Issue with church being a little too welcoming - in Diocese of Arlington

[Anonymous]

Just be honest with them instead of wishy washy. Instead of "it's not a good time" tell them "I'm not interested in hosting a home visit." Call the parish office and ask that they take you off the list for a visit. When they inquire why, be honest that you are happy to be part of the parish and will become involved as you settle in and learn about the area. Tell that that all the attention is too overwhelming and makes you uncomfortable. They need to hear this! I think it's important for them to know that not all people appreciate the in-your-face welcome.

[Anonymous]

I don't like wearing name tags or being expected to introduce myself. Going to church is a private devotional for me.

[Anonymous]

I'm a non-Catholic who sends my children to a Catholic school in DC. I have seen zero proselytizing. Not once have we been pressured to convert. Shared values have been enough to maintain our credibility! Your experience sounds very unorthodox and I would report it, but it sounds like this isn't outside the normal for Arlington!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is really odd and not at all normal for Catholics.

+1

My first thought was that OP was confused and had actually signed up to be a member of another denomination. Really so not like a Catholic church.

[Anonymous]

Arlington is special. I have friends who tried to register for the parish next door of St. Teresa's in Ashburn. The neighboring parish said no. My friends left the Catholic Church b/c they refused to attend St. Theresa's.

My understanding is it is a money thing. That they are trying to keep each parish in the black and a priest who is friends with a priest in a neighboring parish will not take his money.

Some parishes have very desirable schools and they will not let in out of boundary parishioners so they save the spots in their school for the people who live nearby (St. Mary's Alexandria)

For people who are OK with the POV of the parish - it is not an issue. For some of the more social justice leaning Catholics, Arlington is difficult to work with. It has enabled Holy Trinity in GT to keep a lot of $$ in their coffers as 1/3 of the parishioners come from Virginia.

[Anonymous]

This is an Arlington thing. Archdiocese of Washington allows a parishioner to join and attend any church within the diocese. And I have seen some Catholics try to convert the spouse of a member...but usually it is a little more subtle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like it sometimes isn't enforced anymore, but there very much are "rules" around which parish you are supposed to register at. Your priest has to give permission for you to go out of bounds.

https://encourageandteach.wordpress.com/2010/05/04/new-to-the-diocese-finding-your-parish/

"In the Diocese of Arlington, parishioners are required to register at the parish within whose boundaries they live. Your question goes beyond just an organizational policy. Rather, canon law says that priests are responsible for the spiritual well-being (ensuring the sacraments, etc.) of the people within his “domicile.”

Weird

[Anonymous]

I joined a church that I have not in the boundary for here in the Diocese of Arlington, I directly emailed the priest and told him that my husband and I had been attending the church for a few months but had not registered yet. I explained that my husband was not a Catholic but that we were going to raise our children in my faith and supported us by attending mass with us weekly. We had checked out the other parish that we were zoned for, and my husband found it off-putting. I requested that the priest allow us to join his parish and he did. So, if you find yourself more comfortable in another parish you could ask. But, being welcoming is better than being rude... I would first suggest sticking it out a few weeks, then try a new parish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I joined a church that I have not in the boundary for here in the Diocese of Arlington, I directly emailed the priest and told him that my husband and I had been attending the church for a few months but had not registered yet. I explained that my husband was not a Catholic but that we were going to raise our children in my faith and supported us by attending mass with us weekly. We had checked out the other parish that we were zoned for, and my husband found it off-putting. I requested that the priest allow us to join his parish and he did. So, if you find yourself more comfortable in another parish you could ask. But, being welcoming is better than being rude... I would first suggest sticking it out a few weeks, then try a new parish.

Your poor husband. Your faith does not trump his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I joined a church that I have not in the boundary for here in the Diocese of Arlington, I directly emailed the priest and told him that my husband and I had been attending the church for a few months but had not registered yet. I explained that my husband was not a Catholic but that we were going to raise our children in my faith and supported us by attending mass with us weekly. We had checked out the other parish that we were zoned for, and my husband found it off-putting. I requested that the priest allow us to join his parish and he did. So, if you find yourself more comfortable in another parish you could ask. But, being welcoming is better than being rude... I would first suggest sticking it out a few weeks, then try a new parish.

Your poor husband. Your faith does not trump his.

