What would you say to a 10 (almost 11) year old DD if she decided she was a vegetarian?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went veg when I was 6 - the only one in my family.

I didn't get whole separate meals. Usually I just ate whatever everyone else was eating, minus the meat. Tacos, with no meat (soy crumble didn't exist back then). Spaghetti and meatballs and salad, with no meatballs.

Americans get enough protein that your daughter'll probably be ok skipping protein with dinner a few times a week if it comes to that.

But you can also just get some prepared chickpea salads and whatnot from the deli, or some frozen falafels, if you want to see her getting protein with every dinner.

I don't see why she can't learn to cook. I never did learn, and still don't really cook for myself much - thank goodness for my husband and restaurants - so can see a few other ways you could also deal with this.

Some 35 years later, I am still very grateful that my parents took my choices seriously. I think your daughter will feel this way, too. It's great you're being so supportive.

Similar experience here -- I was ten when I became a vegetarian, grateful my parents were supportive, I took responsibility for making sure I supplemented regular family meals when needed, they helped where they could (mom learned to make spaghetti sauce without meat, etc.).

[Anonymous]

OP here.
Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions and ideas.
We sat down with our nanny a few days ago.
She said she was overwhelmed with DD being picky with her food before becoming vegetarian. For example, DD would refuse multiple choices of food offered by the nanny while making school lunches. Dinner leftovers (involving meat), turkey sandwiches and occasional hotdogs were something that my DD would actually eat. It's a nut free school, so now DD's lunches would be more challenging with no meat and my DD being picky.
She said she was supportive of my DD becoming a vegetarian, but wanted her to take some responsibility for planning her meals - meaning DD should do some research about nutrition and come up with different choices to substitute the meat part of the meals. Not cook her own meals, although she would be expected to help on no homework days.

It's been a few days and things seem to be going well. We got veggie bacon and burgers in the freezer. Eggs, lentil soup, some indian food and a few other options.
It will probably take a few more days to adjust, but so far so good.

Thank you everyone

[Anonymous]

OP, from personal experience I WOULD NOT support a picky eater becoming vegetarian.

You can be a vegetarian but you need to eat a variety of vegetables, beans, nuts, legumes, etc. Make sure she is getting enough calories.

For what it is worth, I am familiar with the stories of many parents who had children with eating disorders, and a majority say that the first sign of their children's restricting came when they decided to be vegetarian. Not that every child who wants to be vegetarian develops an eating disorder. But many children who ended up with anorexia, started out by restricting meat. That restriction was the start that threw them down the rabbit hole into a full blown eating disorder.

Watch your child carefully. If you feel she isn't eating enough calories INTERVENE QUICKLY. The sooner you intervene the better the outcome.

[Anonymous]

And no, 10 years old is not too young to develop an eating disorder. Many parent say their child started restricting that young but they didn't realize what was happening until a couple years later -- WATCH OUT is all I am saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd have her try it out and make her take an active role in researching, shopping for, and making healthy , balanced meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Feed your daughter what you eat and find a new nanny.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd make extra and freeze some leftovers. I'd have each kid learn a couple easy dishes. Vegetarian kid can learn to scramble some eggs, or to make black beans and rice, or to microwave a veggie burger. Omnivore kid can learn to stick some salmon under the broiler, or fry up a hamburger. Then they have options when the nanny cooks something that only works for one kid.

Indeed. As a longtime vegetarian, "feeding the freezer" is your best friend. It cuts a lot of hassle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd make extra and freeze some leftovers. I'd have each kid learn a couple easy dishes. Vegetarian kid can learn to scramble some eggs, or to make black beans and rice, or to microwave a veggie burger. Omnivore kid can learn to stick some salmon under the broiler, or fry up a hamburger. Then they have options when the nanny cooks something that only works for one kid.

OP here.
Actually, she does make eggs for breakfast sometimes. So maybe that's an idea for her for some days.
And as one of the previous posters said, my son could make some bacon. He would be happy about it.
I'm trying to see the nanny's side and I understand to a point - she only has an hour before they have to leave, so supervising homework, folding laundry, letting dogs out, cooking meat, pasta and vegetables at the same time might get overwhelming.
But I like some of the ideas mentioned before - on those days my DD could easily grab a yogurt or make some eggs.
I think I know how I'm going to approach this.
We really love our nanny. She is extremely flexible with our crazy hours and she truly loves my kids. She's been with us for almost two years.
I was taken aback by what she said. My DD can be a picky eater at times and she probably got concerned that it would be too much for her to handle.

Careful she doesn't overcompensate the lack of meat with too much dairy/eggs. It's an easy mistake to make as a beginner, when you go vegetarian, and it's not good for you.

If I were you I'd find a vegetarian-friendly nutritionist and get some advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And no, 10 years old is not too young to develop an eating disorder. Many parent say their child started restricting that young but they didn't realize what was happening until a couple years later -- WATCH OUT is all I am saying.

Please stop conflating being a vegetarian and having an eating disorder. The latter is a serious health problem, the former is, in most cases, a compassionate ethical choice.

It makes my blood boil when people talk as if going vegetarian is the start of anorexia or what have you. You sound very misinformed.

[Anonymous]

Re school lunches. That's a good place for DD to start on menu planning. It addresses the nanny's issue, it often involves food assembly more than actual cooking, and it probably can't be solved with frozen food.

