What would you do if your 7 year old called you annoying?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the feedback. I googled back talk, and feel the best advice that fits my family's approach would have been with a response, "you can find a better way to say that." If he didn't want to wear his coat, he could have just said that.

I don't tell others they are annoying. My husband doesn't speak that way to me, either. So it's not the way I want my son to respond to something he doesn't like.

[Anonymous]

OP - I think your first response was quite correct to not accept back talk from a child be cause manners do count. We just had our two almost 6 year old twin granddaughters here for the holiday and unfortunately their parents have not quite got the hang of expecting the appropriate simple requests starting with a "Please....." and it is still the girls ruling the roost at times. We know well ahead of time what is going to be told to them in learning how to correct the behaviors. You have to correct them on the small things or it just becomes ingrained that it is OK to do or say whatever the circumstances. You can choose a response that matches the age and circumstance, but the principal of having expectations for young children is very important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would happen at my house?

1. "Go to your room, right now. You don't talk to adults that way." He could stay there for a half an hour or so.

2. No holiday display.

3. No TV or whatever the rest of the evening. DH and I will occupy the couch and watch an adult movie or catch up on our shows. 7 year old can amuse himself.

For #1 aren't you heading out the door?

I'm sure he be delighted about #2.

You watch porn around your kids?

Yes. Now we're not going anywhere. If you can't behave, we don't go.

As a kid, I hated being dragged to things like driving around to see Christmas lights. I imagine most kids feel the same way. If the result of telling my mother that she was annoying was that I got to spend all evening playing with my toys at home, while my parents watched TV and didn't bother me, I'd have told her she was annoying every day.

If that was going on and you were mine, you would end up sitting on the end of a couch, doing absolutely nothing.

At the same time, why do parents do stuff like that if their kids don't enjoy it? What's the point of a family outing if the family doesn't enjoy it?

[Anonymous]

OP again. I'm not sure why people seem to think I was dragging him to the winter light display. He LOVES it. It's me who'd rather stay home....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't mind it, but I'm trying to raise an independent thinker - not a future janitor or maid.

An independent thinker can still be courteous to everyone. I don't see how those relate.

Yup, calling your rude child an independent thinker is the same thing as parents of brats calling them spirited. If the kid doesn't want to to wear a coat I don't push it, but no way you can disrespect me like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I imposed consequences but husband thinks I shouldn't overreact to that type of "small stuff."


FWIW, I asked him to put on a coat before going out to see a winter lights display.

I would tell him to shut it and put his coat on. I don't think you need consequences. If he keeps arguing take him without the coat-- then when he complains about being cold tell him to stop being annoying.

[Anonymous]

omg, you all are sensitive. I don't see anything wrong with him expressing that. I think OP is right that one could suggest that her son can find a better way to say that. She could just say "You find it annoying to be reminded to put your coat on?" Or you could just say, "well, sometimes you annoy me too. That's part of being a family. But I'm your mom, and I'm responsible for you, and I'm asking you to put a coat on."
The only thing bad about what he said is that he said "you are annoying", rather than "I feel annoyed by that" or "I find that really annoying." You know, the trouble with have with raising boys is getting them to express their feelings in healthy ways. I'd say OP's son was doing pretty well for 7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol white parents allow their child to disrespect them. At 7, he is calling you annoying. At 13, he is calling you a bitch. Would allow him to call his grandmother annoying? His teacher? Then why you? Back hand that boy.

Hell, yeah. Teach that boy what "respect" means with some good corporal punishment. That way, he'll be good and ready to cap someone who looks at him wrong by the time he's 15.

Wow, this got ugly really fast. I am betting that those of you commenting here who are closet racists, have stellar kids who understand the history and nuances of inequality with race and income disparity in our country. Cuz yea, the only reason there are disgusting racial divides in our country and elsewhere are because of how parents teach them about "respect."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't mind it, but I'm trying to raise an independent thinker - not a future janitor or maid.

An independent thinker can still be courteous to everyone. I don't see how those relate.

Yup, calling your rude child an independent thinker is the same thing as parents of brats calling them spirited. If the kid doesn't want to to wear a coat I don't push it, but no way you can disrespect me like that.

The parent who doesn't push doesn't have to worry about being called annoying.

Kid who's never pushed to do anything he doesn't want is a hell of a lot worse off than the kid who's taught early on that it's okay to speak your mind. 'Youre annoying' to your parents at 7 -----> 'Mr. Boss, I think XYZ' by 27.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't mind it, but I'm trying to raise an independent thinker - not a future janitor or maid.

An independent thinker can still be courteous to everyone. I don't see how those relate.

Yup, calling your rude child an independent thinker is the same thing as parents of brats calling them spirited. If the kid doesn't want to to wear a coat I don't push it, but no way you can disrespect me like that.

The parent who doesn't push doesn't have to worry about being called annoying.

Kid who's never pushed to do anything he doesn't want is a hell of a lot worse off than the kid who's taught early on that it's okay to speak your mind. 'Youre annoying' to your parents at 7 -----> 'Mr. Boss, I think XYZ' by 27.

[Anonymous]

I would discipline too.

[Anonymous]

In our house, we'd keep it simple with something like, "That's rude. Please try again, more politely."

Usually that does the trick. Our almost 7 year old hears us and rephrases to something more appropriate. If the rephrase is as rude or worse, we call it out and impose a consequence. Usually taking away something small and imminent, or maybe dessert that night.

[Anonymous]

"I'm your mom, annoying is in the job description. What you said was rude an inappropriate. Try again properly."

If the second try was still snotty or he continued with disrespect there would be escalating consequences. Depending on family composition (i.e. does he have siblings who also want to go) and how DS feels about the holiday display, that would probably be one of the first things to go.

[Anonymous]

For the win -

"I know you are, but what am I."

Rinse and repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I imposed consequences but husband thinks I shouldn't overreact to that type of "small stuff."


FWIW, I asked him to put on a coat before going out to see a winter lights display.

I would tell him to shut it and put his coat on. I don't think you need consequences. If he keeps arguing take him without the coat-- then when he complains about being cold tell him to stop being annoying.

This is childish to me.