17 Month Old Won't Pay Attention or Follow Instructions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my son turned 17 months old a few days ago. He doesn't miss much of what we ask of him, but he doesn't follow all of our orders either! I used to be a nanny and by happenstance cared for all girls. From my experience, some of the gender based stereotypes are often true. The girls I cared for loved to sit still, people watch...and would be content just sitting in my lap if we were in public.

My son? Yeah, not happening. From the time he was 7-8 months old he has just wanted to get out of my lap and be mobile, where ever we are.

Try to give him regular previews of what's to come. I have found that to be very helpful. Find active things he CAN do, that you don't have to say no to, as an alternative.

Thanks, I'm trying not to get frustrated by the selective hearing after seeing everyone's replies that it's normal. All of our friends are little girls and gosh they are so ahead verbally and socially!

I am the PP and my son never stops talking. Yours will be there soon too, just wait!!

Also try to give him choices between two things you have preapproved in your mind. That can help with some of the behaviors that stem from him wanting some control over what happens.

It's been rough lately but get him outside as much as possible, even if it is just digging in some dirt outside your house. My son is so much easier to deal with when he is outside exploring.

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP. This is totally pregnancy talking. At 17 months they have figured out their own agency - that they can say no and exert their own independence. They're just not an at age yet to express themselves nicely, and their inner world revolves around them. Totally normal, but yes, exasperating! Deep breaths and hang in there. It's a phase, and it passes just like they all do. Before you know it he'll be in grade school and you'll be wondering where the heck your little boy went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a textbook toddler.

He sounds more active than average - and I don't say this because I think there is any developmental issue - but because it helps to acknowledge reality and adjust tactics!

OP, your son sounds exactly like every toddler boy I know, including my own 18 month old. I don't know if this pp has only had daughters or had a very mellow son, but everything you've described is completely normal and not "more active than average." I think we have become so overly concerned with every milestone in a book or Google, that we don't enjoy our kids as much as we could. Our mothers didn't fret like this. Probably cause there wasn't as much information readily available but please remember to enjoy this time and not get hung up on every little behavior. This time is very fleeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a textbook toddler.

He sounds more active than average - and I don't say this because I think there is any developmental issue - but because it helps to acknowledge reality and adjust tactics!

OP, your son sounds exactly like every toddler boy I know, including my own 18 month old. I don't know if this pp has only had daughters or had a very mellow son, but everything you've described is completely normal and not "more active than average." I think we have become so overly concerned with every milestone in a book or Google, that we don't enjoy our kids as much as we could. Our mothers didn't fret like this. Probably cause there wasn't as much information readily available but please remember to enjoy this time and not get hung up on every little behavior. This time is very fleeting.

Well, the way OP describes it, he is visibly more active than the other toddlers his age at the story time, so I don't see why to doubt that. Again, nothing at all wrong with this - this stuff is all on a continuum - but denying it doesn't really help. The point is that OP needs to develop approaches to discipline/set limits with a very active boy. It's not about milestones and comparing, but about learning how to best work with your particular child. And to do that, you need to be able to accurately understand their individual personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a textbook toddler.

He sounds more active than average - and I don't say this because I think there is any developmental issue - but because it helps to acknowledge reality and adjust tactics!

OP, your son sounds exactly like every toddler boy I know, including my own 18 month old. I don't know if this pp has only had daughters or had a very mellow son, but everything you've described is completely normal and not "more active than average." I think we have become so overly concerned with every milestone in a book or Google, that we don't enjoy our kids as much as we could. Our mothers didn't fret like this. Probably cause there wasn't as much information readily available but please remember to enjoy this time and not get hung up on every little behavior. This time is very fleeting.

Well, the way OP describes it, he is visibly more active than the other toddlers his age at the story time, so I don't see why to doubt that. Again, nothing at all wrong with this - this stuff is all on a continuum - but denying it doesn't really help. The point is that OP needs to develop approaches to discipline/set limits with a very active boy. It's not about milestones and comparing, but about learning how to best work with your particular child. And to do that, you need to be able to accurately understand their individual personality.

Ok, yes, I agree, he sounds more active than average in that particular story time on that particular day, but definitely not in general. I think the best thing for OP to do is avoid story time altogether until DS is older and able to sit longer.

[Anonymous]

Step away from the google, OP! Your little one is high energy and totally FINE. It may be time to start working on settting boundaries and rules. But it will take awhile before he catches on. Don't fret.

FWIW, my first child was fiery dragonchild from the moment of birth. Totally neurotypical but colicky as a babe and extremely high energy AND dramatic as a little kid. We actually seem to have hit a moment of equilibrium at 3.5; she can usually calm herself down with deep breathing; and she can play at one thing for long stretches of time and follows instructions (at least as long as she's well fed and rested).
My second child was a sunshine baby but very high energy. Happy as a clam 99% of the time, but she just IS ALWAYS MOVING. ALWAYS. She fidgets in her sleep. At 18 months is showing signs of the selective hearing and boundary-testing that you describe. Since it is not accompanied by regular 30-minute tantrums, I'm happy as a lark. This too is normal.

