The One Where She Finds Out Her Boyfriend Of 8 Months Has a Girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Best revenge, sleep with the girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry this happened to you.

That being said, the over-dramatic thread title indicates you are the kind who absolutely relishes drama.

Ignore this one. Some people are assholes.

Oh, come on. She's acting like this is a Very Special episode of "Friends."

NP, it's not over-dramatic, it's a joke. Riffing off how implausible and "TV-like" this scenario is. Jeez, in addition to being insensitive, you have the sense of humor of a root vegetable!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What?? The girlfriend still wants him? Tell her Wh can have him, he's aaallllll hers. And don't look back.

Yes. I'm curious, how did you respond if you did?

I would tell her that you were unaware she existed but now that you know, he is allllll hers. (Unless there's other girlfriends) He certainly isn't worth fighting for.

I'm sorry OP. I had a husband like this. I let the other woman have him, she knew full well he was married and had a baby. I figured they deserved each other. Lo and behold he cheated on her too.

Feeling rage and numbness at the same time makes sense. It may take a bit of time to get over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Full story with details please. He's a dog.

So sorry, OP. Same thing happened to me, only he was married and it went on for two years. He his a wife for two years. Used his condo to see me. And yes, I met his father and sister. Eventually the wife called me.

Men are deranged. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm so sorry.

Yes, you're feeling the typical emotions. At some point, numbness will go away and rage will take over. Then you will process it. The hardest part is that you will get NO explanation from him that will satisfy you. Because it doesn't make sense to a normal, empathetic person. You have to accept that he has a wholly different way of relating to people--one in which deception and self deception is second nature.

The story reminds me of someone I dated years ago, who then started sleeping with my roommate, so that ended, but we stayed in the same circles. Years later, I knew another one of his exes, who lived in Europe. They had been together for a couple years, she was his first serious love, etc. I also knew the woman (fiance) he was living with, in the US. One day the woman in europe called me to ask if I had heard from him. Evidently they had gotten back together for over a year, and they were supposed to meet up to go to Italy for a ski trip (he traveled to europe every 6-8weeks), and suddenly he didnt show up, didn't call, didnt answer phone or email. Because his US girlfriend decided to go on his work trip this time. The 'ex" was livid: they had been talking about her moving to the US, doing a second degree, marriage, etc.

I told her about the woman he was living with--she said, oh, yeah his housemate. No, I clarified, his fiance--they had a big wedding planned. She went ballistic, of course, and I even got in touch to tell him what a scumbag he was, and that he needed to tell his fiance. He denied the whole thing, called the "ex" crazy and vindictive. He ended up getting married 2 months later in a small family only wedding and they have 3 kids and I have no idea whether he is faithful or not. Kind of think not, since I think he's pathological, but who knows.

The thing that really really shocked me was that some of his (male) friends knew--they didn't approve, but they kept quiet. One of them was a good, mutual friend of the "ex" (but they stopped speaking after she realized the betrayal). I wrestled for a long, long time about whether to tell the fiance (whom I didn't know at all). I instead just told off the guy, but figured that he would just put a spin on things, as he tried with me, that his ex was hysterical, jealous, etc. To this day I wondered if I should have said something to her. It was horrible enough confronting him years ago, after what he did to me, but now that I'm married with kids, I wonder.

[Anonymous]

Similar thing happened to me, but he was married. I felt humiliated and pissed. But mostly I started to doubt the world--how could I have trusted him like that? But in the end, I came to the conclusion: I am a good, trusting person and I'm not going to let some sick pathological a-hole turn me into someone I don't want to be. I did have some hints from my intuition that I ignored.

The whole experience made me stronger and smarter. I still trust people, but I listen to my intuition. I trust but verify. If I catch someone in a lie (that they talk themselves out of), I don't 100% buy the story. I always keep it in the back of my mind.

And you need to get into therapy to figure out why your self-esteem is so bad. You might not be the most gorgeous girl in the room, but there is a guy out there for you who will think you are perfect just the way you are. But you have to believe it first.

