Thanksgiving w/ IN LAWS vs. Mom with cancer

[Anonymous]

My mom died of cancer over 20 years ago. She was expected to live about ten years but she lived one and a half years. I would give anything for another Thanksgiving with her. I would not waste a single chance to create another beautiful memory with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom died of cancer over 20 years ago. She was expected to live about ten years but she lived one and a half years. I would give anything for another Thanksgiving with her. I would not waste a single chance to create another beautiful memory with her.

What type of cancer? I have never heard of giving a 10 year prognosis. I am a nurse. You are full of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom died of cancer over 20 years ago. She was expected to live about ten years but she lived one and a half years. I would give anything for another Thanksgiving with her. I would not waste a single chance to create another beautiful memory with her.

What type of cancer? I have never heard of giving a 10 year prognosis. I am a nurse. You are full of it.

You're a real, bitch, nurse. Screw you. I didn't say it was her prognosis. It's what she told me at the time. What the fuck is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom died of cancer over 20 years ago. She was expected to live about ten years but she lived one and a half years. I would give anything for another Thanksgiving with her. I would not waste a single chance to create another beautiful memory with her.

What type of cancer? I have never heard of giving a 10 year prognosis. I am a nurse. You are full of it.

You're a real, bitch, nurse. Screw you. I didn't say it was her prognosis. It's what she told me at the time. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Oh and it was multiple myeloma. Thanks for your concern.

[Anonymous]

Can you host both sides? That is what my sister did when it was probable one grandparent was nearing the end. One was set was local and one set was 800 miles away. Fantastic day, my mother and my BIL's uncle were hysterical - never had met each other prior to that. It was a really great day.

Can someone else host both sides? We did when we hosted DH's family and also invited his sister in laws family. That year no one was local. Again, a really great time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom died of cancer over 20 years ago. She was expected to live about ten years but she lived one and a half years. I would give anything for another Thanksgiving with her. I would not waste a single chance to create another beautiful memory with her.

What type of cancer? I have never heard of giving a 10 year prognosis. I am a nurse. You are full of it.

You're a real, bitch, nurse. Screw you. I didn't say it was her prognosis. It's what she told me at the time. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Yeah, YOU are full of it, "nurse": full of being a dick.

Sorry about your mom, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
No brainer, OP. Your mom. Done.

This stuff really isn't that easy.

Family isn't about one day. Or one holiday. This could just as easily be the last thanksgiving with any one (otherwise healthy) member of the family on the other side. We had one person who was healthy and vivacious die suddenly on vacation. Another who was sure every holiday was her last lived to a ripe old age.

Go to your moms if you want. But it might not be the right thing to disrupt already made plans for e erroneous else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it matters HOW sick she is. My FIL has some form on lymphoma that does not result in imminent death. He is not in chemo or anything and is living a normal life. He has been told he probably has 10 years. So no, his cancer is not a trump card for him to demand our presence whenever he wants.

Way to project. OP didn't say anything about her mother asking for anything.

OP, I would definitely err on the side of spending extra time with your mom. Even if her cancer is slow-moving or curable or whatever, going through cancer is usually difficult and always scary. I hope that your MIL would understand that and know that you would/will show her the same compassion when she has a health crisis.

Good luck.

+1 Would definitely be with my mom at every possible opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom died of cancer over 20 years ago. She was expected to live about ten years but she lived one and a half years. I would give anything for another Thanksgiving with her. I would not waste a single chance to create another beautiful memory with her.

What type of cancer? I have never heard of giving a 10 year prognosis. I am a nurse. You are full of it.

You're a real, bitch, nurse. Screw you. I didn't say it was her prognosis. It's what she told me at the time. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Yeah, YOU are full of it, "nurse": full of being a dick.

Sorry about your mom, PP.

Thank you. I have been called a troll on dcum before but I never thought talking about my mom's cancer would raise suspicions. I would hope that a real nurse would be more interested in offering the OP some support and advice than in telling people they are lying about their mother's cancer.

[Anonymous]

Where are you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom died of cancer over 20 years ago. She was expected to live about ten years but she lived one and a half years. I would give anything for another Thanksgiving with her. I would not waste a single chance to create another beautiful memory with her.

What type of cancer? I have never heard of giving a 10 year prognosis. I am a nurse. You are full of it.

You're a real, bitch, nurse. Screw you. I didn't say it was her prognosis. It's what she told me at the time. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Oh and it was multiple myeloma. Thanks for your concern.

NP: my father has Waldenstrom's, which is a blood CANCER, and it's been 5 years since his diagnosis. He's doing well, and was given 7-10 years when he was diagnosed. it's actually a disease related to many CANCERS which have very long median survival rates. Prostate cancer is another one. PP, I'm so sorry for your loss, and nurse, maybe read up a little!

[Anonymous]

We tried to see both sides whenever possible. Unless your mom has a dire diagnoses I would stick to your original plan of spending the holidays with his family. The reason being - life is not a guarantee for any of us.

If you spent this holiday with your mom instead and your MIL received a bad diagnosis in January and was gone by March or she in a car accident and suddenly gone.

What happens if next year you have both an in law AND your mom fighting a life threatening illness? Who do you choose in a situation like that? Or do you and your dh divide up - he takes one kid with him to see his family, you take one kid to see your family?

I think it's better to just stick with every other year. No reason that you can't still be there for your mom during the rest of the year. Focus on giving your children happy and meaningful holiday memories.

[Anonymous]

^One thing that I also realize is that it is important for our kids to have memories of holidays in OUR home with US too. When they are older, I want them to have warm fuzzies waking up on Christmas morning in their own beds and smelling turkey baking in our house. It is o.k. to stay at home sometimes, too.