SIL hit niece

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slapping a baby is not nice but legally it is unlikely to meet a legal definition for abuse.

Cps can come over to the house but the family can choose to refuse them entry. And likely CPS wouldn't see anything wrong that would give them cause to pursue a warrant.

Slapping a baby is not the same as spanking an older child. Absolutely, it is abuse, and a life threatening form.

[Anonymous]

PLEASE do some direct action which does not involve CPS. They are not uniformly reliable. It's NOT a guarantee of a successful outcome.

You need heavy duty legal advise FAST. That baby needs to be away from the abusive mom like right this minute. Your husband had better make sure that baby is safe!!! I'm so sorry to read of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes...This is a tough call OP.

First, I would talk to your BIL again and plead w/him to take you up on your offer to let them stay w/you. You may even tell them that if he doesn't, you may be forced to consider other "options" in the best interest of your niece.

If you did, hopefully they would allow you or another family member to care for your niece vs. putting her in a foster home w/complete strangers.

Would you be willing to take on the full~time temporary care of an infant? If not, is there any other family member that you know of that would?

This is a very urgent situation...Time is of the essence.

Please act quickly. Like now.

Slapping a 9 month old infant is completely and utterly unacceptable.

Good Luck.

PP here. ^^^^^this person expressed herself far better than I was able to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL has bee suffering from ppd but refuses to go to therapy or take antidepressants. My BIL called DH today and confided that SIL has repeatedly slapped their 9 month old. BIL does not want to leave her and take the baby. We offered for them to stay with us but he loves her too much even though he saw her abusing the baby. She apologizes profusely after each episode We are worried about the baby and his safety. Would you call CPS if you were us?

That is NOT love. We do not allow those whom we love to harm defenseless infants. He doesn't "love her too much". He is a coward at the very least.

[Anonymous]

I've been worrying about this situation since I read your post last night. What is happening OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Slapping a baby is not nice but legally it is unlikely to meet a legal definition for abuse.

Cps can come over to the house but the family can choose to refuse them entry. And likely CPS wouldn't see anything wrong that would give them cause to pursue a warrant

anyone who slaps a 9 month old is on the edge. it only takes one episode of shaking a baby to cause lifelong brain injury or death. And, if you think its unlikely to meet a legal definition of abuse, think again.

http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/article/Beaumont-police-arrest-mom-after-video-shows-baby-5485059.php

As clearly stated in that article,the mother was arrested for violation of probation on a completely unrelated charge.

I think you would be surprised what doesn't legally meet the standard as abuse and how cps actually works. It's possible states could have a specific law on abuse of "infants". Generally it's just minor children though and slapping a child on occasion does not meet the legal requirement of abuse.

Calling cps in the situation described by OP is likely to have very little effect on the situation whereas the BIL taking direct action or the OP taking action would.
If god forbid something tragic happened and the BIL was found to have known and done nothing to intervene he could be charged too and other children in the home removed.

[Anonymous]

op here SIL agreed to counseling ( I don't believe for a second that she will go) BIL taking of for a couple of weeks to be home he said he will re-assess later. I have no physical evidence of abuse when she slaps there are no bruises or marks. What if I alert their ped so that he/she takes a closer look at the next appointment to see if there is physical evidence, I think Drs are required to notify authorities?

[Anonymous]

Alert ped. Mom needs to be screened for mental health. Is she primary caregiver?

[Anonymous]

She is the primary caregiver

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is the primary caregiver

She'd be better off in day care

[Anonymous]

There are families who make a conscious choice to use corporal punishment on very young kids, and may calmly slap their hand or pop their leg. It's not something I'd ever consider doing, but it's not abuse and CPS will not intervene.

But what the OP is describing, which is a parent losing it and doing something they didn't intend to do and instant regret is entirely different. It's abuse, and has the potential to grow out of control very very fast. I'm glad that OP's SIL gets help, and hope that the BIL takes it seriously and doesn't leave mom and baby alone. In addition, I'd encourage the OP to think in terms of providing whatever amount of support you'd be able to provide if the mom was unable to care for the baby alone due to physical rather than mental illness. By this I mean that if the mom was suddenly hit by a car and couldn't hold the baby due to broken arms, or was hospitalized due to breast cancer, or had a stroke with the risk of seizures and wasn't safe to care for the baby alone, the family would probably rally around and gather resources and look for solutions that still gave baby and mom access to each other, rather than thinking about taking the baby away. Hopefully people will realize here that this situation is just as much of a crisis, and just as much not the mom's fault as the situations I describe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here SIL agreed to counseling ( I don't believe for a second that she will go) BIL taking of for a couple of weeks to be home he said he will re-assess later. I have no physical evidence of abuse when she slaps there are no bruises or marks. What if I alert their ped so that he/she takes a closer look at the next appointment to see if there is physical evidence, I think Drs are required to notify authorities?

Glad you came back with an update, OP. Notifying the pediatrician sounds like a good idea and they can offer BIL information on social supports for himself and professional help for his wife. And good for the BIL stepping up and taking a few weeks off to look after the baby. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are families who make a conscious choice to use corporal punishment on very young kids, and may calmly slap their hand or pop their leg. It's not something I'd ever consider doing, but it's not abuse and CPS will not intervene.

But what the OP is describing, which is a parent losing it and doing something they didn't intend to do and instant regret is entirely different. It's abuse, and has the potential to grow out of control very very fast. I'm glad that OP's SIL gets help, and hope that the BIL takes it seriously and doesn't leave mom and baby alone. In addition, I'd encourage the OP to think in terms of providing whatever amount of support you'd be able to provide if the mom was unable to care for the baby alone due to physical rather than mental illness. By this I mean that if the mom was suddenly hit by a car and couldn't hold the baby due to broken arms, or was hospitalized due to breast cancer, or had a stroke with the risk of seizures and wasn't safe to care for the baby alone, the family would probably rally around and gather resources and look for solutions that still gave baby and mom access to each other, rather than thinking about taking the baby away. Hopefully people will realize here that this situation is just as much of a crisis, and just as much not the mom's fault as the situations I describe.

No what you described does not make it abuse. Regretting what she did does not make it abuse.

You were correct in the first sentence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Respectfully, this is between SIL and BIL; only your DH is even related to SIL, so let DH handle it. Step back.

You have to be joking. This is a defenseless 9 month old child. OP should absolutely call CPS. That baby does not deserve that.

[Anonymous]

This isn't even a legitimate question. You are required by law to report child abuse to the authorities. So go right ahead. And best of luck to you and your family.