[Anonymous]

I had a boyfriend like this once (we were both in our 20s). His other GF decided to keep him, and he and I kind of bizarrely stayed friends, which was easier because it had turned into a long distance relationship so really only meant phone calls every once in a while. Anyway, I'm so grateful to have dodged that bullet. We're facebook friends now and I have just watched his marriage unravel due to his cheating. It sucks big time to go through it, but just be happy he got caught fairly early on.

[Anonymous]

the numbness is an aspect of shock and dissociation which are common ways to deal with trauma. read up on infidelity and PTSD.

[Anonymous]

NP here, I just wonder -- what is the best way to deal with an asshole like this? What would really hurt him, but wouldn't imperil one's own safety? I just wonder because it seems like he treats women this way and will keep on doing so because all that happens to him is women find out and get out of his life. But he's never punished, and he really should be. Like, if there were a way to tell his mom and dad what he had done, maybe? I dunno what would actually hurt a guy like this or make him not want to do it again.

I mean, cutting off his penis, yeah. But that's rather extreme, even I can see that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here, I just wonder -- what is the best way to deal with an asshole like this? What would really hurt him, but wouldn't imperil one's own safety? I just wonder because it seems like he treats women this way and will keep on doing so because all that happens to him is women find out and get out of his life. But he's never punished, and he really should be. Like, if there were a way to tell his mom and dad what he had done, maybe? I dunno what would actually hurt a guy like this or make him not want to do it again.

I mean, cutting off his penis, yeah. But that's rather extreme, even I can see that.

Probably not a damn thing. And why waste your time and energy on trying? So not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here, I just wonder -- what is the best way to deal with an asshole like this? What would really hurt him, but wouldn't imperil one's own safety? I just wonder because it seems like he treats women this way and will keep on doing so because all that happens to him is women find out and get out of his life. But he's never punished, and he really should be. Like, if there were a way to tell his mom and dad what he had done, maybe? I dunno what would actually hurt a guy like this or make him not want to do it again.

I mean, cutting off his penis, yeah. But that's rather extreme, even I can see that.

Don't give him the satisfaction of caring. Chin up and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ages of all those involved.

Why does this matter? Is it some how okay if he's 25 vs 35?

Apparently you can't fucking read because where did I write that it was ok?

Go away!

You go away. I asked a simple question and was attacked by another poster.

NP here. You should probably see a therapist. Someone asked you a question, they did not attack you. You responded by cursing them out. Crazy response.

Ah yes, the therapy response. Some of you think that's the answer to every problem in the universe. Well, I'm here to tell you it's not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here, I just wonder -- what is the best way to deal with an asshole like this? What would really hurt him, but wouldn't imperil one's own safety? I just wonder because it seems like he treats women this way and will keep on doing so because all that happens to him is women find out and get out of his life. But he's never punished, and he really should be. Like, if there were a way to tell his mom and dad what he had done, maybe? I dunno what would actually hurt a guy like this or make him not want to do it again.

I mean, cutting off his penis, yeah. But that's rather extreme, even I can see that.

Probably not a damn thing. And why waste your time and energy on trying? So not worth it.

The thing is, if they were rational, they would have figured out a long time ago that what they were doing is wrong. The cheating is a pathology, an indication that the cheater has some serious personality and/or emotional issues going on. There's no rationalizing crazy.

[Anonymous]

Were you FB friends, as PP mentioned? Did you spend time at his home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here, I just wonder -- what is the best way to deal with an asshole like this? What would really hurt him, but wouldn't imperil one's own safety? I just wonder because it seems like he treats women this way and will keep on doing so because all that happens to him is women find out and get out of his life. But he's never punished, and he really should be. Like, if there were a way to tell his mom and dad what he had done, maybe? I dunno what would actually hurt a guy like this or make him not want to do it again.

I mean, cutting off his penis, yeah. But that's rather extreme, even I can see that.

The universe will catch up to them they'll end up bald , alone and dying of an incurable penis infection