Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's hard for me to imagine what this "change" is that was so important but she was apparently able to do voluntarily. There are very few changes like that I can think of that are really attainable - maybe things like getting sober, getting treated for depression or anxiety? Otherwise it is really hard to picture what this amazing change she made is that turned her into the "ideal" of a SIL for you.
So, I kind of suspect that the change is superficial - so it really did not change anything, but you can't give up having her around as the black sheep. In some family systems it is the dynamic to always have a black sheep around to focus and triangulate, bringing the others closer together. If she is no longer serving that function, it might leave you to unsure of where you fit in.
I wonder if your distress is because you realize there was really never anything wrong with her, it was just a role you needed to force on her?
Bingo. That's very astute.
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