The rich girl...

[Anonymous]

I'd just stress to your son that romantic relationships work best when the two people have similar values. Huge disparity in money sometimes (not always) means a big difference in values.

[Anonymous]

You should feel honored that successful chose to mingle with your son.

This could be your son's chance at breaking free from the cycle of middle class poverty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to school with a lot of wealthier people--and, the only thing I would watch out for is alcohol and drug use. While there were a lot of great wealthier kids, there was also a large number who drank heavily and eventually did harder drugs. They had access to alcohol via the country club lifestyle and enough money to have access to all the drugs they wanted.

Your son's girlfriend is probably a perfectly nice girl who is not into all that; but, I would make sure she is welcome in your house and on family outings--and that they are not just going to her house all the time. Plus, as one poster pointed out, younger relationships sometimes end very quickly.

I had access to a lot of alcohol via the fridge in the garage and lots of drugs from my older neighbor in college. Not sure what a country club lifestyle has to do with getting alcohol

I had a country club lifestyle, horses, the whole nine yards. Would have had no idea where to get alcohol.

We didn't have a country club membership (we were kind of middle class but trying to squeeze into upper-middle without anyone noticing we couldn't quite afford it), and my parents kept all the hard alcohol on the floor of the linen closet, located between my bedroom and my brother's bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Absentee parents, too much freedom, expecting to be "treated" to gifts DS can't afford. But that last one is a bit unfair since I don't know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to school with a lot of wealthier people--and, the only thing I would watch out for is alcohol and drug use. While there were a lot of great wealthier kids, there was also a large number who drank heavily and eventually did harder drugs. They had access to alcohol via the country club lifestyle and enough money to have access to all the drugs they wanted.

Your son's girlfriend is probably a perfectly nice girl who is not into all that; but, I would make sure she is welcome in your house and on family outings--and that they are not just going to her house all the time. Plus, as one poster pointed out, younger relationships sometimes end very quickly.

I had access to a lot of alcohol via the fridge in the garage and lots of drugs from my older neighbor in college. Not sure what a country club lifestyle has to do with getting alcohol

PP here; my school-mates parents who were country club members, all drank a lot; they drank at the club and then they would come back to a fully-stocked (accessible to teenagers without supervison) bar at home. Club would also illegally serve minors. School administrators "looked the other way" for wealthier kids who were constantly drunk or high at school events--which made the behavior even more acceptable. Poorer kids did not get a "pass" and were kicked out. The drinking and drugs weren't that unusual, it was just that they were so accessible to my cohort whose parents were also engaging in the same behaviors. Most of the kids turned out ok, but some were apparently pre-disposed to becoming alcoholics and addicts. Unlike poorer people, most were able to dry out in rehab.

I started drinking with these friends when I was 15, but never had enough money to buy their drugs and they weren't sharing for free (thank goodness.) I never had any alcohol or drug problems, but know many of my "rich" friends who did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was the rich girl. We always had more than everyone else. Just be yourself. My parents required good grades, community service hours, and church attendance for me to keep my privileges. I was exactly who every mother wanted if they could see the rough the trappings. Some friends' parents were embarrassingly rude. Don't make comments on how big their house is or their cars. People would come to my parents' house and ask if we got lost or say that their whole house was the size of our kitchen. Don't say things like that. Say, "Your home is beautiful. We have enjoyed getting to know Karen."

Of course, this raises the question of why your parents wanted such an ostentatious house and set of cars in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd just stress to your son that romantic relationships work best when the two people have similar values. Huge disparity in money sometimes (not always) means a big difference in values.

What an awful message.

[Anonymous]

Should we expect the GF's dad to post asking how should he deal with his DDs poor BF? Should he counsel his DD that poor folk just don't have the same values as we do?

Or just have DS listen to the oldie "Desiree" by The Ranch.

[Anonymous]

I think it says something about the girl that she is dating someone who isn't in the same spot, money-wise. Otherwise, I don't think there are any potential problems surrounding this issue.

