What is wrong with a woman marrying well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How exactly do you 'teach your daughter to attract a nice man and get married' and what does that look like? You make it sound like it's necessary to set a trap and figure out where to put the cheese in. Besides, most women these days meet their hubbies at work. PResumably what draws them together naturally is shared interests, among other things.

The problem with the cheerleader mom is that she's operating on an outdated model, if she thinks that a guy who is a doctor is going to more interested in an unambitious girl who is pretty than he is going to be interested in the total package -- the girl who is beautiful, fun and also a doctor like he is. Why would a guy choose to limit his earning potential by marrying a girl with no career ambitions, no skills and no drive?

Control.
I've met these men, and that is always what it comes down to. They are very, very controlling with fragile egos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Notice that when a man marries a young hot 20 something, he never gets vilified. It's always the girl who is the vicious, scheming gold digger!

It's the same concept when a guy wants to marry a hot/attractive woman. No one thinks there's anything wrong with that. What's the difference?

The difference is the whore aspect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimately, the only person you should depend on for financial stability is yourself. Attempt to marry rich all you want, but you aren't in control of your spouse's career choices or investments or his relationship with his wealthy parents (or whatever the source of his "stability" is), and he may decide he doesn't care about wealth, or make bad choices and lose it.

Eh - most of the gals who 'marry rich' come from rich families to start with (where do you think they get those ideas and very specific life strategies?! - so there's still mommy and daddy to fall back on.

Where it gets annoying is that these people think that they are better than you. Just for being rich. It's annoying.

For being rich because Daddy was rich and then Hubby was rich, and she's never worked a day in her life.

[Anonymous]

Because they are boring.

I don't respect people who don't some ambition of their own or work they are passionate about or life experience that is interesting. It doesn't have to be paid work, but it should be some contribution to the world beyond marrying a rich guy. (My senior partner's very beautiful wife rescues animals. She doesn't get paid for it, but she is on the board of our local Humane Society and spends a ton of time working on that issue, including getting down and dirty at actual rescues.)

Many of these women don't have any sort of spark at all. They are completely vapid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Notice that when a man marries a young hot 20 something, he never gets vilified. It's always the girl who is the vicious, scheming gold digger!

It's the same concept when a guy wants to marry a hot/attractive woman. No one thinks there's anything wrong with that. What's the difference?

The difference is the whore aspect.

Ah, true. Because if he can't buy it, he won't get it, whereas she has options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is there so much hostility towards a woman who expresses an interest in marrying well? Just because someone falls in love with someone who happens to be rich doesn't mean that woman is a gold digger. Neither does dating only the men who are financially stable make her one. Gold-digging is marrying someone for the express purpose of his wealth.In my experience, no one really does this. I do know women who actively filter men and date wealthy guys but marry them only if they love them. Why so much hate?

I wanted to marry well, but to me, that includes much more than financial security. I have my own career, after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it just acknowledges the economics of the marriage transaction while we're supposed to carry on with the fiction that you should marry for love.

but you can fall in love with a rich guy just as easily as with a poor guy, no?

If all things are equal, it only wise to pick the man with money.

[Anonymous]

The problem with women "marrying well" is that it reinforces gender stereotypes that sees men as the primary breadwinners and women as dependents. One would think that after all of the gains of the women's movement, more women would be seeking independence rather than dependence. I mean, sure, it's nice to be taken care of.

Alternatively, what would the women on this forum think of a man who was interested in marrying well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimately, the only person you should depend on for financial stability is yourself. Attempt to marry rich all you want, but you aren't in control of your spouse's career choices or investments or his relationship with his wealthy parents (or whatever the source of his "stability" is), and he may decide he doesn't care about wealth, or make bad choices and lose it.

Eh - most of the gals who 'marry rich' come from rich families to start with (where do you think they get those ideas and very specific life strategies?! - so there's still mommy and daddy to fall back on.

Where it gets annoying is that these people think that they are better than you. Just for being rich. It's annoying.

For being rich because Daddy was rich and then Hubby was rich, and she's never worked a day in her life.

Yup. I went to private girls school with these kinds of girls.
It was pretty surreal. They would 'summer' at the beach and vacation on distant islands.
Not a bad life if you can get it, but I liked my academics and no, it doesn't mean you're 'better' than anyone else.

To each his own, people. You can't be offended by how other people act, just choose who you keep company with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with women "marrying well" is that it reinforces gender stereotypes that sees men as the primary breadwinners and women as dependents. One would think that after all of the gains of the women's movement, more women would be seeking independence rather than dependence. I mean, sure, it's nice to be taken care of.

Alternatively, what would the women on this forum think of a man who was interested in marrying well?

Everyone doesn't live a life of fighting gender stereotypes to your liking though.
Everyone is free to do as they wish, like it or not.

And frankly not everyone had the brains to have a great career, male or female.

[Anonymous]

We should become the men we once wanted to marry. Lean in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is there so much hostility towards a woman who expresses an interest in marrying well? Just because someone falls in love with someone who happens to be rich doesn't mean that woman is a gold digger. Neither does dating only the men who are financially stable make her one. Gold-digging is marrying someone for the express purpose of his wealth.In my experience, no one really does this. I do know women who actively filter men and date wealthy guys but marry them only if they love them. Why so much hate?

Because a woman should make her own living, and not on her back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because getting married shouldn't be a career plan. I know a certain former cheerleader married to a doctor who has three daughters and she is clearly grooming them for marriage rather than careers. It's sad because she's basically investing in their looks rather than their educations, and creating women who are not strong and self-sufficient. It's as though we are teaching our daughters to be doctors and lawyers and she's teaching hers to be poodles. And this was really obvious from the time the girls were young -- Some girls chose the Girl Scout badges on health and science and her girls chose Haircare and the like. Kinda sad and limiting.

+1

A marriage is a relationship. It is not a financial plan. The man is not a plan. Hope is not a plan.

Everyone has to be capable of self-sufficiency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Notice that when a man marries a young hot 20 something, he never gets vilified. It's always the girl who is the vicious, scheming gold digger!

It's the same concept when a guy wants to marry a hot/attractive woman. No one thinks there's anything wrong with that. What's the difference?

The difference is the appreciation of beauty is seen as human nature whereas the worship of material wealth is seen as a less than admirable trait.

The difference is that the guy is viewed as being stupidly in "love" and unaware that he is marrying a golddigger, whereas the golddigger is very aware of the situation. So while the guy isn't vilified, he is perceived as an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because getting married shouldn't be a career plan. I know a certain former cheerleader married to a doctor who has three daughters and she is clearly grooming them for marriage rather than careers. It's sad because she's basically investing in their looks rather than their educations, and creating women who are not strong and self-sufficient. It's as though we are teaching our daughters to be doctors and lawyers and she's teaching hers to be poodles. And this was really obvious from the time the girls were young -- Some girls chose the Girl Scout badges on health and science and her girls chose Haircare and the like. Kinda sad and limiting.

+1

A marriage is a relationship. It is not a financial plan. The man is not a plan. Hope is not a plan.

Everyone has to be capable of self-sufficiency.

True, but if a woman marries "well" it can greatly improve her life. I do well on my own but with my husband I do even better. On the flip side, marrying a deadbeat or lazy man can pull one down significantly. Who you marry is extremely important.