Narcissistic Mothers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think you and many other women who post on these type of threads often fail to realize that they too might actually be or had been overly sensitive and how incredibly emotionally draining it can be to deal with as a mother over the course of a childhood to young adulthood. This is not something I would have understood myself until now that I am in the thick of it.

PP, when I was a child, my mother would not have described me as sensitive. I did everything I could avoid letting her see how much she hurt me. She would have described me as fat, lazy, obstinate, willful, loud, inappropriate, ugly, unbecoming, unladylike, poor decision maker, poor chooser of friends, etc. She saw me as the one and only thing that was wrong with her otherwise picture perfect life. She never had an ounce of empathy for me because I didn't deserve it.

My child is somewhat sensitive. He will always have my unconditional love, support and empathy. Regarding the shoes, I would have said something along the lines of, "Oh, honey, I know you love those shoes, but the backyard is muddy and mud is not good for shoes."

Even when I say things like this in a super sweet, sing song voice, my DD this would still have a crestfallen look on her face and a very quiet little "oh" and then she would go change. BTDT. This is the reason I sought therapy for her because I just didn't think this was in the normal emotional range and the therapist confirmed it. (and actually we got a second and third opinion and all three said the same)


BTW my DD has the same problems with others not just me. It's just that I am much more patient and concerned then others. My DH and other family members lose their patience with her very quickly. She has a very difficult time making and keeping friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I think "Narcissist" (along with Borderline Personality Disorder) is an overused term used by many amateur psychologists to justify their dislike (an avoidance) of a particular individual...

I'm not familiar with the checklist that your referring to though. I would need a link.

I agree that this is WAY OVERUSED. Just because a person has some traits of a narcissist does not make them one.

Not sure the checklist on this one is 'the' one but it has one so sharing it...

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201409/10-signs-youre-in-relationship-narcissist

this is in that article and I love it...lol “That’s enough of me talking about myself; let’s hear you talk about me”

[Anonymous]

Question for those with narcissistic moms: How do you think the daughters of NMs, in turn, mother? What do you think is the impact on the grandchildren of NMs?

[Anonymous]

PPs, my thoughts are with you.

She sent me to school ill, wouldn'tbuy me proper snow boots, never checked or signed a report card (I did that myself).

She always made me feel diminished, like a dimming light. No attagirls or help with appearance which is essential to forming strong self-esteem in girls.

She was very busy trying to make me part of the furniture to the next man she would string along, bleed dry of cash then disappear to the next town.

[Anonymous]

I can't even bring myself to call her mother, mom, anything. She's always FirstName.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for those with narcissistic moms: How do you think the daughters of NMs, in turn, mother? What do you think is the impact on the grandchildren of NMs?

I can only speak for myself. Having a narcissistic mom made the pendulum swing in the other direction, for me. I'm loving, caring, patient, kind - to the point of having trouble setting boundaries and being a people pleaser. My daughter is still an infant so I hope to further develop these skills while she's still young. Sadly (or not, in my case) my daughter will have no relationship with my mother not witness the unhealthy dynamic between me and my mother. I hope that this teaches her that there is no reason at all for her to have a relationship with anyone who's abusive or doesn't respect her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't even bring myself to call her mother, mom, anything. She's always FirstName.

I avoid even using a name. I have little to no contact with her, but I tend to refer to her as "she" or "her."

For those who feel it's overused, I hope you never have to have such a toxic person in your lives.