Anyone's parent remarry quickly after loss of spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all of you who think that adult children should have a say in their widowed parents romantic life's believe that parents should similarly be entitled to mettle in your adult relationships, marriage etc?

OP never, ever once claimed she should have a say. In fact no PPs have either. They said it can hurt. Don't pretend like moving on to marriage after death very quickly is the same as a previously single parent having another chapter in their "romantic life". Its not.

Perhaps "having a say" was a bad choice of words, but plenty of posters expressed judgment, anger, hurts etc. when their parent found a new partner or "replaced" the deceased parent. Those same individuals would most likely be upset if their parents expressed negative emotions about their marriage choices or romantic life. Your grieving and their desire to try and a grab some happiness are not and should not be entertained--assuming we are talking about adults and not children who have recently lost a parent. Too many people on this site complain about clingy parents, or bemoaning the lack of food dating partners. If someone can find happiness after grief, no one should judge them.

The ones who start dating/marrying within weeks or months are not about finding happiness. Those of us with dads who went on proposal sprees can attest to that. The women willing to jump into a grieving family like this before the gravestone is in place are not looking for for companionship or a solid relationship, particularly if they are not widows tuemselves. They are often manipulative users, selfish and destructive personalities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend's mom m committed suicide. Dad remarried 6 months later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The ones who start dating/marrying within weeks or months are not about finding happiness. Those of us with dads who went on proposal sprees can attest to that. The women willing to jump into a grieving family like this before the gravestone is in place are not looking for for companionship or a solid relationship, particularly if they are not widows tuemselves. They are often manipulative users, selfish and destructive personalities.

Sorry you had a bad experience, but you shouldn't generalize from it. DH had a cousin whose very good wife died; he soon remarried a woman who has been wonderful to him and to his elderly parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all of you who think that adult children should have a say in their widowed parents romantic life's believe that parents should similarly be entitled to mettle in your adult relationships, marriage etc?

OP never, ever once claimed she should have a say. In fact no PPs have either. They said it can hurt. Don't pretend like moving on to marriage after death very quickly is the same as a previously single parent having another chapter in their "romantic life". Its not.

Perhaps "having a say" was a bad choice of words, but plenty of posters expressed judgment, anger, hurts etc. when their parent found a new partner or "replaced" the deceased parent. Those same individuals would most likely be upset if their parents expressed negative emotions about their marriage choices or romantic life. Your grieving and their desire to try and a grab some happiness are not and should not be entertained--assuming we are talking about adults and not children who have recently lost a parent. Too many people on this site complain about clingy parents, or bemoaning the lack of food dating partners. If someone can find happiness after grief, no one should judge them.

PP here with the dad who dated after 1 week. Look, I don't judge. I also don't care, which is where your theory of the universe tends to fall apart. I am not interested in being a part of his shit show, and he and probably you and others with your happy Pollyanna view of the world, want to have me and other grieving children embraced the new person with open arms. Just plain not interested and boy is he PISSED that I won't play along.

If you think doing so is not an insult to the memory of the deceased, you obviously haven't lost a parent you loved. I get it, loyalty is dead, but imagine you dying and your precious children calling some new lady "mom" after a week--I mean, that is LITERALLY what was being asked of me and other people I know with similar situations. If you haven't been there, YOU should stop judging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all of you who think that adult children should have a say in their widowed parents romantic life's believe that parents should similarly be entitled to mettle in your adult relationships, marriage etc?

OP never, ever once claimed she should have a say. In fact no PPs have either. They said it can hurt. Don't pretend like moving on to marriage after death very quickly is the same as a previously single parent having another chapter in their "romantic life". Its not.

Perhaps "having a say" was a bad choice of words, but plenty of posters expressed judgment, anger, hurts etc. when their parent found a new partner or "replaced" the deceased parent. Those same individuals would most likely be upset if their parents expressed negative emotions about their marriage choices or romantic life. Your grieving and their desire to try and a grab some happiness are not and should not be entertained--assuming we are talking about adults and not children who have recently lost a parent. Too many people on this site complain about clingy parents, or bemoaning the lack of food dating partners. If someone can find happiness after grief, no one should judge them.

PP here with the dad who dated after 1 week. Look, I don't judge. I also don't care, which is where your theory of the universe tends to fall apart. I am not interested in being a part of his shit show, and he and probably you and others with your happy Pollyanna view of the world, want to have me and other grieving children embraced the new person with open arms. Just plain not interested and boy is he PISSED that I won't play along.

If you think doing so is not an insult to the memory of the deceased, you obviously haven't lost a parent you loved. I get it, loyalty is dead, but imagine you dying and your precious children calling some new lady "mom" after a week--I mean, that is LITERALLY what was being asked of me and other people I know with similar situations. If you haven't been there, YOU should stop judging.