[Anonymous]

OP - I think you've unfairly jumped to the conclusion that this girl will be trouble simply because she comes from a family with money. You need to step and re-evaluate your judgements. She lost her mother and her father travels a lot. She has picked your son to spend time with because she has clearly been taught how to appreciate people for who they are and not what they have. That's a lesson that you could learn.

How would you feel if, as a teenage girl who needs the comforts of family and a comforting mother figure, you found out your bf's mom went around bashing you for something out of your control? You'd feel pretty shitty! Since you're actually the adult in this situation it's obvious to me that you should re-evaluate not only how you treat people, but also how you judge them. From what you've described this 16-year old girl has more compassion and empathy than you do...

[Anonymous]

The pitfalls: that you will see the money and not the girl. That you and your son will try to keep up to the standard they can afford instead of being who you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just stress to your son that romantic relationships work best when the two people have similar values. Huge disparity in money sometimes (not always) means a big difference in values.

What an awful message.

Yup. And sometimes not.

[Anonymous]

I grew up solidly Middle Class but I can and will write a treatise on the habits of the Rich. When I was a kid I had horses, though Middle Class, and managed to hang with the wealthier kids, when I got into college, as luck would have it, I ended-up dating a fabulously wealthy girl, and then I took a job working for a firm and once again moved into the C-Suite as an executive assistant to, you guessed it, a fabulously wealthy man. We travelled the world on his jet and I won't bore you with the details, but we went everywhere. Places that most people don't even know exist.

I'll write a book about it one day but for our purposes here's the deal. By and large the rich lack empathy. They don't care because they don't have to. Though technically they live on the same planet as you and I they really don't live in the same world. I hope the girl has some sense and really does hunger for normalcy but my guess is that her friends and acquaintances are like ceramic figurines in a cabinet. Basically, they're collectibles. She or he is used to attention because they have come to expect it.

Notice when you talk to the extraordinarily wealthy? They don't make eye contact and are preoccupied. Why? You bore them. You''re not a connection they want to make. You're not on the opera board and you're not worth a couple of 100M. Basically you don;t move the needle in their world. They don't, in reality, give a fuck about you.

There's hope though. Want to beat them? Simple If you're a trash collector be self-absorbed. Be self-absorbed in what you do just like them. Don't run over to their house and don't rush to do the things they want you to do. That drives them crazy. Make yourself interesting by being interested in yourself.

Read. The super rich are always looking for an advantage and if you're smart, I was and am, you become a fulcrum for them. Don't be afraid to say it's great what you do but you could do it better. That intrigues them. They spend their days listening as people
try and climb us their ass. Just be yourself. Know something about the market and art and current events.
Have an informed opinion. Most have become rich by doing one thing and doing the one thing extraordinarily well. They're myopic. Don't be myopic.

Take the daughter out hiking or take her to a ball game or take her to a cultural event. Do something she has never done before like fishing. Seriously. Put a goddamn worm
on a hook and catch a small slimy fish. Better still if you catch a trout and eat it. She'll flip. Teach her how to change a tire. Tear the down the wall between that hermetically sealed world that she lives in and put her in the real world.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

^^^Oh for Pete's sake. OP's son will most likely date this girl for no more than a month or two. You are entirely overblowing things in your "analysis of the rich."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to school with a lot of wealthier people--and, the only thing I would watch out for is alcohol and drug use. While there were a lot of great wealthier kids, there was also a large number who drank heavily and eventually did harder drugs. They had access to alcohol via the country club lifestyle and enough money to have access to all the drugs they wanted.

Your son's girlfriend is probably a perfectly nice girl who is not into all that; but, I would make sure she is welcome in your house and on family outings--and that they are not just going to her house all the time. Plus, as one poster pointed out, younger relationships sometimes end very quickly.

I had access to a lot of alcohol via the fridge in the garage and lots of drugs from my older neighbor in college. Not sure what a country club lifestyle has to do with getting alcohol

+1
It doesn't take a wealthy family to make it easier to access drugs and alcohol. At all.