I need help not thinking about divorcing my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not advocating for divorce but something needs to change because the resentment will kill you. DH lost his job twice and we had little kids or one kid and another in the way. He was filled with shame anger and depression, but he networked like crazy, applied for jobs and ended up with a much better job.

He did not automatically pick up slack at home but I made lists of chores and asked him which ones he was going to accomplish and more importantly when, while acknowledging that job search can be draining. It was a rough time but it was imperative that I did not make him feel worse by nagging, at same time I did not let him off hook. Made it business like. I also prefaced it as "when yo get a new job you will have to put 110% in st the start and I will pick up the slack for you. In the meantime I appreciate you taking on xyz chores so I can focus more on work during this period."

It sounds like you were smart and compassionate about it, good for you. I hope the OP takes note.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"So some of the posters here are seriously just dismissing depression in an unemployed spouse?"

Well, on one hand, when I first saw that this hasn't been going on very long I though OP was overreacting. But on the other, sometimes we don't know our spouse's true character until we face a crisis, and what OP is seeing is not pretty.

In terms of "depression," if this has been going on since the unemployment started then it seems this is an issue of character, because it does take a bit time for depression to kick in.

1. OP's character isn't very pretty either if she is willing to dump him because he lost a job. Consider that what men feel all the time is what the OP is feeling because most of the time men are expected to be the major bread winner and many if not most of us have SAHs for spouses. We KNOW that the wives say "we love you" but they don't REALLY accept us as a person. They EXPECT that we bring a laundry list of things to the table and lord forbid we are unable to provide any portion of what she has put onto that list for any limited period of time.

2. "it take a bit of time for depression to kick in" I call B.S. Have you ever gong through that experience? I have and it is like getting kicked in the gut. Everything that you are is ripped apart. Most men invest their selves into their career. We closely identify our self worth with our ability to be successful and bring money home for the wife and kids. Women simply do NOT understand.

3. I've btdt.... My ex divorced me very quickly after I lost my job. She was a SAHM and she destroyed everything I (we) had worked for. I is devastating to have the organization with people you've worked with for years who you thought were a team turn their back on you and then to have your wife who supposedly loves you turn her back and on top of that take everything you own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: As someone who was un(der)employed after completing a Masters, I felt like I wasn't bringing to the table as much as I knew I could earn, but as a female it wasn't as big of the issue.

How's the gravy train?

You're a dick ^^. When women have equal access to top power jobs, men like you can finally get off the gravy train idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You're a dick ^^. When women have equal access to top power jobs, men like you can finally get off the gravy train idea.

Oh please. You want "equal access to top power jobs" but you also don't want any of the responsibility of providing for your family. Just like in this example, look at all the women on this board who openly admit to dragging ass, screaming IDGAF, but think it's OK because "we're women." Screw that.

[Anonymous]

Stop driving the kids. Either he takes care off them all day or HE drives them to the relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: As someone who was un(der)employed after completing a Masters, I felt like I wasn't bringing to the table as much as I knew I could earn, but as a female it wasn't as big of the issue.

How's the gravy train?

You're a dick ^^. When women have equal access to top power jobs, men like you can finally get off the gravy train idea.

You're a complete moron, PP. Most men don't have access to power jobs either, and they are still expected to suck it up at their job they hate and provide for their families. You're a brainwashed idiot. - a woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You're a dick ^^. When women have equal access to top power jobs, men like you can finally get off the gravy train idea.

Oh please. You want "equal access to top power jobs" but you also don't want any of the responsibility of providing for your family. Just like in this example, look at all the women on this board who openly admit to dragging ass, screaming IDGAF, but think it's OK because "we're women." Screw that.

You're an idiot. Im the Vice President of a large technology company. I got this job due to a lot of work and a hell of a lot of luck. I have plenty of responsibility for my family. I can only speak foe women in technology, but we all bust our asses for our families and also carry a heavy load and home while putting up with a mountain of bullshit and misogyny at work.

Go smoke a dick.