Anyone have teen boys that do no organized sports?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I will admit that I did force my son to play sports, year round (basketball, lacrosse, and flag). First year I invested a ton of money in lax gear. He hated it. He hated it because he was not as good as many of the other kids. He hated it because he was not as coordinated and the sport is very technical. He would sometimes cry on the way to games. He ended up loving lacrosse and made the travel team. the first summer of travel he fractured his toe. He was crying and crying that he could not play lax for a few weeks. He then was laughing at himself that he used to wish he would break his leg so he did not have to play.

Similar thing happened when he started basketball. He actually cried in the middle of the game beucase he kept on double dribbling and getting calls made on him. He had one game where he was on fire and scored. Ever since then his confidence went through the roof.

The reason I forced him is because I knew the ONLY reason he did not want to do the sports is because he lacked confidence and felt like he did not measure up. As he practiced and got better, he gained his confidence and now would be devastated if I made him opt out. I would not have forced him had he had other interests that took priority. I knew in my heart that he just needed to build his abilities and then he would be OK.

I'm not saying this is for everyone, but for me, as a parent, I will not nurture my kids fears and insecurities. I'm all about building confidence through accomplishments (not just by words and a "good job") and through them working hard and being proud of what they have done on their own. I think the sports and stick with it has served my formerly shy and insecure son well and helped turn him into a confident and proud young man.

+1 . There is really no excuse not to play just one team sport on the rec level. Like anything else that requires a skill, it doesn't get really fun until you obtain a certain level of mastery--I'm thinking piano lessons, art, math, reading, etc. Also, whether you care to admit it or not, among boys, the ability to join in on a team sport gives one a huge leg up socially. It's not just about making money and certainly not about getting a college scholarship, or even about fitness (which one can obtain by oneself) but about the ability to make friends and acquaintances throughout life. It's about also the ability to appreciate sports as a spectator. Winning and losing as a team, learning how to win and lose gracefully, and to endure through struggle are major life lessons that are most easily taught by playing a team sport.

This is a really judgmental statement to assume that team sports, even on the rec level, should be an expectation for all kids. Some kids, obviously not yours, don't do well in a team environment and your contention negates the myriad reasons why. Maybe they are shy, have attention issues, are self-conscious, are just have zero interest in team sports when a more individual pursuit, sports or otherwise, is a better fit. I resent your one-size fits all approach, and this comes from a parent of a kid on a team sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I will admit that I did force my son to play sports, year round (basketball, lacrosse, and flag). First year I invested a ton of money in lax gear. He hated it. He hated it because he was not as good as many of the other kids. He hated it because he was not as coordinated and the sport is very technical. He would sometimes cry on the way to games. He ended up loving lacrosse and made the travel team. the first summer of travel he fractured his toe. He was crying and crying that he could not play lax for a few weeks. He then was laughing at himself that he used to wish he would break his leg so he did not have to play.

Similar thing happened when he started basketball. He actually cried in the middle of the game beucase he kept on double dribbling and getting calls made on him. He had one game where he was on fire and scored. Ever since then his confidence went through the roof.

The reason I forced him is because I knew the ONLY reason he did not want to do the sports is because he lacked confidence and felt like he did not measure up. As he practiced and got better, he gained his confidence and now would be devastated if I made him opt out. I would not have forced him had he had other interests that took priority. I knew in my heart that he just needed to build his abilities and then he would be OK.

I'm not saying this is for everyone, but for me, as a parent, I will not nurture my kids fears and insecurities. I'm all about building confidence through accomplishments (not just by words and a "good job") and through them working hard and being proud of what they have done on their own. I think the sports and stick with it has served my formerly shy and insecure son well and helped turn him into a confident and proud young man.

+1 . There is really no excuse not to play just one team sport on the rec level. Like anything else that requires a skill, it doesn't get really fun until you obtain a certain level of mastery--I'm thinking piano lessons, art, math, reading, etc. Also, whether you care to admit it or not, among boys, the ability to join in on a team sport gives one a huge leg up socially. It's not just about making money and certainly not about getting a college scholarship, or even about fitness (which one can obtain by oneself) but about the ability to make friends and acquaintances throughout life. It's about also the ability to appreciate sports as a spectator. Winning and losing as a team, learning how to win and lose gracefully, and to endure through struggle are major life lessons that are most easily taught by playing a team sport.

