Son Stole from Camp

[Anonymous]

OP- please make him take responsibility. It's very doubtful the police will be involved. It's possible that he will not be allowed back.
Kids need to see some "real world" consequences for their actions. This is a great way to make a point without serious long-term consequences to your son. If it's embarrassing enough, he will probably never steal again.
I know you're mortified, but kids do all kinds of things out of immaturity or impulsivity. It's not the end of the world- and your son will turn out amazing if he understands consequences and integrity.

[Anonymous]

If the camp won't let him attend in the future, it's a good lesson about consequences for him!

[Anonymous]

It should be prety easy to check with the camp to see if this is the case. Adopt a 'trust but verify" stance. Tell him: OK, you've provided me ith an explanation that makes sense, but I want to make sure the camp doesn't want these things back so I' going to call the director. OK with you?"

This gives him a chance to come clean if he's been lying to you.

If not, get him to tell you the name of the person who told them they could take stuff home. Then you check in with the camp and they verify that kids were told to take stuff home.

If they say it wasn't ok, have your son bring the stuff back. I think that it's very possible that one of the camp counselors said, yeah, take what you want ... if not, your child has learned a lesson about responsibility.

I honestly think taking stuff from the lost and found at the end of camp isn't the same as stealing from kids during camp --- it if wasn't sanctioned, it was probably more a case of bad judgment and impulsivity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone in charge said, "Help yourself to the lost and found" I would not think twice about it. I would help myself. That is not stealing. You people are nuts.

Isn't this the open question? This is the explanation that OP's DS gave her when she questioned him on how he acquired the stuff. So...seems to me that OP should confirm that this is the case. Do you agree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP. I'm proud of you. It is hard to be a good parent and teach your kid tough lessons, but he'll be better for it.

Thank you. Was quite upset that he had taken those things home.
@2108: my son was not quite a counsellor but he was like a group leader. So what he said was they got the kids to walk around the lost and found area and thereafter after most of the campers left they had to pack, clean and clear camp and that's when they were also told that they could help themselves with the lost and found. The camp was using "borrowed" premises so it is possible they had to clear everything out.

So the camp told him he could help himself, and you consider it stealing when he did? Why? That makes no sense.

Just remember, this is what her DS told her when she inquired. Unless I am reading wrong, the camp has not yet verified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone in charge said, "Help yourself to the lost and found" I would not think twice about it. I would help myself. That is not stealing. You people are nuts.

Isn't this the open question? This is the explanation that OP's DS gave her when she questioned him on how he acquired the stuff. So...seems to me that OP should confirm that this is the case. Do you agree?

If I didn't believe him -- and clearly I would and I admit I am a bit of a sucker that way -- then I would definitely confirm before I would punish my DS and "teach him a lesson" and call him a liar and a thief, for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP. I'm proud of you. It is hard to be a good parent and teach your kid tough lessons, but he'll be better for it.

Thank you. Was quite upset that he had taken those things home.
@2108: my son was not quite a counsellor but he was like a group leader. So what he said was they got the kids to walk around the lost and found area and thereafter after most of the campers left they had to pack, clean and clear camp and that's when they were also told that they could help themselves with the lost and found. The camp was using "borrowed" premises so it is possible they had to clear everything out.

So the camp told him he could help himself, and you consider it stealing when he did? Why? That makes no sense.

Just remember, this is what her DS told her when she inquired. Unless I am reading wrong, the camp has not yet verified.

Why would you assume he's lying? I don't get that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP. I'm proud of you. It is hard to be a good parent and teach your kid tough lessons, but he'll be better for it.

Thank you. Was quite upset that he had taken those things home.
@2108: my son was not quite a counsellor but he was like a group leader. So what he said was they got the kids to walk around the lost and found area and thereafter after most of the campers left they had to pack, clean and clear camp and that's when they were also told that they could help themselves with the lost and found. The camp was using "borrowed" premises so it is possible they had to clear everything out.

So the camp told him he could help himself, and you consider it stealing when he did? Why? That makes no sense.

Just remember, this is what her DS told her when she inquired. Unless I am reading wrong, the camp has not yet verified.

Why would you assume he's lying? I don't get that.

Some 11YO's lie when sense that they are about to get in trouble. Not saying that OP's son is lying - just saying that before I took any action (or no action) I would gather the facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone in charge said, "Help yourself to the lost and found" I would not think twice about it. I would help myself. That is not stealing. You people are nuts.

Isn't this the open question? This is the explanation that OP's DS gave her when she questioned him on how he acquired the stuff. So...seems to me that OP should confirm that this is the case. Do you agree?

If I didn't believe him -- and clearly I would and I admit I am a bit of a sucker that way -- then I would definitely confirm before I would punish my DS and "teach him a lesson" and call him a liar and a thief, for sure.

I hear you which is why I said I think that OP should confirm before taking any action.

