17 Month Old Won't Pay Attention or Follow Instructions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like my son. Don't compare him to girls, most girls are less physical at this age which makes your son look even more active in comparison.

We tried music class when he was about your sons age. He would run around the class while the other kids sat in their parents laps. We switched to swimming.

Thanks that makes me feel better. We used to do swimming but unfortunately it's a little hard to get in and out of the pool right now with a toddler. I hope to start up again in the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's definitely paying attention -- he's just not doing what you want him to do. Totally normal!

Haha, I feel like I want to print this out and put this on my fridge!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a typical "actuve" boy. I have two of them. It can be isolating. My advice would be to stop going to library story time. Get him involved in classes that get him moving. Little Gym, gymnastics, swimming, Gymboree, JW tumbles. Whatever you have near you.

I thought he would enjoy it because he can sit through a book or two at home, and he loves to listen when I read nursery rhymes in the tub (he watches my face intently). We do Gymboree 3x a week and it's always great, he loves climbing on the ramps and flinging himself on the mats and going down the slide by himself. He also loves parachute time and watching the teacher sing and bring out Gymbo (he always runs up to give Gymbo a kiss). He sometimes participates in the activities (mostly when it's banging on the air log or putting sticks through the traffic cones) there too, that's why I thought he'd enjoy playing with toys at during the free play. But he's never been big on toys (he can stack 10 of his giant blocks) and he loves to empty out containers and fill them again, and will push the buttons on his musical instruments and than turn around to make sure we are watching him "dance", but other than that, he's not interested in any of his cars or trains whatsoever. He usually runs from toy to toy for a few minutes and than gets bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, this is the age where they start to realize they can do what *they* want instead of what *you* want. Totally normal!

Thank you! That's easing my worries.

[Anonymous]

I'm a children's librarian and I NEVER brought my DS or DD to storytimes at that age. Libraries offer them because parents ask for them but the kids who can sit quietly through a story at 17 mos old are a definite minority! At home, I'd read while they play (you mention reading while he's in the bath and that's a great idea).

My toddlers like gymboree-type classes and Music Together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds very playful and high energy (which must be a challenge when you are very pregnant!) It also sounds like he's really enjoying interacting and engaging with people right now, so perhaps he's very social or just going through a phase where he's exploring how people react, etc.

Maybe for now focus on activities that are very physical for him (as much as you can, depending on how you feel) or more interactive classes with other kids/people. Maybe your DH can try to tire him out some with some physical games. Good luck!

Yes, he loves watching people when he's not running off. Haha. and he gets so excited whenever he go to the playground he starts squealing and shrieking and stomping his feet in happiness as soon as we get in view of the other kids playing. He especially likes older kids and he tries to interrupt their play. Like today, he walked into a basketball game with arms outstretched and the older boys were so sweet to hand him their ball for a few minutes, a mom there remarked on how happy he looked that he was able to get the ball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal. Breathe in. Breathe out. Enjoy the stage for what it is -- exploring his world, experimenting with what he can control, etc. (I'm not being snarky. Just breathe.).

Yes, that's exactly what I need to do! It's hard being super pregnant and running after a toddler all day long, and since I spend every minute with him (I've never been away from him for longer than 4 hours), it's hard not to over-analyze every behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh OP, I chuckled at this thread title. Some day, you will too!

For what it's worth, my first would never wave, do the high five thing, blow kisses, whatever. She was also a late talker (but not delayed). She in kindergarten now, no issues. My second one was doing all those things much, much earlier. Different kids, essentially the same environment.

Relax, read and talk to your child, and let him develop at his own pace. The last thing you want is for him to pick up on your anxiety. He's doing just fine!

Thank you! I hope so

Yes, we do read a lot at home, but I need to stop comparing him with other kids. It's a terrible habit. I'm expecting him to be a late talker as I didn't talk until I was 2-2.5 and he's like my twin. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

OP, my son turned 17 months old a few days ago. He doesn't miss much of what we ask of him, but he doesn't follow all of our orders either! I used to be a nanny and by happenstance cared for all girls. From my experience, some of the gender based stereotypes are often true. The girls I cared for loved to sit still, people watch...and would be content just sitting in my lap if we were in public.