In the course of my lifetime, I have list two parents that I loved--not one, two. I never begrudged my widowed mother her second chance at happiness. My grief and her chance to start again were two different things, and I never punished her for my mental state or hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all of you who think that adult children should have a say in their widowed parents romantic life's believe that parents should similarly be entitled to mettle in your adult relationships, marriage etc?

OP never, ever once claimed she should have a say. In fact no PPs have either. They said it can hurt. Don't pretend like moving on to marriage after death very quickly is the same as a previously single parent having another chapter in their "romantic life". Its not.

Perhaps "having a say" was a bad choice of words, but plenty of posters expressed judgment, anger, hurts etc. when their parent found a new partner or "replaced" the deceased parent. Those same individuals would most likely be upset if their parents expressed negative emotions about their marriage choices or romantic life. Your grieving and their desire to try and a grab some happiness are not and should not be entertained--assuming we are talking about adults and not children who have recently lost a parent. Too many people on this site complain about clingy parents, or bemoaning the lack of food dating partners. If someone can find happiness after grief, no one should judge them.

PP here with the dad who dated after 1 week. Look, I don't judge. I also don't care, which is where your theory of the universe tends to fall apart. I am not interested in being a part of his shit show, and he and probably you and others with your happy Pollyanna view of the world, want to have me and other grieving children embraced the new person with open arms. Just plain not interested and boy is he PISSED that I won't play along.

If you think doing so is not an insult to the memory of the deceased, you obviously haven't lost a parent you loved. I get it, loyalty is dead, but imagine you dying and your precious children calling some new lady "mom" after a week--I mean, that is LITERALLY what was being asked of me and other people I know with similar situations. If you haven't been there, YOU should stop judging.

In the course of my lifetime, I have list two parents that I loved--not one, two. I never begrudged my widowed mother her second chance at happiness. My grief and her chance to start again were two different things, and I never punished her for my mental state or hers.

Earlier pp here (not the one quoted). If I was asked to call someone "mom" soon after the death of my own mother, I would probably pass out from shock and rage. There's plenty of room for finding happiness after grief without deeply upsetting and offending other family members. A week after my mother's unexpected death I was still in shock. Even for folks where the loss wasn't unexpected, dating within a week seems questionable, at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all of you who think that adult children should have a say in their widowed parents romantic life's believe that parents should similarly be entitled to mettle in your adult relationships, marriage etc?

OP never, ever once claimed she should have a say. In fact no PPs have either. They said it can hurt. Don't pretend like moving on to marriage after death very quickly is the same as a previously single parent having another chapter in their "romantic life". Its not.

Perhaps "having a say" was a bad choice of words, but plenty of posters expressed judgment, anger, hurts etc. when their parent found a new partner or "replaced" the deceased parent. Those same individuals would most likely be upset if their parents expressed negative emotions about their marriage choices or romantic life. Your grieving and their desire to try and a grab some happiness are not and should not be entertained--assuming we are talking about adults and not children who have recently lost a parent. Too many people on this site complain about clingy parents, or bemoaning the lack of food dating partners. If someone can find happiness after grief, no one should judge them.

The ones who start dating/marrying within weeks or months are not about finding happiness. Those of us with dads who went on proposal sprees can attest to that. The women willing to jump into a grieving family like this before the gravestone is in place are not looking for for companionship or a solid relationship, particularly if they are not widows tuemselves. They are often manipulative users, selfish and destructive personalities.

I agree 100%. I also don't think that anyone who hasn't been in this situation will ever understand. It took me several years after my mom died/dad moved on to realize that I'd actually lost BOTH parents...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all of you who think that adult children should have a say in their widowed parents romantic life's believe that parents should similarly be entitled to mettle in your adult relationships, marriage etc?

OP never, ever once claimed she should have a say. In fact no PPs have either. They said it can hurt. Don't pretend like moving on to marriage after death very quickly is the same as a previously single parent having another chapter in their "romantic life". Its not.

Perhaps "having a say" was a bad choice of words, but plenty of posters expressed judgment, anger, hurts etc. when their parent found a new partner or "replaced" the deceased parent. Those same individuals would most likely be upset if their parents expressed negative emotions about their marriage choices or romantic life. Your grieving and their desire to try and a grab some happiness are not and should not be entertained--assuming we are talking about adults and not children who have recently lost a parent. Too many people on this site complain about clingy parents, or bemoaning the lack of food dating partners. If someone can find happiness after grief, no one should judge them.

The ones who start dating/marrying within weeks or months are not about finding happiness. Those of us with dads who went on proposal sprees can attest to that. The women willing to jump into a grieving family like this before the gravestone is in place are not looking for for companionship or a solid relationship, particularly if they are not widows tuemselves. They are often manipulative users, selfish and destructive personalities.

I agree 100%. I also don't think that anyone who hasn't been in this situation will ever understand. It took me several years after my mom died/dad moved on to realize that I'd actually lost BOTH parents...

