Do it if you want to, but otherwise it's fine. ESPECIALLY since it's at the same school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an employer, if I drop a thousand bucks on a conference fee, plus another couple grand on hotel, airfare, and meals, I expect my money's worth. Leaving a conference early for something other than a serious emergency doesn't go over so well in some circles.

Funny - over nearly twenty years as a parent, I know I've missed my fair share of "important" events, even a birthday here and there. The only one that sticks out though is the first time I missed a Halloween. Not sure why that one ranks up there, but then Halloween is a big deal in my house. I doubt my kids even remember though.

I gather most of the people posting here are parents of little kids and don't have the perspective that some of us who have been there, done that, might have.

Oh come on 'employer' OP isn't talking about missing the conference but a networking event the last afternoon.

OP said this:

Anonymous wrote:I can return the evening before K starts for my only child, but it means missing out on an extra afternoon of networking with people that rarely are all in the same place.

I've never been to a conference or set of meetings that ended with a networking event, so it sounds like she's not too put out about missing whatever else is going on (like the morning meetings before the round of golf or whatever it is?). If you can't commit to the conference, don't go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an employer, if I drop a thousand bucks on a conference fee, plus another couple grand on hotel, airfare, and meals, I expect my money's worth. Leaving a conference early for something other than a serious emergency doesn't go over so well in some circles.

Funny - over nearly twenty years as a parent, I know I've missed my fair share of "important" events, even a birthday here and there. The only one that sticks out though is the first time I missed a Halloween. Not sure why that one ranks up there, but then Halloween is a big deal in my house. I doubt my kids even remember though.

I gather most of the people posting here are parents of little kids and don't have the perspective that some of us who have been there, done that, might have.

Oh come on 'employer' OP isn't talking about missing the conference but a networking event the last afternoon.

+1 common sense here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an employer, if I drop a thousand bucks on a conference fee, plus another couple grand on hotel, airfare, and meals, I expect my money's worth. Leaving a conference early for something other than a serious emergency doesn't go over so well in some circles.

Funny - over nearly twenty years as a parent, I know I've missed my fair share of "important" events, even a birthday here and there. The only one that sticks out though is the first time I missed a Halloween. Not sure why that one ranks up there, but then Halloween is a big deal in my house. I doubt my kids even remember though.

I gather most of the people posting here are parents of little kids and don't have the perspective that some of us who have been there, done that, might have.

We all have our priorities. You've clearly got yours and are comfortable with them.

[Anonymous]

I didn't get the memo. Is this the expectation now? That every parent has to be present for every arbitrary event. First day of school? Yes. But is the first day of every school year important? Since the kid isn't changing schools it seem the equivalent of starting 2nd grade. I think it can be missed.

And how can everyone on here just dismiss the networking event as not important. They don't know her profession, her situation, the nature of this conference, what organization this is or really anything. Plus the OP said that she thought it was important. How can all the people on here know better than the OP about her own situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an employer, if I drop a thousand bucks on a conference fee, plus another couple grand on hotel, airfare, and meals, I expect my money's worth. Leaving a conference early for something other than a serious emergency doesn't go over so well in some circles.

Funny - over nearly twenty years as a parent, I know I've missed my fair share of "important" events, even a birthday here and there. The only one that sticks out though is the first time I missed a Halloween. Not sure why that one ranks up there, but then Halloween is a big deal in my house. I doubt my kids even remember though.

I gather most of the people posting here are parents of little kids and don't have the perspective that some of us who have been there, done that, might have.

We all have our priorities. You've clearly got yours and are comfortable with them.

Maybe it's possible to prioritize your family and still think it's not a big deal to miss this. So much judgement. I guess it is DCUM though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't get the memo. Is this the expectation now? That every parent has to be present for every arbitrary event. First day of school? Yes. But is the first day of every school year important? Since the kid isn't changing schools it seem the equivalent of starting 2nd grade. I think it can be missed.