This is a really judgmental statement to assume that team sports, even on the rec level, should be an expectation for all kids. Some kids, obviously not yours, don't do well in a team environment and your contention negates the myriad reasons why. Maybe they are shy, have attention issues, are self-conscious, are just have zero interest in team sports when a more individual pursuit, sports or otherwise, is a better fit. I resent your one-size fits all approach, and this comes from a parent of a kid on a team sport.

I love these I'm not-judgmental, but really am judgmental posts.

As a teacher, I think that there are very, very few kids who would not benefit for team sports. Being shy, having attention issues, being self-conscious, lacking interest are NOT good enough reasons to not join a team sport. If your kid has issues to the point where s/he is harming other kids, then s/he should NOT be on a team. However, too many parents like you--who has a kid with none of these issues, it seems--don't realize that kids will not develop resilience if their parents and teachers do give them the tools, practice, and confidence to overcome normal obstacles in life. Being shy as a 5 year old is not a good reason to discourage social activities. Love of sports often develops with repeated exposure to them--not all kids love sports from the womb. There are many situations in life where adults "don't do well," but the competent ones manage to get through them and survive. Don't be an enabler for other people's kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I will admit that I did force my son to play sports, year round (basketball, lacrosse, and flag). First year I invested a ton of money in lax gear. He hated it. He hated it because he was not as good as many of the other kids. He hated it because he was not as coordinated and the sport is very technical. He would sometimes cry on the way to games. He ended up loving lacrosse and made the travel team. the first summer of travel he fractured his toe. He was crying and crying that he could not play lax for a few weeks. He then was laughing at himself that he used to wish he would break his leg so he did not have to play.

Similar thing happened when he started basketball. He actually cried in the middle of the game beucase he kept on double dribbling and getting calls made on him. He had one game where he was on fire and scored. Ever since then his confidence went through the roof.

The reason I forced him is because I knew the ONLY reason he did not want to do the sports is because he lacked confidence and felt like he did not measure up. As he practiced and got better, he gained his confidence and now would be devastated if I made him opt out. I would not have forced him had he had other interests that took priority. I knew in my heart that he just needed to build his abilities and then he would be OK.

I'm not saying this is for everyone, but for me, as a parent, I will not nurture my kids fears and insecurities. I'm all about building confidence through accomplishments (not just by words and a "good job") and through them working hard and being proud of what they have done on their own. I think the sports and stick with it has served my formerly shy and insecure son well and helped turn him into a confident and proud young man.

+1 . There is really no excuse not to play just one team sport on the rec level. Like anything else that requires a skill, it doesn't get really fun until you obtain a certain level of mastery--I'm thinking piano lessons, art, math, reading, etc. Also, whether you care to admit it or not, among boys, the ability to join in on a team sport gives one a huge leg up socially. It's not just about making money and certainly not about getting a college scholarship, or even about fitness (which one can obtain by oneself) but about the ability to make friends and acquaintances throughout life. It's about also the ability to appreciate sports as a spectator. Winning and losing as a team, learning how to win and lose gracefully, and to endure through struggle are major life lessons that are most easily taught by playing a team sport.

This is a really judgmental statement to assume that team sports, even on the rec level, should be an expectation for all kids. Some kids, obviously not yours, don't do well in a team environment and your contention negates the myriad reasons why. Maybe they are shy, have attention issues, are self-conscious, are just have zero interest in team sports when a more individual pursuit, sports or otherwise, is a better fit. I resent your one-size fits all approach, and this comes from a parent of a kid on a team sport.

I love these I'm not-judgmental, but really am judgmental posts.

As a teacher, I think that there are very, very few kids who would not benefit for team sports. Being shy, having attention issues, being self-conscious, lacking interest are NOT good enough reasons to not join a team sport. If your kid has issues to the point where s/he is harming other kids, then s/he should NOT be on a team. However, too many parents like you--who has a kid with none of these issues, it seems--don't realize that kids will not develop resilience if their parents and teachers do give them the tools, practice, and confidence to overcome normal obstacles in life. Being shy as a 5 year old is not a good reason to discourage social activities. Love of sports often develops with repeated exposure to them--not all kids love sports from the womb. There are many situations in life where adults "don't do well," but the competent ones manage to get through them and survive. Don't be an enabler for other people's kids.