My son? Yeah, not happening. From the time he was 7-8 months old he has just wanted to get out of my lap and be mobile, where ever we are.

Try to give him regular previews of what's to come. I have found that to be very helpful. Find active things he CAN do, that you don't have to say no to, as an alternative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kiddo sounds fine. You sound like you need some help with the anxiety you've identified. Hugs!

Thank you! Yeah, I'm going to talk to my midwife, my hormones aren't helping matters!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At my son's 18 month checkup, his ped says "does he listen and understand when you say "no"? And by that I mean, does he look stop, look at you, smile, and go ahead and do exactly what you just told him not to do?"

Your son sounds like a delightful and high energy little guy. Try to enjoy it!

Haha, that's great!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my son turned 17 months old a few days ago. He doesn't miss much of what we ask of him, but he doesn't follow all of our orders either! I used to be a nanny and by happenstance cared for all girls. From my experience, some of the gender based stereotypes are often true. The girls I cared for loved to sit still, people watch...and would be content just sitting in my lap if we were in public.

My son? Yeah, not happening. From the time he was 7-8 months old he has just wanted to get out of my lap and be mobile, where ever we are.

Try to give him regular previews of what's to come. I have found that to be very helpful. Find active things he CAN do, that you don't have to say no to, as an alternative.

Thanks, I'm trying not to get frustrated by the selective hearing after seeing everyone's replies that it's normal. All of our friends are little girls and gosh they are so ahead verbally and socially!

[Anonymous]

Maybe when he's about my husband's age he'll be able to do all this. Maybe not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are concerned b/c you need to educate yourself.

Read TouchPoints.

Please parent responsibly.

Thanks, I will check out that book. I will admit I'm the soft type of parent, I love my son very much and he's really not a bad kid, so I don't think I've ever raised my voice at him and I rarely say no. I mean, we can go out to restaurant and have a meal with him, he's traveled on an airplane 4 times already and it wasn't too bad, I don't worry he's going to have a meltdown in the middle of Target (and if he starts getting cranky he's easily distracted by something pulled off of the shelf and than handed back to the cashier). I think that because he doesn't throw tantrums and is easily distracted away from what he's doing, I've let some other bad behaviors go.

OP, you haven't "let bad behaviors go," that's not the point at all. The point is that what he's doing is developmentally normal. He doesn't want to look at flash cards. He wants to explore his world. He is going to defy you. That's normal. Stop expecting him to be a little automaton. And if he were, you would be having a panic attack that he's autistic. Is that what you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to develop some parenting tactics ASAP. Read all you can in the next 4 weeks about positive discipline and toddler development and limit setting. It sounds like you have an active little guy, so you really need a plan of attack.

How is your house set up? He seems like the type who would do well with a big, safe enclosed space to roam around freely.

Are there any books you would recommend? Our house is 3 stories but we mostly spend time on the middle floor which is open concept floor plan, he has pretty much free range to go wherever he likes, I very rarely say "no" to him when it comes to running around the house. he knows how to get off the couch himself so I let him climb on it and we padded the corners of our coffee table so if he wants to climb on that, it's pretty much fine. He knows how to get up and down the stairs by himself too and though we do have baby gates, I sometimes leave our bottom one open if I'm in the kitchen and he knows to stop at the landing. He isn't going around flinging himself off of things haphazardly and he won't really go off on his own to play by himself in the living room, when we are home he tends to hang out with us in the room we are in.

Positive Discipline - the First Three Years
Jo Frost Toddler Rules
How to Talk so Kids Will Listen (a little early for this one but you will learn a lot
The Janet Lansbury blog (RIE)

Really, read anything about toddlers and discipline you can get your hands on. There is no magic book, it's more about getting ideas and seeing what works.

Since you are going to have so much on your hands, I think you could really benefit from a few sessions with a parenting coach or child psychologist on setting limits. Things are going to get real sticky if you don't have a plan! I don't think anything unusual is going on but the extra support and framework could really help.