Turns out my veg daughter didn't care much about variety. Buy a thermos/food jar and cold packs, if you don't already have them, would top my list of advice. Mac n' Cheese, Hummus and veggies, yogurt and fruit, Greek Salad, and Caprese are some of the simple things DD has liked (that are also nut-free, a constraint we didn't have.). Leftovers -- pasta with lentil sauce, quinoa stuffed roasted peppers -- were also big hits for lunch time. Always a couple of fruits and some raw veg that can be eaten like snack food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And no, 10 years old is not too young to develop an eating disorder. Many parent say their child started restricting that young but they didn't realize what was happening until a couple years later -- WATCH OUT is all I am saying.

Please stop conflating being a vegetarian and having an eating disorder. The latter is a serious health problem, the former is, in most cases, a compassionate ethical choice.

It makes my blood boil when people talk as if going vegetarian is the start of anorexia or what have you. You sound very misinformed.

Going vegetarian was one of the first "restrictions" in my ED (anorexia) because it was a socially acceptable one. I was 16. You also sound very misinformed about eating disorders. The ratio of girls who were Veg*n at my inpatient treatment facility was incredibly high. For that very reason, veg*nism was not allowed in the treatment center, no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And no, 10 years old is not too young to develop an eating disorder. Many parent say their child started restricting that young but they didn't realize what was happening until a couple years later -- WATCH OUT is all I am saying.

Please stop conflating being a vegetarian and having an eating disorder. The latter is a serious health problem, the former is, in most cases, a compassionate ethical choice.

It makes my blood boil when people talk as if going vegetarian is the start of anorexia or what have you. You sound very misinformed.

Going vegetarian was one of the first "restrictions" in my ED (anorexia) because it was a socially acceptable one. I was 16. You also sound very misinformed about eating disorders. The ratio of girls who were Veg*n at my inpatient treatment facility was incredibly high. For that very reason, veg*nism was not allowed in the treatment center, no matter what.

+3 (the number of friends for whom this was true)

[Anonymous]

Did any of the ED masquerading as vegetarianism girls decide to become vegetarian in the 6-10 yo age range? My daughter chose vegetarianism at 7 and it was clearly an animal-driven ethical decision. Not saying a kid couldn't develop an ED that young but (a) masking behavior with something more socially acceptable does sound more like a 16 yo and (b) IMLE, it wasn't difficult to tell where DD was coming from at that age. 10 years later, she's still a vegetarian and probably will stay that way (doesn't remember what meat tastes like -- has no interest in (re-)trying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions and ideas.
We sat down with our nanny a few days ago.
She said she was overwhelmed with DD being picky with her food before becoming vegetarian. For example, DD would refuse multiple choices of food offered by the nanny while making school lunches. Dinner leftovers (involving meat), turkey sandwiches and occasional hotdogs were something that my DD would actually eat. It's a nut free school, so now DD's lunches would be more challenging with no meat and my DD being picky.
She said she was supportive of my DD becoming a vegetarian, but wanted her to take some responsibility for planning her meals - meaning DD should do some research about nutrition and come up with different choices to substitute the meat part of the meals. Not cook her own meals, although she would be expected to help on no homework days.

It's been a few days and things seem to be going well. We got veggie bacon and burgers in the freezer. Eggs, lentil soup, some indian food and a few other options.
It will probably take a few more days to adjust, but so far so good.

Thank you everyone

Well there you go. If your daughter is gonna be that picky, then she needs to figure out her own shit. Your nanny is NOT lazy.

Personally, I think your kids are spoiled. But then again, I think most Americans are spoiled. I didn't grow up here, but I think American kids are little terrors - dictating to their parents what they want and don't, how they want to live their lives, etc.

I grew up in a house with a nanny, a cook, and a housekeeper. As kids, we NEVER got to choose what we ate. The cook made dinner for everyone, and we could eat it or not. It NEVER occurred to us to ask for something else. The nanny watched us, made sure we got to school okay, went to bed on time, but certainly did not entertain us or even play with us. As kids, we would have been embarassed hanging out with the nanny.

The cook made meals. The housekeeper cleaned. There was no overlap of duties, and it would never occur to any of us to boss any of them around.

Lecturing aside - planning meals for a vegetarian, especially a kid, takes care. You really need to read up on and it and do your research, because it's trickier to get all the nutrients your kid needs, like getting all the amino acids she needs to grow and repair her muscles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And no, 10 years old is not too young to develop an eating disorder. Many parent say their child started restricting that young but they didn't realize what was happening until a couple years later -- WATCH OUT is all I am saying.

Please stop conflating being a vegetarian and having an eating disorder. The latter is a serious health problem, the former is, in most cases, a compassionate ethical choice.

It makes my blood boil when people talk as if going vegetarian is the start of anorexia or what have you. You sound very misinformed.

Going vegetarian was one of the first "restrictions" in my ED (anorexia) because it was a socially acceptable one. I was 16. You also sound very misinformed about eating disorders. The ratio of girls who were Veg*n at my inpatient treatment facility was incredibly high. For that very reason, veg*nism was not allowed in the treatment center, no matter what.

That sounds like a very bad centre, and one I would avoid.

For your information, a couple of years ago I had a very serious health problem (read: days away from death) which the doctors at the hospital tried to blame on me being a long time vegetarian translitioning to vegan, while it was actually a doctor screw-up, and I knew very well it was.

They were constantly on my neck to make me stop being a vegetarian, till the day I lost it and told them I would rather die than renege on my ethics. And I was not kidding. They found a way of sorting out the problem in a hurry after I told them that.

I'm sick and tired of lazy health professionals blaming health problems and eating disorders on the person's being a vegetarian or a vegan.