I love teachers who think they know everything. There is a cost and benefit to all things. Sometimes the cost outweighs the benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I will admit that I did force my son to play sports, year round (basketball, lacrosse, and flag). First year I invested a ton of money in lax gear. He hated it. He hated it because he was not as good as many of the other kids. He hated it because he was not as coordinated and the sport is very technical. He would sometimes cry on the way to games. He ended up loving lacrosse and made the travel team. the first summer of travel he fractured his toe. He was crying and crying that he could not play lax for a few weeks. He then was laughing at himself that he used to wish he would break his leg so he did not have to play.

Similar thing happened when he started basketball. He actually cried in the middle of the game beucase he kept on double dribbling and getting calls made on him. He had one game where he was on fire and scored. Ever since then his confidence went through the roof.

The reason I forced him is because I knew the ONLY reason he did not want to do the sports is because he lacked confidence and felt like he did not measure up. As he practiced and got better, he gained his confidence and now would be devastated if I made him opt out. I would not have forced him had he had other interests that took priority. I knew in my heart that he just needed to build his abilities and then he would be OK.

I'm not saying this is for everyone, but for me, as a parent, I will not nurture my kids fears and insecurities. I'm all about building confidence through accomplishments (not just by words and a "good job") and through them working hard and being proud of what they have done on their own. I think the sports and stick with it has served my formerly shy and insecure son well and helped turn him into a confident and proud young man.

+1 . There is really no excuse not to play just one team sport on the rec level. Like anything else that requires a skill, it doesn't get really fun until you obtain a certain level of mastery--I'm thinking piano lessons, art, math, reading, etc. Also, whether you care to admit it or not, among boys, the ability to join in on a team sport gives one a huge leg up socially. It's not just about making money and certainly not about getting a college scholarship, or even about fitness (which one can obtain by oneself) but about the ability to make friends and acquaintances throughout life. It's about also the ability to appreciate sports as a spectator. Winning and losing as a team, learning how to win and lose gracefully, and to endure through struggle are major life lessons that are most easily taught by playing a team sport.

This is a really judgmental statement to assume that team sports, even on the rec level, should be an expectation for all kids. Some kids, obviously not yours, don't do well in a team environment and your contention negates the myriad reasons why. Maybe they are shy, have attention issues, are self-conscious, are just have zero interest in team sports when a more individual pursuit, sports or otherwise, is a better fit. I resent your one-size fits all approach, and this comes from a parent of a kid on a team sport.

I love these I'm not-judgmental, but really am judgmental posts.

As a teacher, I think that there are very, very few kids who would not benefit for team sports. Being shy, having attention issues, being self-conscious, lacking interest are NOT good enough reasons to not join a team sport. If your kid has issues to the point where s/he is harming other kids, then s/he should NOT be on a team. However, too many parents like you--who has a kid with none of these issues, it seems--don't realize that kids will not develop resilience if their parents and teachers do give them the tools, practice, and confidence to overcome normal obstacles in life. Being shy as a 5 year old is not a good reason to discourage social activities. Love of sports often develops with repeated exposure to them--not all kids love sports from the womb. There are many situations in life where adults "don't do well," but the competent ones manage to get through them and survive. Don't be an enabler for other people's kids.

I love teachers who think they know everything. There is a cost and benefit to all things. Sometimes the cost outweighs the benefit.

When it comes to children, I'd probably side with a teacher.

[Anonymous]

I think we all do what we think is best for our children. Who really knows what is best. The answers are varied.

What I have observed is that kids who do sports are very confident. I do think this does have great benefits later in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC's private school requires one sport a year. We didn't send him there for sports. All teams are no cut and everyone gets to play. So he plays a sport every year. Very low key school. Usually at the bottom of whatever division they play in with some good years sometimes.

DC does not have an athletic bone in body. School thinks team sports are good for community building and I agree.

Can you tell me what school? We have a non-athletic boy and are thinking about private school for the high school years. A school like Bullis has many positives to me, but I don't want to send my kid to a school where he'll be required to play a sport if he's going to hate it. Then again, he doesn't do much of anything individual or otherwise to stay fit, is subsequently overweight and unhealthy, so maybe this would be the right thing for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I will admit that I did force my son to play sports, year round (basketball, lacrosse, and flag). First year I invested a ton of money in lax gear. He hated it. He hated it because he was not as good as many of the other kids. He hated it because he was not as coordinated and the sport is very technical. He would sometimes cry on the way to games. He ended up loving lacrosse and made the travel team. the first summer of travel he fractured his toe. He was crying and crying that he could not play lax for a few weeks. He then was laughing at himself that he used to wish he would break his leg so he did not have to play.

