Advice for divorcing narcissistic husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I think it's safe to say the previous respondents to OP are miserable women. I'll ask the most basic of questions regarding this that no one has bothered to ask:

What, in your opinion, makes him a "narcissist"?

from dictionary.com:

noun
1. a person who is overly self-involved, and often vain and selfish.
2. Psychoanalysis. a person who suffers from narcissism, deriving erotic gratification from admiration of his or her own physical or mental attributes.

It's not necessary to minimize others' experience dealing with an NPD spouse or discount women who share their insight as "miserable." About 5% of the population is NPD, some statisticians put that % higher. That's one out of 20, so I don't think its out of the ordinary that people who have gone through this reply.

The dictionary is not the standard here. DSM V is the clinical manual to strictly compare characteristics, and it's very difficult to diagnose. NPDs are highly manipulative. These people often have a public persona and a private persona, so I wouldn't be so quick to discount a spouse's experience or insinuate it's not believable. It's a type of emotional abuse, and like physical abuse, it's very sneaky, done privately, and extremely soul crushing.

OP has never stated once why she feels DH is "narcissistic". I have a hunch she doesn't really know what that word means.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't have to justify it to you, PP. Get over it. Those of us with experience with this are prepared to take her at her word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't have to justify it to you, PP. Get over it. Those of us with experience with this are prepared to take her at her word.

riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't have to justify it to you, PP. Get over it. Those of us with experience with this are prepared to take her at her word.

Haha

[Anonymous]

OP if you are still out there go to www.outofthefog.net. It's much better moderated and you won't be subject to trolls who likely have PDs themselves. They know to look out for that sort of stuff and review all posts. DCUM relies on reports so the moderation can be spotty, no slight to Jeff intended. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP has never stated once why she feels DH is "narcissistic". I have a hunch she doesn't really know what that word means.

Quite honestly, that's the same thing I thought about you when you quoted the dictionary instead of DSM-5

Google diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders - 5 . Search personality disorders. You should be able to find criteria there so that you can properly and intelligently tell people who have a good chance that they're being emotionally abused that they don't know what they're talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP has never stated once why she feels DH is "narcissistic". I have a hunch she doesn't really know what that word means.

Quite honestly, that's the same thing I thought about you when you quoted the dictionary instead of DSM-5

Google diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders - 5 . Search personality disorders. You should be able to find criteria there so that you can properly and intelligently tell people who have a good chance that they're being emotionally abused that they don't know what they're talking about.

Do tell me, what part of the following tells me her DH is "narcissistic"?

He likes to do battle. I prefer to avoid battles when possible.

[Anonymous]

^^^I'm OP. you're right, thank God you spoke up when you did. you corrected this horrible mistake just in time. I now know he's not a narcissist ... He's just an asshole! Wow, I almost made a terrible mistake thinking I was divorcing a narcissist. Now it will be so much easier knowing I'm divorcing a run-of-the-mill jerk instead. Thank you anonymous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^I'm OP. you're right, thank God you spoke up when you did. you corrected this horrible mistake just in time. I now know he's not a narcissist ... He's just an asshole! Wow, I almost made a terrible mistake thinking I was divorcing a narcissist. Now it will be so much easier knowing I'm divorcing a run-of-the-mill jerk instead. Thank you anonymous.

Not PP, but the point is valid. What makes him a narcissist instead of a regular jerk?

[Anonymous]

IDK seems to me like OP got issues on her own that causes her H to be an a-hole.
Don't expect to be patted in the back if you effed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^I'm OP. you're right, thank God you spoke up when you did. you corrected this horrible mistake just in time. I now know he's not a narcissist ... He's just an asshole! Wow, I almost made a terrible mistake thinking I was divorcing a narcissist. Now it will be so much easier knowing I'm divorcing a run-of-the-mill jerk instead. Thank you anonymous.

Not PP, but the point is valid. What makes him a narcissist instead of a regular jerk?

Jerks can acknowledge they screwed up. Narcissists never do unless it benefits them (i.e. apologizing will get you back under their control). Jerks are sometimes difficult but know when to stop because it's not worth their time. Narcissists are mad that they can't control you anymore and they never stop; they will spend all of their time and energy attempting to make your life difficult, even or the littlest, stupidest things. Jerks have a decent sense of reality. Narcissists live in their own little twisted world. Jerks care about how they fare in the end, and don't really care what happens to you, but they're not going to purposely try to make you suffer in a dramatic way. Narcissists are hell-bent on destroying your life and will not stop until it's done, and take pleasure in seeing you suffer.

Not OP but I've had experience. I'm sure OP knows the difference.