does anyone else find the social scene at Janney hard to take?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was like this when my DD attended, but some Charters are like this as well. We are a AA family, so maybe that's why.

This is the situation at many DCPS and charter schools, both EOTP and WOTP, for all demographics. There are usually a few "tight" families in an in-group or clique and the rest (the majority of parents, BTW) are out. This is the wrong way to fake building a school community.

[Anonymous]

I was not involved much in our elementary school. When I was at school teachers knew me as "Katherine's Mom". My daughter did not hear, "oh, you're Margaret Smith's daughter!"

For DD it's her turf, not mine. I should not be better known at her school than she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're either in or you're not. If you're not then your kid gets invited to significantly less birthday parties and play dates. Getting in requires that you schmooze with the right people relentlessly and have endless face time at the school (and the bar is set high---there are parents who seem to literally live at the school). People invest in others based on what they can (or can't) so for them socially. Honestly it feels like high school. I can't be imagining this. It was not like this at any other school setting my child has been apart of. Perhaps the fact that everyone lives within a few miles of each other and for many people Janney is their entire DC social life contributes to this?

I'm not a Janney parent, but it's hard to read this as anything other than sour grapes.

[Anonymous]

As a former SAHM I want to point out what a huge relief it can be to get your first kid into school and get to see a familiar group of adults each morning and afternoon! Lacking work colleagues (with whom many working parents socialize) these other parents can indeed provide a much needed social outlet. As for the "looking right through people" thing, some of us feel just barely able to stay on top of the established routines and relationships in our lives and just don't have bandwidth for anything or anyone else. It's not personal.

[Anonymous]

Vibram Five Fingers are not required for women to fit in at Janney. However, Dansko's are recommended. Bonus points for other apparel from Chico's.

[Anonymous]

It's gotten worse as Janney has gotten bigger. The cliques have circled the wagons even more... Feels very high school to me this year. There are even parents managing "lottery" clubs but then they get their friends kids in for sure. Yes it's old friends from older kids in some cases but in the first grade class it's just mean cliques.

[Anonymous]

I remember feeling some of this when my first kid started pre-K. But as my other kids have gone through the school I HAVE developed that close circle of old time friends. Really it's not personal, just shared history!

[Anonymous]

Both these opinions are true. A new family this year was deemed desirable by one group and pulled into everything -- parties, clubs, their kids got put on the "right" soccer teams, etc. There was no shared history. Lots of families were scratching their heads at that one. Like I tell my kids, if they don't want to be friends with you, you don't want to be friends with them. the school is big enough that there's something for everyone -- its just unfortunate that there is this element.

[Anonymous]

The problem isn't that these cliques exist, it's that in the younger grades I've found it really difficult to make real friendships because people are so caught up in trying to friend the "cool" families (and this takes time) that they don't invest in other families as a result. I know this sounds ludicrous for an adult woman to write but it really does happen time and time again at Janney. My kid will spend countless hours with another kid but then that family won't invite my kid to x, y, or z event but instead will invite the same 10 or so kids/families that are the popular ones. I don't think people go into the school with this mentality but after a few months/years they find themselves consciously or unconsciously joining in. Because if you're not scrambling to know the "right' people then you don't get invited to anything, your kid gets on the undesirable soccer/baseball teams, etc. There are a few families that buck this trend and there are others who don't socialize with the school at all but this is overwhelming way things work socially at Janney (at least in some grades).

Again, I know it sounds ludicrous and makes me sound pathetic but I'm not imagining this and I haven't experienced this before, even in DC. I certainly didn't find this to be the case at either of our previous NW DC preschools. I had ZERO difficulty making very good friends in either of those environments. Janney has been it's own weird world and I'm not sure why because on the surface it's an ideal community. I have another kid entering in a few years and I hope it's different in a few years. Hopefully as the school grows bigger the playing ground will be more neutral.

[Anonymous]

Our kids went to another elementary school, but we know a lot of Janney families (we don't live in the district). I understand what people are saying about how close friendships develop among ES parents and sometimes that can feel clique-y, but I also know that when I went to a party recently with many Janney moms I was really surprised by the mean girl vibe. I've never seen that at our kids' schools (they're past elementary now) and I never would have expected it from the Janney moms I know. It just seemed like when they were all together, they really cut loose with some very nasty gossip about others who were not present.

[Anonymous]

What's a "cool" family at Janney? The terms sounds ludicrous.

[Anonymous]

Oh, jesus. My kid is a rising kindergartener. Is this really how it works there? What does the PP mean that there are "lotteries" that get rigged? Lotteries for what? And what are the "undesirable" sports teams? It's such a big school that I was figuring there's a social circle of some kind or another for everybody there.

I don't need a mean girl high school scene at my age. This is making me feel a sense of dread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, jesus. My kid is a rising kindergartener. Is this really how it works there? What does the PP mean that there are "lotteries" that get rigged? Lotteries for what? And what are the "undesirable" sports teams? It's such a big school that I was figuring there's a social circle of some kind or another for everybody there.

I don't need a mean girl high school scene at my age. This is making me feel a sense of dread.

The lotteries are for the lunchtime clubs if they are oversubscribed and for a few of the very popular after school enrichments. I have never heard allegations the lotteries are rigged but apparently lots of parents have lots of time on their hands. The lunchtime clubs are run by volunteers (parents and teachers).

I have had children at Janney for 4 years and this is all news to me so I would not lose any sleep over it.

[Anonymous]

Another Janney parent here.
All of that is news to me too.
I always find Janney parents very welcoming and most important, my kids are thriving here and love the school.
Now, I'd love to know what an "undesirable sport team" is?
Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem isn't that these cliques exist, it's that in the younger grades I've found it really difficult to make real friendships because people are so caught up in trying to friend the "cool" families (and this takes time) that they don't invest in other families as a result. I know this sounds ludicrous for an adult woman to write but it really does happen time and time again at Janney. My kid will spend countless hours with another kid but then that family won't invite my kid to x, y, or z event but instead will invite the same 10 or so kids/families that are the popular ones. I don't think people go into the school with this mentality but after a few months/years they find themselves consciously or unconsciously joining in. Because if you're not scrambling to know the "right' people then you don't get invited to anything, your kid gets on the undesirable soccer/baseball teams, etc. There are a few families that buck this trend and there are others who don't socialize with the school at all but this is overwhelming way things work socially at Janney (at least in some grades).

Again, I know it sounds ludicrous and makes me sound pathetic but I'm not imagining this and I haven't experienced this before, even in DC. I certainly didn't find this to be the case at either of our previous NW DC preschools. I had ZERO difficulty making very good friends in either of those environments. Janney has been it's own weird world and I'm not sure why because on the surface it's an ideal community. I have another kid entering in a few years and I hope it's different in a few years. Hopefully as the school grows bigger the playing ground will be more neutral.

We go to a smaller neighboring school and this is fascinating to me. What makes a family become the "cool family?" Money? Status? Attractiveness?

I think it's natural for sub-groups of parents to form based around kid friendships, pick-up/drop-off schedules, etc. but I don't perceive any hierarchy among the groups at our school.