Is habitual lying a part of ADHD?

[Anonymous]

just putting a link reference to the above post-- http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/9775.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What kind of lying" should be addressed, in addition to "What is lying?"

Your own truth is based on your perception. A kid with ADHD has difficulty in the intake of information. If information comes in warped and garbled and they act based on that warped perception, then how can you call it lying?

I have an older brother who lied all the time.
Now that I have an ADHD kid, I have come to the realization that my brother probably has undiagnosed ADHD.
Not being able to deal with ADHD from that person's perspective really ruins relationships.

Take, for a recent example:
My brother was at our cousin's brand-new house, checking out her brand-new stove.
He decides he'd turn the knob on the stove. He broke it.
We all jumped on him. What the hell are you doing? What the hell are you thinking? He said "I just turned it and it did that. It must have been defective"
We say- of course it's not defective. You are lying. You must have done something on purpose to break it. Now why would you do such a thing?
Moods ruined. Relationships strained. My brother doesn't understand why people are upset at him because it wasn't his intention to break the knob.

Now that I've done so much reading on ADHD, symptoms, and just other "stuff" that happens around it, I've realized these possibilities:

My brother has issues with impulse control. He turned the knob without thinking.
My brother has issues with brain-body connection. His hand doesn't accurately receive the signal from his brain on how much pressure to put on something. Perhaps this is why he breaks things all the time.
My brother's "lies" are based on his perception- He only turned the knob. I didn't do anything wrong. It broke. Why are people mad at me?
Then there's the short term memory issue. Next time he comes over to my cousin's house, he would have forgotten that he broke the knob and he'll do the same thing again.

This is the same thing that was happening with my child. We were getting angry at her for not being able to control her impulses.
My child is medicated. My brother is not. My child has shown huge improvement with being able to control her impulses, but what has helped a lot more, is that I understand what "lying" may be. It's lying to us, but it's not to them. So it really depends on what you are calling lying.

In our house now, we do not ever accuse anyone of lying. It puts people at a defensive state. Instead, we talk about what may have happened.

Here's what I don't get. Someone fidgets with a stove knob and the stove knob breaks. This is an accident. Make it easy for that person to apologize. You don't jump on them for "lying" or ask that person "what the hell were you thinking?" You make it easy for them to save face. An accident is an accident. WTF? Yes, fidgeting is immature. But what do you get out of a group of people jumping on a grown man and interrogating him? What do you expect to happen in this situation? This is an insane family dynamic.

I'm 20:41. My brother is 47 years old. You don't get that "it's an accident" when these other things have happened too:

- He borrowed my husband's car and broke the rear view mirror while he was adjusting it. "it just fell off"
- He broke the acrylic towel bar in our guest bathroom shower.
- He broke the sprayer in my kitchen while he was washing dishes.
- He broke the side view mirror of my mom's car.
- The lever of my recliner
- Lots of laptops, cameras, DVD players, all broken.

All accidents? All to just be "forgiven" ? What's to forgive? He doesn't think it's his fault and so why should he say he's sorry? How do you make it easy for someone to save face when this is the normal occurrence? Yes, it becomes an insane family dynamic. And that's what we folks with family members with ADHD need to know and accept- whether you like it or not, ADHD WILL affect the dynamics and unless you really watch it and train everyone to be compassionate and understand the underlying issues (poor motor control, poor impulses), you will have all these strained relationships and that person will ADHD will only get worse.

Don't think that ADHD is all just about poor motor control and poor impulses, it is a web of tangled up and distorted thought processes and unless you work on getting those processes untangled, the person will never improve. My DD is 13 now and thankfully, she is able to tell me her thought process. Every day we reassure her that our home is a safe environment for her to tell us what and how she is thinking. She tells us all the time that she's not lying. And we do believe her, but it's also after we talk about her thought process- and sure enough, on the outside, or for someone who doesn't understand the full context, it can sound like she is lying.

OP here. PP you just 100% described my son!!!! We have a long list of broken and / or stolen devices, appliances, toys, clothing, etc…He breaks almost everything he touches. After observing him, I noticed that he is very aggressive in the manner in which he handles almost anything. He moves recklessly, impulsively, adjusts objects in a haphazard way, never taking care with anything, no matter how expensive it is or how fragile it is. When we remind him he needs to adjust knobs or anything carefully, he accuses us of overreacting. Then it breaks. If it happens in front of us, he apologizes. If it happens when we are not in the room, he lies about it and says he didn't do it. He can't seem to control his urge to be cranky with just about everything and anything so he feels compelled to lie to salvage what dignity he has left, to give at least the impression that he is somewhat honorable.

Bottom line is if he could help it, I think he would have by now. Nobody likes to be accused of lying over and over again or having a reputation of breaking everything they touch. BUt that doesn't mean they can't be taught over time. And thats why I'm seeking a psychotherapist for my son.

[Anonymous]

Hello OP, I'm glad you found my post about my brother helpful. My brother doesn't fidget with things, he uses things just like we all do but he can't control the force the he puts on them, and that's why they break. My daughter used to break stuff all the time too, but after we started her on medication, we saw a lot of improvement.

I hope you find those other articles that I've posted from ADDitude helpful as well.

I totally understand where you are coming from, OP, and it's just so hard to put everything into words here. It's just so complex.
It really needs to be a family effort.

[Anonymous]

Yes! So true. They were very helpful, thank you.