I always look at sister's compliant son with a bit of awe. He's 4 and I don't think he has EVER been defiant or had a meltdown (as I understand it). He'll cry when upset but I don't think I've EVER seen anything I would call a tantrum. And he's smart as a whip. Anyway, the point is not, I think, that my sister is a superior parent or that her kid is weird. There is just a VERY WIDE range of normal.

[Anonymous]

I have a 17 mo DS just like this. I sometimes get frustrated/worried/whatever when he doesn't pay attention in music class or something like that but I try to remember that he is just a toddler, but I can relate to looking around and wondering how all these other kids are sitting still. Try not to compare. They all have strengths and weaknesses and its going to change. I just keep going to activities and trying to redirect him back to the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my son's 18 month checkup, his ped says "does he listen and understand when you say "no"? And by that I mean, does he look stop, look at you, smile, and go ahead and do exactly what you just told him not to do?"

Your son sounds like a delightful and high energy little guy. Try to enjoy it!

+1. My 17-month-old son sounds exactly the same as OP's. I would skip story time and let him burn off energy at the park.

I also have a 17 month son that is like this. Story/music time can be difficult (for me…bc I wish he'd sit still like the other kids) but he enjoys it in his own way. He will pay attention for 5 min, walk away and do something else for 5 min, etc. I think as long as the facilitator is OK with this you should keep going. My feeling is that its good for them to have the variety. We also do a lot of running around…usually before an activity like this. Another good option is a gymboree type class where its very active but they still do a circle time. Might be a good mix of structure and free play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a textbook toddler.

He sounds more active than average - and I don't say this because I think there is any developmental issue - but because it helps to acknowledge reality and adjust tactics!

OP, your son sounds exactly like every toddler boy I know, including my own 18 month old. I don't know if this pp has only had daughters or had a very mellow son, but everything you've described is completely normal and not "more active than average." I think we have become so overly concerned with every milestone in a book or Google, that we don't enjoy our kids as much as we could. Our mothers didn't fret like this. Probably cause there wasn't as much information readily available but please remember to enjoy this time and not get hung up on every little behavior. This time is very fleeting.

Well, the way OP describes it, he is visibly more active than the other toddlers his age at the story time, so I don't see why to doubt that. Again, nothing at all wrong with this - this stuff is all on a continuum - but denying it doesn't really help. The point is that OP needs to develop approaches to discipline/set limits with a very active boy. It's not about milestones and comparing, but about learning how to best work with your particular child. And to do that, you need to be able to accurately understand their individual personality.

The families at storytime are a self-selecting group. Many parents with very active toddlers wisely choose not to take them to storytime. He'd likely look "average" at a baby-gym class or the playground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a textbook toddler.

He sounds more active than average - and I don't say this because I think there is any developmental issue - but because it helps to acknowledge reality and adjust tactics!

OP, your son sounds exactly like every toddler boy I know, including my own 18 month old. I don't know if this pp has only had daughters or had a very mellow son, but everything you've described is completely normal and not "more active than average." I think we have become so overly concerned with every milestone in a book or Google, that we don't enjoy our kids as much as we could. Our mothers didn't fret like this. Probably cause there wasn't as much information readily available but please remember to enjoy this time and not get hung up on every little behavior. This time is very fleeting.

Well, the way OP describes it, he is visibly more active than the other toddlers his age at the story time, so I don't see why to doubt that. Again, nothing at all wrong with this - this stuff is all on a continuum - but denying it doesn't really help. The point is that OP needs to develop approaches to discipline/set limits with a very active boy. It's not about milestones and comparing, but about learning how to best work with your particular child. And to do that, you need to be able to accurately understand their individual personality.

The families at storytime are a self-selecting group. Many parents with very active toddlers wisely choose not to take them to storytime. He'd likely look "average" at a baby-gym class or the playground.

Excellent point. You find what activities suit your child's personality. Don't try to fit a square peg into a round hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are concerned b/c you need to educate yourself.

Read TouchPoints.

Please parent responsibly.

Thanks, I will check out that book. I will admit I'm the soft type of parent, I love my son very much and he's really not a bad kid, so I don't think I've ever raised my voice at him and I rarely say no. I mean, we can go out to restaurant and have a meal with him, he's traveled on an airplane 4 times already and it wasn't too bad, I don't worry he's going to have a meltdown in the middle of Target (and if he starts getting cranky he's easily distracted by something pulled off of the shelf and than handed back to the cashier). I think that because he doesn't throw tantrums and is easily distracted away from what he's doing, I've let some other bad behaviors go.

Oh, my God! OP, you're kid's not "bad." Dr. Brazelton is like Mr. Rogers for pediatrics:

OP, please get yourself on an anti-depressant to help with your anxiety. You are in need of help. (Really your kid is fine.)