Working Mom Question - Adoption

[Anonymous]

I have two adopted kids. Neither were new borns, so that piece is different.
There is no way in the world I would have been able to go back to work after two weeks. Dh and I BOTH took the first two weeks off. I think it was very beneficial to all of us to be together as a family for a little bit of time at least.
If I were you, I'd at least stay home full time 4 or 6 weeks. You'll need that time to recover from a pretty major life change.

[Anonymous]

OP I didn't see if you were in DC or not. DC FMLA has 16 weeks. So if you work in the district (and presumably your employer is large enough to offer FMLA, about half of people work somewhere that isn't above the 50 employee federal threshold, I believe DC's is quite a bit lower) you might have that extra leave to take into account. And double-check your HR policies as well as your husband's, you may have some paid leave or adoption subsidy that you can factor in when deciding what you can afford.

Good luck to you, hope to be in the same boat soon!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working mom of two adopted children here. (intl adoption, China, one adopted at age 3, one adopted at age 2)

I think you will be fine. Just do the best you can. Yes, as the person above me posted, DO read a TON about attachment. Do all of the activities and things the books suggest when you are with them. Co-sleep if you can, to enhance the bonding.

My children went/go to daycare 8 weeks after we brought them home, and that has worked for us, but I understand that sounds crazy when I see it written down here in black and white, but it did work out. And I understand that yours will be younger (so I agree that family care at that point may be better than daycare center care) but just watch the bonding/attachment issues.

PP back. Go in with this plan, but keep it flexible. Monitor how things seem to be going attachment-wise. Be flexible and able to change if you change your mind later and think you should take the FMLA and be there exclusively with your new child.

I am actually most disturbed by the CAPS-SCREAMING "ATTACHMENT EXPERT" who seems to think staying home will fix all issues. I am an adoptive mom (who went back to a parttime job after seven weeks) and I thought all people educated in attachment understand that it is a complicated issue that is not resolved just because a parent stays home. I went back to work yet bonded well. Others stay at home and don't. There's just no telling. Either way, adoption is a lifelong process and we will all face bigger challenges than when to return to work.

I have read about attachment, and we will be bringing home a 3-day old newborn, so it will be very different from a child who has been in the foster situation without a consistent and stable caregiver.

Go back and read again. Then read some more. Than actually talk to adoptive parents whose kids are now older - like elementary and tween age. Also talk to an attachment therapist and not the social worker at your adoption agency.

Attachment issues in newborn adoptions can and do occur. The biggest issues parents face is they don't believe it could happen, do not follow the attachment advice and then end up in a situation 8, 10, 15 years down the road with a child who has serious issues and they just don't understand why.

Adopting a newborn ***DOES NOT ELIMINATE ATTACHMENT ISSUES ENTIRELY***.

Take 12 weeks off. If you can't, take 10 full weeks off.

Are you always this alarmist and condescending? SHOUTING AT ME IN ALL CAPS DOESN'T MAKE ME WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU.

And being defensive and dismissive makes me think you are going to have one of the kids with serious issues. I am an adoptive mom btw who is also a working mom.

Don't get mad because people are telling you you need to take time off from work to care for your newborn. It's not unkind or mean, it's honest feedback.

[Anonymous]

I did something similar OP. We adopted domestically and had very,little advance notice. We each(dh and me) took the first two weeks off, then my DH stayed home for ten weeks, and then I stayed home for another ten weeks. It worked for our baby and for us as a family. I've got to say I imissed our baby immensely and was mind numblingly sleep deprived. But it is doable and did stretch out the length of time that one of us was home with her.