Toxic "friend" always judging

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confronted the toxic "friend". It went about as well as I expected, which is to say not at all well. She feels her perspective is the One True Way, and that she is justified in her critiques of my lifestyle and choices. She confirmed that her interests are the most important thing, and all other matters pale in comparison. She sees herself as superior and feels entitled to judge, which is a dealbreaker for me. As I feared, the other friend in the package deal is no longer a friend either. While that's sad, I have to wonder what kind of friend she was to allow Ms. Toxicity to run her mouth the way she did.

Note to self: you don't have to be a doormat to be nice. You're allowed to be yourself; you don't need approval.

I need to figure out why I put up with her sh*t for so long, so I don't do that again.

Thanks for all the suggestions. I will keep them for reference, in case I find myself allowing another judge into my life.

Maybe it's not as big of a deal as you have made it out to be. Maybe you are a bit insecure and interpret her comments and "judging" when someone more self confident wouldn't??

ps -- you ARE allowed to be yourself. And so is your former friend, which you apparently couldn't accept.

It is certainly possible that my self confidence levels (which can be fairly low at times) contributed to this situation, but I think I *did* accept her. As I wrote, I participated in activities centered around her interests, actively listened to her when she wanted to discuss them, tried to learn more about the things that were important to her, and made space in my life for her to enjoy her thing(s). I don't think accepting someone includes letting them bash you for not being identical. What I rejected were her judgments of me/my family/my lifestyle, not her interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confronted the toxic "friend". It went about as well as I expected, which is to say not at all well. She feels her perspective is the One True Way, and that she is justified in her critiques of my lifestyle and choices. She confirmed that her interests are the most important thing, and all other matters pale in comparison. She sees herself as superior and feels entitled to judge, which is a dealbreaker for me. As I feared, the other friend in the package deal is no longer a friend either. While that's sad, I have to wonder what kind of friend she was to allow Ms. Toxicity to run her mouth the way she did.

Note to self: you don't have to be a doormat to be nice. You're allowed to be yourself; you don't need approval.

I need to figure out why I put up with her sh*t for so long, so I don't do that again.

Thanks for all the suggestions. I will keep them for reference, in case I find myself allowing another judge into my life.

Maybe it's not as big of a deal as you have made it out to be. Maybe you are a bit insecure and interpret her comments and "judging" when someone more self confident wouldn't??

ps -- you ARE allowed to be yourself. And so is your former friend, which you apparently couldn't accept.

It is certainly possible that my self confidence levels (which can be fairly low at times) contributed to this situation, but I think I *did* accept her. As I wrote, I participated in activities centered around her interests, actively listened to her when she wanted to discuss them, tried to learn more about the things that were important to her, and made space in my life for her to enjoy her thing(s). I don't think accepting someone includes letting them bash you for not being identical. What I rejected were her judgments of me/my family/my lifestyle, not her interests.

I didn't mean accepting her interests, I meant accepting her for who she is. That she disapproves of your kids eating cookies (or whatever the real issue is). That would not rock my world if someone judged me for the food i give my kids. It really wouldn't. I would have no problem accepting someone like that -- or at least, it wouldn't bother me to the point that I would have to cut them out and get all upset. You expected her to keep quiet rather than share what she thought -- maybe she assumed you would hear what she had to say and that would be that, rather than assuming she was attacking your choices.

Anyway, I already posted the same thing a bunch of times on this thread.

[Anonymous]

I didn't mean accepting her interests, I meant accepting her for who she is. That she disapproves of your kids eating cookies (or whatever the real issue is). That would not rock my world if someone judged me for the food i give my kids. It really wouldn't. I would have no problem accepting someone like that -- or at least, it wouldn't bother me to the point that I would have to cut them out and get all upset. You expected her to keep quiet rather than share what she thought -- maybe she assumed you would hear what she had to say and that would be that, rather than assuming she was attacking your choices

But it wasn't a two way street! OP did accept frenemy for who she was, and participated in her world. Frenemy was unable to reciprocate, and could not accept OP's choices or lifestyle.

anyway, OP, I say good riddance. Life is too short! Barely enough time to see and make connections to people who enrich your life, why waste energy on those who don't?