The rich girl...

[Anonymous]

My roommate in college was super wealthy. She was really nice, but had the worst habit of borrowing money and then forgetting to pay it back. She just really did forget. Borrowing $20 or $50 was nothing to her. Like you wouldn't expect to give someone back a cup of sugar you borrowed. And she never had any cash on her. Sigh.

So, I agree with others that she may be very, very nice and love being part of your low-key family. But she may also do things that are just clueless in the money front because she doesn't really know the value of money. Just make sure your son understands that when she suggests they go out to dinner someplace nice, and then go to the movies, and then.... that's it's totally okay for him to say that would blow his allowance for the next six months, and he'd rather just get some fro yo and watch netflix. So long as he feels confident and not like he needs to play in her world, I think he'll be fine. And if she's the kind of girl that's too good to go for fro yo and hang out for the evening, then he probably needs to move on, right?

I'd also have the talk about the separate wing of the house and bedroom, and what your expectations are....

[Anonymous]

my dream!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get your hesitation; we grew up simply and my parents worked in poverty-focused and faith-based organizations too, so my early exposures to extreme wealth were hard for me to understand/process. Continue to keep your son grounded, and treat her kindly. Try to incorporate her in your own family/home to the extent you're comfortable with that. She may really appreciate the dynamics of a lower-key family that has different kinds of dinner conversations. Not much else you can do.

I think this is good advice. You should get to know her, for all you know she would 100% choose your situation any day of the week if it meant having both parents around. That part makes me feel really badly for her and she might really bond with you.

I mean even if they break up, as most kids do, you might play a really great role in her coming of age, who knows?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just stress to your son that romantic relationships work best when the two people have similar values. Huge disparity in money sometimes (not always) means a big difference in values.

What an awful message.

How is that not reality- sometimes, not always the PP said. And its held pretty true. She doesn't necessarily mean universal human values- of course those are going to be commonly held. More nuanced things, 2 families might both value not being wasteful and sometimes income disparity can make those values actually quite different in practice because of one's base level outlook on things/ consumption.

I don't think PP was being malicious, its just reality.

[Anonymous]

Ok, if by "value" you mean how much peanut butter is left in the jar before it's ok to toss, then you may have a point. But I don't think that's a reasonable interpretation of "value" in this context.

[Anonymous]

I think people, starting with op, are making a mountain out of a molehill. The "couple" will most likely break up by New Year's if not before. Too much angst over a teenage fling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up solidly Middle Class but I can and will write a treatise on the habits of the Rich. When I was a kid I had horses, though Middle Class, and managed to hang with the wealthier kids, when I got into college, as luck would have it, I ended-up dating a fabulously wealthy girl, and then I took a job working for a firm and once again moved into the C-Suite as an executive assistant to, you guessed it, a fabulously wealthy man. We travelled the world on his jet and I won't bore you with the details, but we went everywhere. Places that most people don't even know exist.

I'll write a book about it one day but for our purposes here's the deal. By and large the rich lack empathy. They don't care because they don't have to. Though technically they live on the same planet as you and I they really don't live in the same world. I hope the girl has some sense and really does hunger for normalcy but my guess is that her friends and acquaintances are like ceramic figurines in a cabinet. Basically, they're collectibles. She or he is used to attention because they have come to expect it.

Notice when you talk to the extraordinarily wealthy? They don't make eye contact and are preoccupied. Why? You bore them. You''re not a connection they want to make. You're not on the opera board and you're not worth a couple of 100M. Basically you don;t move the needle in their world. They don't, in reality, give a fuck about you.

There's hope though. Want to beat them? Simple If you're a trash collector be self-absorbed. Be self-absorbed in what you do just like them. Don't run over to their house and don't rush to do the things they want you to do. That drives them crazy. Make yourself interesting by being interested in yourself.

Read. The super rich are always looking for an advantage and if you're smart, I was and am, you become a fulcrum for them. Don't be afraid to say it's great what you do but you could do it better. That intrigues them. They spend their days listening as people
try and climb us their ass. Just be yourself. Know something about the market and art and current events.




Have an informed opinion. Most have become rich by doing one thing and doing the one thing extraordinarily well. They're myopic. Don't be myopic.

Take the daughter out hiking or take her to a ball game or take her to a cultural event. Do something she has never done before like fishing. Seriously. Put a goddamn worm
on a hook and catch a small slimy fish. Better still if you catch a trout and eat it. She'll flip. Teach her how to change a tire. Tear the down the wall between that hermetically sealed world that she lives in and put her in the real world.

Good luck.

Its amazing to me the assumptions that people are making. Just because someone is rich doesnt mean they don't have family values. There a-holes both rich and poor in this world and enough stupid to go around. I grew up middle class and had friends rich and poor and now we are 5%ers. I have super high expectations for my kid, which includes manners, gratitude and absolutely nipping all lazy behavior as soon as I see it. I have had a job non stop since I was 16 and my expectation is my kid will also start working in high school. Please stop making assumptions about the money her father has. She may like your son and you a lot but its crazy to me that people assume the ONLY she reason would like your family is so can feel "normal"--she probably feels just fine. If this girls turns out nuts, then that is a reflection on your son for choosing her. Please keep an open mind.