Similar thing happened when he started basketball. He actually cried in the middle of the game beucase he kept on double dribbling and getting calls made on him. He had one game where he was on fire and scored. Ever since then his confidence went through the roof.

The reason I forced him is because I knew the ONLY reason he did not want to do the sports is because he lacked confidence and felt like he did not measure up. As he practiced and got better, he gained his confidence and now would be devastated if I made him opt out. I would not have forced him had he had other interests that took priority. I knew in my heart that he just needed to build his abilities and then he would be OK.

I'm not saying this is for everyone, but for me, as a parent, I will not nurture my kids fears and insecurities. I'm all about building confidence through accomplishments (not just by words and a "good job") and through them working hard and being proud of what they have done on their own. I think the sports and stick with it has served my formerly shy and insecure son well and helped turn him into a confident and proud young man.

+1 . There is really no excuse not to play just one team sport on the rec level. Like anything else that requires a skill, it doesn't get really fun until you obtain a certain level of mastery--I'm thinking piano lessons, art, math, reading, etc. Also, whether you care to admit it or not, among boys, the ability to join in on a team sport gives one a huge leg up socially. It's not just about making money and certainly not about getting a college scholarship, or even about fitness (which one can obtain by oneself) but about the ability to make friends and acquaintances throughout life. It's about also the ability to appreciate sports as a spectator. Winning and losing as a team, learning how to win and lose gracefully, and to endure through struggle are major life lessons that are most easily taught by playing a team sport.

This is a really judgmental statement to assume that team sports, even on the rec level, should be an expectation for all kids. Some kids, obviously not yours, don't do well in a team environment and your contention negates the myriad reasons why. Maybe they are shy, have attention issues, are self-conscious, are just have zero interest in team sports when a more individual pursuit, sports or otherwise, is a better fit. I resent your one-size fits all approach, and this comes from a parent of a kid on a team sport.

I love these I'm not-judgmental, but really am judgmental posts.

As a teacher, I think that there are very, very few kids who would not benefit for team sports. Being shy, having attention issues, being self-conscious, lacking interest are NOT good enough reasons to not join a team sport. If your kid has issues to the point where s/he is harming other kids, then s/he should NOT be on a team. However, too many parents like you--who has a kid with none of these issues, it seems--don't realize that kids will not develop resilience if their parents and teachers do give them the tools, practice, and confidence to overcome normal obstacles in life. Being shy as a 5 year old is not a good reason to discourage social activities. Love of sports often develops with repeated exposure to them--not all kids love sports from the womb. There are many situations in life where adults "don't do well," but the competent ones manage to get through them and survive. Don't be an enabler for other people's kids.

You are forgetting another segment. The ones who have absolutely no knack for athletics. My children fall into that category. We tried tennis, soccer, baseball, TKD, swimming..... All for multiple years. NOting took and they were the slowest kids in the pool. Never got hits or caught a ball. Never got the ball onthe soccer field- in fact froze and could not do any in the if the ball came anywhere close................. They were fine in TKD until they reached the second or third belt, then the teachers kind just stopped helping them. Always the lowest ranked memebr of the rec team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I will admit that I did force my son to play sports, year round (basketball, lacrosse, and flag). First year I invested a ton of money in lax gear. He hated it. He hated it because he was not as good as many of the other kids. He hated it because he was not as coordinated and the sport is very technical. He would sometimes cry on the way to games. He ended up loving lacrosse and made the travel team. the first summer of travel he fractured his toe. He was crying and crying that he could not play lax for a few weeks. He then was laughing at himself that he used to wish he would break his leg so he did not have to play.

Similar thing happened when he started basketball. He actually cried in the middle of the game beucase he kept on double dribbling and getting calls made on him. He had one game where he was on fire and scored. Ever since then his confidence went through the roof.

The reason I forced him is because I knew the ONLY reason he did not want to do the sports is because he lacked confidence and felt like he did not measure up. As he practiced and got better, he gained his confidence and now would be devastated if I made him opt out. I would not have forced him had he had other interests that took priority. I knew in my heart that he just needed to build his abilities and then he would be OK.