It sounds to me like that the couple had made an agreement to raise the kids catholic and that the husband would attend but not convert -- and that pp was totally upfront about the situation with the parish she wanted to join.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I joined a church that I have not in the boundary for here in the Diocese of Arlington, I directly emailed the priest and told him that my husband and I had been attending the church for a few months but had not registered yet. I explained that my husband was not a Catholic but that we were going to raise our children in my faith and supported us by attending mass with us weekly. We had checked out the other parish that we were zoned for, and my husband found it off-putting. I requested that the priest allow us to join his parish and he did. So, if you find yourself more comfortable in another parish you could ask. But, being welcoming is better than being rude... I would first suggest sticking it out a few weeks, then try a new parish.

Your poor husband. Your faith does not trump his.

It sounds to me like that the couple had made an agreement to raise the kids catholic and that the husband would attend but not convert -- and that pp was totally upfront about the situation with the parish she wanted to join.

No, more likely she pushed her husband around and harped on him and coerced him until he agreed to raise them Catholic.

[Anonymous]

I'm Catholic and my DH is Protestant. We have decided to raise DD Catholic. We are members at St. Charles in Arlington and live OOB and have never had any trouble, or any people coming to "convert" my DH. Our DD was Baptized there last spring and the ceremony felt very inviting and not formal at all, which is exactly what we were looking for. This whole thread is weird to me. OP, if I were you, I would probably try to switch churches. We are at St. Charles because we like the family feel, and DH says he feels welcome there. We tried several other churches in Arlington where we did not feel comfortable and finally landed at St. Charles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I joined a church that I have not in the boundary for here in the Diocese of Arlington, I directly emailed the priest and told him that my husband and I had been attending the church for a few months but had not registered yet. I explained that my husband was not a Catholic but that we were going to raise our children in my faith and supported us by attending mass with us weekly. We had checked out the other parish that we were zoned for, and my husband found it off-putting. I requested that the priest allow us to join his parish and he did. So, if you find yourself more comfortable in another parish you could ask. But, being welcoming is better than being rude... I would first suggest sticking it out a few weeks, then try a new parish.

Your poor husband. Your faith does not trump his.

It sounds to me like that the couple had made an agreement to raise the kids catholic and that the husband would attend but not convert -- and that pp was totally upfront about the situation with the parish she wanted to join.

No, more likely she pushed her husband around and harped on him and coerced him until he agreed to raise them Catholic.

FYI: Marriage sometimes includes negotiation and compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I joined a church that I have not in the boundary for here in the Diocese of Arlington, I directly emailed the priest and told him that my husband and I had been attending the church for a few months but had not registered yet. I explained that my husband was not a Catholic but that we were going to raise our children in my faith and supported us by attending mass with us weekly. We had checked out the other parish that we were zoned for, and my husband found it off-putting. I requested that the priest allow us to join his parish and he did. So, if you find yourself more comfortable in another parish you could ask. But, being welcoming is better than being rude... I would first suggest sticking it out a few weeks, then try a new parish.

Your poor husband. Your faith does not trump his.

It sounds to me like that the couple had made an agreement to raise the kids catholic and that the husband would attend but not convert -- and that pp was totally upfront about the situation with the parish she wanted to join.

No, more likely she pushed her husband around and harped on him and coerced him until he agreed to raise them Catholic.

FYI: Marriage sometimes includes negotiation and compromise.

God comes before your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I joined a church that I have not in the boundary for here in the Diocese of Arlington, I directly emailed the priest and told him that my husband and I had been attending the church for a few months but had not registered yet. I explained that my husband was not a Catholic but that we were going to raise our children in my faith and supported us by attending mass with us weekly. We had checked out the other parish that we were zoned for, and my husband found it off-putting. I requested that the priest allow us to join his parish and he did. So, if you find yourself more comfortable in another parish you could ask. But, being welcoming is better than being rude... I would first suggest sticking it out a few weeks, then try a new parish.

Your poor husband. Your faith does not trump his.

It sounds to me like that the couple had made an agreement to raise the kids catholic and that the husband would attend but not convert -- and that pp was totally upfront about the situation with the parish she wanted to join.

No, more likely she pushed her husband around and harped on him and coerced him until he agreed to raise them Catholic.

FYI: Marriage sometimes includes negotiation and compromise.

God comes before your spouse.

Wow, DH here. So glad DW is an atheist.