And how can everyone on here just dismiss the networking event as not important. They don't know her profession, her situation, the nature of this conference, what organization this is or really anything. Plus the OP said that she thought it was important. How can all the people on here know better than the OP about her own situation.

You're never going to be able to convince me that one afternoon of networking can make or break your career. And that mindset generally will lead to missing a lot of moments.

The question essentially comes down to, 'am I ok missing out on what will probably be a minor work opportunity or am I ok missing out on what will probably be a minor parenting moment?'

In this case I'd say the parenting moment is medium/small sized and the career moment is small sized so I'd pick kid. If it was some giant presentation OP had been working towards her whole career I'd say pick career. If it was an interview for a new position that was going to get her family a significant raise, then pick the interview. But if you generally prioritize 5 hours of networking over an important moment with your kid then I think you're probably the kind of parent that will end up with a kid that feels like their second fiddle.

Both your career and your relationship with your kid are a culmination of 1000 little decisions you made to show up for one or the other, and sometimes you have to choose. This is why its a myth that you can have it all. IMO this seems like an easy version of that choice, the work gain small, the kid gain big.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't get the memo. Is this the expectation now? That every parent has to be present for every arbitrary event. First day of school? Yes. But is the first day of every school year important? Since the kid isn't changing schools it seem the equivalent of starting 2nd grade. I think it can be missed.

And how can everyone on here just dismiss the networking event as not important. They don't know her profession, her situation, the nature of this conference, what organization this is or really anything. Plus the OP said that she thought it was important. How can all the people on here know better than the OP about her own situation.

At our elementary, the first day of school IS important, all the way through sixth.

Moms AND dads take the morning off to walk or drive the kids to school.

[Anonymous]

I was just speaking to my therapist about this issue. Do you remember who was at your first day of K? Who dropped you off? I don't. If you are there, it will be for you, not for your kid. He won't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At our elementary, the first day of school IS important, all the way through sixth.

Moms AND dads take the morning off to walk or drive the kids to school.

Seriously?

Even in my high-powered, over-achieving, helicopter-parenting, W-cluster, we just take a picture in the driveway and put our kid on the bus. Yes, even for kindergarten or first grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just speaking to my therapist about this issue. Do you remember who was at your first day of K? Who dropped you off? I don't. If you are there, it will be for you, not for your kid. He won't care.

I don't like this particular reasoning. I'm not saying first day of k makes or breaks anything all by itself but while your kid won't remember who was there the first day of K, their relationship with you at 15 is build by all the moments they can't remember that you proved they were important to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't get the memo. Is this the expectation now? That every parent has to be present for every arbitrary event. First day of school? Yes. But is the first day of every school year important? Since the kid isn't changing schools it seem the equivalent of starting 2nd grade. I think it can be missed.

And how can everyone on here just dismiss the networking event as not important. They don't know her profession, her situation, the nature of this conference, what organization this is or really anything. Plus the OP said that she thought it was important. How can all the people on here know better than the OP about her own situation.

You're never going to be able to convince me that one afternoon of networking can make or break your career. And that mindset generally will lead to missing a lot of moments.

The question essentially comes down to, 'am I ok missing out on what will probably be a minor work opportunity or am I ok missing out on what will probably be a minor parenting moment?'

In this case I'd say the parenting moment is medium/small sized and the career moment is small sized so I'd pick kid. If it was some giant presentation OP had been working towards her whole career I'd say pick career. If it was an interview for a new position that was going to get her family a significant raise, then pick the interview. But if you generally prioritize 5 hours of networking over an important moment with your kid then I think you're probably the kind of parent that will end up with a kid that feels like their second fiddle.

Both your career and your relationship with your kid are a culmination of 1000 little decisions you made to show up for one or the other, and sometimes you have to choose. This is why its a myth that you can have it all. IMO this seems like an easy version of that choice, the work gain small, the kid gain big.

I absolutely agree with this, and come out on the other side. You career is also the culmination of a 1,000 moments. First day of kindergarten means more to parents than kids. I feel like we are in the era of parenting for show or for our own personal experience.