I'm not saying this is for everyone, but for me, as a parent, I will not nurture my kids fears and insecurities. I'm all about building confidence through accomplishments (not just by words and a "good job") and through them working hard and being proud of what they have done on their own. I think the sports and stick with it has served my formerly shy and insecure son well and helped turn him into a confident and proud young man.

The flip side of this - where the kid cries in the middle of a game - is that it can really backfire. Some kids can really retreat into insecurity and lack of confidence. Just because your kid recovered doesn't mean every kid will.

I am a fan of sports and participation in it, but people act like it's the 'end all be all' of life. It really isn't. And you're encouraging your kids to think that it is. Which causes them to treat kids who aren't in sports as 'less than' them. See the cycle?

Really. It's okay for kids not to do sports. They won't fail at life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we all do what we think is best for our children. Who really knows what is best. The answers are varied.

What I have observed is that kids who do sports are very confident. I do think this does have great benefits later in life.

I have also observed that starting in about fifth grade, many kids who do team sports are very mean.

There are benefits, and there are negatives.

Kids can get team experience through many team activities, and they do not have to be sports.

Band, theater, robotics, scouts, student council, academic teams, dance...the list goes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we all do what we think is best for our children. Who really knows what is best. The answers are varied.

What I have observed is that kids who do sports are very confident. I do think this does have great benefits later in life.

I have also observed that starting in about fifth grade, many kids who do team sports are very mean.

There are benefits, and there are negatives.

Kids can get team experience through many team activities, and they do not have to be sports.

Band, theater, robotics, scouts, student council, academic teams, dance...the list goes on.

^^^Yes!

[Anonymous]

I didn't read all these posts but I have one child in team sports and one in theater. What is it with this area of the world that thinks sports is the only way to succeed in life? It's not. I don't play sports and I didn't as a child and I have great friends, family and work (which is very collaborative). I happen to think my kid in theater also has learned resiliency, works hard to accomplish goals and has an approach of working well with others. Sports is not the only answer and it's really sad for non-sport kids who feel sometimes that they are outside the loop of mainstream America because they don't happen to like games with balls. They aren't and we should all be more accepting of different kids --especially our own.

I will enjoy this summer watching my DC in several musicals and my other DC play in a chess tournament while the team sports are on hold for the summer. Shame on all of you for thinking sports is the only way to raise a good kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we all do what we think is best for our children. Who really knows what is best. The answers are varied.

What I have observed is that kids who do sports are very confident. I do think this does have great benefits later in life.

So how do I get my 13 year old involved in a team sport when he really has no skills? Most kids have been playing for 10+ years at this point and he doesn't even have the basics down! And he's quiet, so he's not going to gravitate naturally towards a 'get in there and get the ball' kind of approach. He has mentioned liking soccer, but what team is going to take him with no skills?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we all do what we think is best for our children. Who really knows what is best. The answers are varied.

What I have observed is that kids who do sports are very confident. I do think this does have great benefits later in life.

So how do I get my 13 year old involved in a team sport when he really has no skills? Most kids have been playing for 10+ years at this point and he doesn't even have the basics down! And he's quiet, so he's not going to gravitate naturally towards a 'get in there and get the ball' kind of approach. He has mentioned liking soccer, but what team is going to take him with no skills?

On a rec league, they have to take him. One of my sons played rec soccer all the way through highschool and there were a few boys who didn't start until middle school. They weren't the best, but they picked it up quickly and did just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So how do I get my 13 year old involved in a team sport when he really has no skills? Most kids have been playing for 10+ years at this point and he doesn't even have the basics down! And he's quiet, so he's not going to gravitate naturally towards a 'get in there and get the ball' kind of approach. He has mentioned liking soccer, but what team is going to take him with no skills?

Rec leagues! My son isn't a great athlete, but loves playing so we stick with the rec league. He's 13, and almost every single year there is at least one kid who has never played the sport before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So how do I get my 13 year old involved in a team sport when he really has no skills? Most kids have been playing for 10+ years at this point and he doesn't even have the basics down! And he's quiet, so he's not going to gravitate naturally towards a 'get in there and get the ball' kind of approach. He has mentioned liking soccer, but what team is going to take him with no skills?

Rec leagues! My son isn't a great athlete, but loves playing so we stick with the rec league. He's 13, and almost every single year there is at least one kid who has never played the sport before.

Please tell me - how do you get in these 'rec leagues'? Signed, clueless and desperate...