Thin Shaming

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I feel like I can't win. I lost about 20 pounds this summer taking me from a size 8 to a size 4. I feel great, my confidence is up and my Dh and I are having a lot more sex. However, I am finding that women were nicer to me when I was a size 8. It may be that I am in an area where there are A LOT of heavy people, but I feel like I am being treated different because I am thin. We went out to eat the other night with "friends" and they made fun of me for choosing the fish and veggies and for having only one beer, they just wouldn't let it go. I will say I am getting a lot more attention from guys, but I am already married and we're new to the area and I'm trying to make girl friends. I'm just angry that it has come to the point where I feel out of place and shamed for trying to be healthy.

Stop faking it, OP.

No one gives a rat's ass about how skinny you are. Furthermore, you realize that an 8 is a 10 in disguise. So your 4 isn't really a 4.

OP, I assume this is what you were talking about? PP has size 20 written all over her post.

no - I am 14:41.

BS. I'm 14:41. Stop lying.

can't prove anything on an anonymous forum
and don't really give a shit if you don't believe me

C'est la vie, dumbo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You weren't fat before. I have heavy friends, thin friends and have also recently lost 20 lbs. none of the issues you describe. Do you come off braggy or judgmental? You sound it.

size 8 is big

I am a size 8. I'm 5 feet 8 inches and 135 lbs. I don't think I'm big, but compared to a size 2, I imagine I'd be enormous.

You are tall so size 8 is fine for you. It try to imagine a 5"0/5"2 woman wearing size 8...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You weren't fat before. I have heavy friends, thin friends and have also recently lost 20 lbs. none of the issues you describe. Do you come off braggy or judgmental? You sound it.

size 8 is big

I am a size 8. I'm 5 feet 8 inches and 135 lbs. I don't think I'm big, but compared to a size 2, I imagine I'd be enormous.

How are you an 8? (and at what store?) I'm 5'8", 135 and I'm a 2 most places, 4 at a few -and a 0 at Loft, but their vanity sizing is out of control.

Seriously? I'm 5 feet 7.5 inches and 135 and I'm a 6 almost every I go. I don't get any of this! (Not that you're not all like me, but how are we all having such different experiences?)

Because different people carry weight differently.

The 5"8 size 2/4 poster is probably very fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You weren't fat before. I have heavy friends, thin friends and have also recently lost 20 lbs. none of the issues you describe. Do you come off braggy or judgmental? You sound it.

size 8 is big

????

Is you are taller then 5'8", no it isn't...

[Anonymous]

OP you sound really annoying.

[Anonymous]

It's not about your weight. You sound boring to me and I am thin. I wouldn't want to hike, eat fish and vegetables when out at a fun restaurant, or stick to one beer. You're just not my type of person and probably not theirs either. Not everything is about weight. You're a little odd, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait...you took a situation wherein you had dinner with people you had never met before, and because it was a little uncomfortable AND you are admittedly withdrawn... You chalked it up to the fact you are now 20 lbs lighter?

Exactly. OP, you're weird and obsessive.

[Anonymous]

I have a high school friend I connected with via facebook who lost like 30+ lbs over a year. She looks great now. She started posting several selfies a day, every day. I generally tried to be encouraging, even though, at some point, it does become a little bit much. Like narcissistic rather than inspiring. And she'd post stuff like "I post these to inspire people, you too can do this." Slightly more annoying, but whatever. But this quickly led into the "what's YOUR excuse" type posts, the kind of aggro motivation that you see a lot of these days. And lots of former fat shaming. Like she'd say stuff like UGH this was me a year ago, I was fat and watched TV all the time and just looked gross. And she was probably not really like, obese, probably some people reading thought, well gee, that's my size now.. She also started posting pictures of fat people kind of mocking them. It was really strange - like she was allowed to be really mean to "fatties" because she was a "former fatty." And it all just got to be too much - this assumption that her priorities were "right" but other people were lazy because they didn't want to spend 2 hours in the gym every morning, and so on. So she lost a ton of friends (I didn't unfriend her but I did hide her feed). But as people were bailing out on her friendship, she would post stuff like "haters are hating on me because they're jealous, but I'm not going to stop posting and helping people" etc. It was baffling, because anyone could see how it was not her newfound fitness that was turning people off, nor jealousy, but the constant obnoxious self-congratulating mixed with the fat bashing, etc.