Camp experiences differ. However in my experience with my own kids, folks may not realize that something is "lost" until they get home and unpack. The last day of camp there is usually a mad scramble to get packed up. So IME, it is reasonable for a kid to get home and realize (or his parents realize) that something is missing. Then, the following Monday the parent would call or email to try to locate the item. Admittedly, my kids attended a camp with its own facilities and the camp even told campers to contact them if they got home and realized something was lost.

[Anonymous]

Does your son lie a lot? It sounds like you inherently don't believe him. If it were me, I would reach out and confirm his story or have it disproved before I took any action at all. If he was told that he could take the items, and you are grounding him, then he is building up a lot of resentment against you. I can't believe you punished him before you even found out what the facts were.

[Anonymous]

I literally cannot imagine there is a camp that lets campers take home anything they want from the lost and found on the last day without even notifying parents that this is their policy or that lost items will not be returned after the last day of camp.

I personally wouldn't send my kid to a camp like that. Sounds horribly disorganized and very unfair to anyone who forgot something on the last day. And more than a little dishonest, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I literally cannot imagine there is a camp that lets campers take home anything they want from the lost and found on the last day without even notifying parents that this is their policy or that lost items will not be returned after the last day of camp.

I personally wouldn't send my kid to a camp like that. Sounds horribly disorganized and very unfair to anyone who forgot something on the last day. And more than a little dishonest, really.

I agree with this, but I can also imagine that a younger counselor might say to kids, take whatever you want, without the camp knowing about it. OP's son is eleven and probably not readily able to figure out when someone senior to him doesn't have authority to let him do something. If a counselor said it and a bunch of kids did it, he might very well think it was ok. Or he might feel uneasy about it and do it anyway.

If so, this is a lesson in being responsible and making judgments about what you should/shouldn't do and when to listen to older kids and when to decide for yourself.

It may also be that OP's son has problems with truthfulness in other areas and there might really be an issue here. But I think there's a reasonable explanation that's also possible.

Either way, it's easy for OP to find out, and I hope she updates us!

[Anonymous]

I'm confused. In the first post, OP was adamant that these items were stolen. Now she's saying they were offered. Which is it?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks all for the replies.

So to clarify…..
firstly, I only found out because he was sipping out a camelbak on Saturday morning after coming back from a morning bike trip. (and he was just using some other kid’s bottle without even totally washing out the thing! Eew. But that’s another story) Anyway, so I questioned where he got that camelbak from. He told me he found it. So I asked him where? And he said someone threw it away at camp. Who will throw out a camelbak?

Then he told me it was from the lost and found but they were free to help themselves on the last day. I started then disbelieving the story as it unfolded because he first said someone threw away and then said it was from the lost and found and then said he was allowed to help himself. So that led me to believe he likely took from the lost and found. I searched his room later and then asked him where he got the new backpack and then he revealed he ALSO got that from the lost and found.

I am unsure whether I will eventually get the right answer from camp but I wanted to send a message that it was wrong to steal. So grounding will serve as a message on how serious this is.

But my conclusion (after I have calmed down!) : He likely took from the lost and found but the question is whether it was an instruction for him to help himself or whether he chanced upon it as it was the last day of camp, or whether he stole it outright. If it was just the camelbak that he came home with, it is probable that he could have stolen it from another camper. But to come back with 4 backpacks and even with things that were not for boys, eg. A girly sigg bottle, some glitter colours in one of the pockets of the backpacks lead me to believe he has taken it from the lost and found and may have been a "mass grab". He also didn’t really need backpacks as we have tons and tons of these at home. (and some of them nice ones that he really liked) There was also nothing valuable like a DS or ipod etc.

He claims he was allowed to take the things so I have given him that benefit of a doubt after grounding him the weekend to go to another camp today. If when I hear back from the admin that it was not true, he will be in so deep trouble and will be grounded for the rest of the summer….. and all internet privileges removed from him. (which is devastating to a preteen)

And of course if he was to help himself….. why should he need to use these things belonging to others? Especially personal things like water bottles, sweaters, stationery etc? He has tons of stationery at home that is bursting out of our house and so many water bottles that are overflowing in our cupboards that I keep giving them away to good will! So I also can't understand why he would want to bring home yet another water bottle that has been drank and used by another kid. The Camelbak is possible being that's something he wants but the other things?

But to one of the posts on whether they were all “sweaty” dirty stuff? Nope, they were actually all nice things. Maybe needing a wash but they are all good stuff which I am sure other parents had paid good hard earned money for.


Anyway... lets see what the camp admin comes back with.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the follow-up, OP. I hope for your son's sake he's telling the truth, but the situation is pretty suspicious to me.

Good for you for reaching out to the camp and for being willing to ground him based on the reply. He might not like it if it happens, but he will definitely learn the consequences of his actions and of lying to his mother!