Was you dad to live his life in limbo because you could not accept your mother's death? Perhaps your judgment pushed your father away. Widowed parents are entitled to start a new life. Those that don't have kids that complain they are too dependent. It is a lose/lose situation for the surviving spouse.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry to hear about this, OP. I would be very upset by this too.

I didn't read through all of the replies, but I have talked about this with friends who have been through similar situations with their parents. One of my friends lost his father to brain cancer when he was young, and his mother remarried very quickly. His mother started the relationship with her second husband before her first husband passed away. My friend is still not over it.

I've heard that when someone battles a long, often terminal illness, the surviving spouse has often been grieving the whole time. They act as caretaker for so long and carry the weight of the illness with them for months or years. When their spouse eventually dies, it comes as a relief, and they are ready to move on with their life much quicker than other loved ones who did not have to take on the role of daily caretaker. Maybe that is what happened here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The ones who start dating/marrying within weeks or months are not about finding happiness. Those of us with dads who went on proposal sprees can attest to that. The women willing to jump into a grieving family like this before the gravestone is in place are not looking for for companionship or a solid relationship, particularly if they are not widows tuemselves. They are often manipulative users, selfish and destructive personalities.

Sorry you had a bad experience, but you shouldn't generalize from it. DH had a cousin whose very good wife died; he soon remarried a woman who has been wonderful to him and to his elderly parents.

I would be very concerned to see such a quick marriage. I would worry that a manipulative opportunist had been circling the scene waiting for his/her chance to swoop on in. I understand the need for companionship because suddenly being alone like that must be awful. But patience is important. Allow some time for a broken heart to heal a bit.

[Anonymous]

As far as dating goes. You do whatever you have to do to stay sane. If dating helps you do that - DATE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The ones who start dating/marrying within weeks or months are not about finding happiness. Those of us with dads who went on proposal sprees can attest to that. The women willing to jump into a grieving family like this before the gravestone is in place are not looking for for companionship or a solid relationship, particularly if they are not widows tuemselves. They are often manipulative users, selfish and destructive personalities.

Sorry you had a bad experience, but you shouldn't generalize from it. DH had a cousin whose very good wife died; he soon remarried a woman who has been wonderful to him and to his elderly parents.

I would be very concerned to see such a quick marriage. I would worry that a manipulative opportunist had been circling the scene waiting for his/her chance to swoop on in. I understand the need for companionship because suddenly being alone like that must be awful. But patience is important. Allow some time for a broken heart to heal a bit.

Keep in mind that everyone heals at a different rate, and if there has been a prolonged illness much of the grieving has probably already taken place prior to the death of the spouse.

[Anonymous]

Do you allow the new spouse to get to know your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all of you who think that adult children should have a say in their widowed parents romantic life's believe that parents should similarly be entitled to mettle in your adult relationships, marriage etc?

OP never, ever once claimed she should have a say. In fact no PPs have either. They said it can hurt. Don't pretend like moving on to marriage after death very quickly is the same as a previously single parent having another chapter in their "romantic life". Its not.

Perhaps "having a say" was a bad choice of words, but plenty of posters expressed judgment, anger, hurts etc. when their parent found a new partner or "replaced" the deceased parent. Those same individuals would most likely be upset if their parents expressed negative emotions about their marriage choices or romantic life. Your grieving and their desire to try and a grab some happiness are not and should not be entertained--assuming we are talking about adults and not children who have recently lost a parent. Too many people on this site complain about clingy parents, or bemoaning the lack of food dating partners. If someone can find happiness after grief, no one should judge them.

If you have not been through this with your own parent then quit judging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all of you who think that adult children should have a say in their widowed parents romantic life's believe that parents should similarly be entitled to mettle in your adult relationships, marriage etc?

OP never, ever once claimed she should have a say. In fact no PPs have either. They said it can hurt. Don't pretend like moving on to marriage after death very quickly is the same as a previously single parent having another chapter in their "romantic life". Its not.

Perhaps "having a say" was a bad choice of words, but plenty of posters expressed judgment, anger, hurts etc. when their parent found a new partner or "replaced" the deceased parent. Those same individuals would most likely be upset if their parents expressed negative emotions about their marriage choices or romantic life. Your grieving and their desire to try and a grab some happiness are not and should not be entertained--assuming we are talking about adults and not children who have recently lost a parent. Too many people on this site complain about clingy parents, or bemoaning the lack of food dating partners. If someone can find happiness after grief, no one should judge them.

The ones who start dating/marrying within weeks or months are not about finding happiness. Those of us with dads who went on proposal sprees can attest to that. The women willing to jump into a grieving family like this before the gravestone is in place are not looking for for companionship or a solid relationship, particularly if they are not widows tuemselves. They are often manipulative users, selfish and destructive personalities.

VERY well said last PP. We are not talking about companionship here or people trying to heal.

Many of these women who do this are vile, manipulative users with no regard for the grieving widow or the family.