The reason I share this story, OP, was that your OP seemed like you might go down this road. Talking about your fitness is one thing, but is it necessary to talka bout the sex w/ your husband, etc? It just seems like you overshare about the weight loss, and I wonder if you'd checked to see how you're talking about it - if you're crossing the line into boasting or fat shaming others, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP, the fact that you are calling this "thin shaming" when you are not really thin makes me think that you are too annoying for them. I can guarantee that you brought up your weight loss more than a few times during dinner.

Don't screw up your husband's work/social life by being annoying. You might want to talk to DH and get his honest opinion of the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not about your weight. You sound boring to me and I am thin. I wouldn't want to hike, eat fish and vegetables when out at a fun restaurant, or stick to one beer. You're just not my type of person and probably not theirs either. Not everything is about weight. You're a little odd, OP.

OP, ignore some of these people who have nothing better to do than to bash you. PP who posted the above comments is outright bizarre.

Based on what you have said you have done nothing wrong. I also tend to eat carefully and drink limited amounts of alcohol. I don't know if it is thin shaming or just people who have other issues. But someone who finds hiking to be an issue has problems. It is not that everyone needs to hike or indulge in outdoor activities but to fault someone who does so makes it more of an issue for them than you.

It sometimes bothers people when others have the discipline to eat right and not over-indulge. Nothing wrong with eating fish and depending on how it is cooked it can be delicious.

I also hike - love doing so and actually did the Everest base camp trek in Nepal. The experience of a life-time though, again, it is not everyone's cup of tea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You weren't fat before. I have heavy friends, thin friends and have also recently lost 20 lbs. none of the issues you describe. Do you come off braggy or judgmental? You sound it.

size 8 is big

I am a size 8. I'm 5 feet 8 inches and 135 lbs. I don't think I'm big, but compared to a size 2, I imagine I'd be enormous.

Just too add to the fun (or misery) at a bit under 5'9" and 155# I also am a size 8. It all depends on how and where you carry your weight.

[Anonymous]

Just make new friends OP. There are a lot of people in this world who can't stand change in other people - whether you've lost weight, gotten an education, traveled somewhere new, married into a richer class, stop drinking, stop smoking, started exercising, change religions, had kids, etc.

The older I get the more I realize that most people in this world are followers and when confronted with someone different they tend to react negatively.

[Anonymous]

Wait...you took a situation wherein you had dinner with people you had never met before, and because it was a little uncomfortable AND you are admittedly withdrawn... You chalked it up to the fact you are now 20 lbs lighter?

This. You then go the extra mile and assume you are being "thin shamed". You weren't shamed, OP. You had a bad dinner out with people you've never met and don't like. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wait...you took a situation wherein you had dinner with people you had never met before, and because it was a little uncomfortable AND you are admittedly withdrawn... You chalked it up to the fact you are now 20 lbs lighter?

This. You then go the extra mile and assume you are being "thin shamed". You weren't shamed, OP. You had a bad dinner out with people you've never met and don't like. End of story.

Indeed. Get over yourself, OP. No one else cares about your weight loss as much as you. Get out of your own fat head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would maybe try to see if you're being preachy or doing that whole "zealotry of the recent convert" thing where you act like you're the first person who ever discovered healthy eating or exercise and now you have to tell everyone else the error of their ways. Not saying you are necessarily doing that, just saying that would be one reason for the reaction you're getting.

Also, if your new eating habits mean that it takes you 10 minutes to order at a restaurant - that can be pretty annoying. I have friends like that and after they've asked about the calorie content of 6 different entrees and made 3 substitutions, I want to scream.

Third possibility is that nobody cares and you're being sensitive and upset because you wanted only positive feedback. when frankly, most people might not care. you weren't obese before, just a normal size going to a smaller normal size.

OP here and as I said my husband and I are very active so we were talking about our hobbies, but I don't think we were doing it in a negative way. We were going to go geocaching the next day on our hike so we were asking anyone if they wanted to join us. One couple laughed and asked us why we would want to spend the day hiking. As far as ordering food goes, I knew I wanted fish as soon as I saw it on the menu. I actually probably made my mind up the fastest. As I said in a pp, maybe I am being too sensitive. I'm just trying to make new friends and it's hard when they all already know each other and they seemed so quick to judge about the fish, the hiking, and only having one beer.

Geocaching sounds really fun. I'd love to have more female friends in the DC area who like doing things like that, especially since my husband isn't very outdoorsy.

If your friends are laughing about you going hiking - maybe you need new friends.