Do you let your spouse take your DC's to visit IL's alone?

[Anonymous]

Hmm, I think posters would be a bit more empathetic if OP had posted, "Not sure how to handle this, DH is planning a solo trip with kids to MIL's house. He's a great dad, but has issues with his mom. When he gets around her he has trouble enforcing boundaries and staying focused on what's best for the kids. What do I do to make sure kids are safe, but I DON'T INFANTILIZE my DH?"

[Anonymous]

That's so true - never write 'let' and 'DH' in the same post or you will be eaten alive

That said I empathize with OP, my ILs live abroad and DH has never travelled alone with the kids there - I"m terrified at the thought so always make sure I can come along. We've never talked about it as a 'let him go alone' issue, I just make sure that when the kids are in the mix I drop everything else

[Anonymous]

In those circumstances, I wouldn't let him take the kids either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And yet you had more than one child with this man....

That's not quite fair. You often don't see these kind of failings until your children are older. Babies and toddlers are relatively easy to care for.
I'm guessing the SN kid has ADHD or ASD and you don't always know until the kids are older. The older kid has food allergies, easy enough, but add in an SN kid, and it's so much harder.

My DH has always worked long hours and kids were my responsibility. So he flakes with med times or completely forgets. I had to go away, and leave the kids in his care, and I made a to do list for him. Since I make these lists for myself all the time he wasn't upset or offended by my leaving the note.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is absurd. Your husband should be able to handle allergies and meds. There is you problem.

That was my thought. Step up, dude.

[Anonymous]

Never. My inlaws would be drunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH wants to take one kid to visit MIL for a weekend. I flat out said no. My reasons include:

1. MIL is extremely needy and my child will be left to sit on the couch in front of the TV while DH deals with MIL.
2. One child has a food allergy and DH is not careful about checking labels, eating out etc...
3. One child is SN and MIL calls him a brat to his face (and tried to smack him once).
4. DH simply cannot remember SN childs meds. SN child cannot focus and cannot function. DH then cannot deal with SN child and yells.
5. MIL's house is filthy (I mean like hoarders filthy).

There are more reasons, but these are some of the biggest. No way am I letting DH take a child with him alone. We can all go (and I really hate to go), but he cannot take a child by himself. He is angry at me right now, but it is what it is. I will not sacrifice my children's safety/well being b/c MIL wants DH to bring one to her for a weekend. FWIW, DC's are 6 and 9.

This is a vent b/c I have no one IRL to say any of this to other than DH who is unreasonably mad at me at the moment.

Doesn't sound like your DH is capable of taking care of your child. Perhaps you need to address this issue at home before he takes the child anywhere. What does he normally do when you aren't around? Tell him to grow up and take care of his children!

Seriously, If my DH put our child's life in danger because of #2 & #4, we'd be talking divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any problem with my husband taking our daughter to visit his mother. I don't have any of them same challenges that you do, but that being said, if I were you I still wouldn't say no. I would smile brightly and say yup what a super idea. I would send them off and either be pleasantly surprised when they all muddled through or, if it was a complete disaster, I wouldn't hesitate to remind my husband how awful it was and to not do it again.

OP here. And what do I do when my DD ends up in the ER because DH gave her food she is allergic to. IMO it's not worth possibly losing a child to try this experiment,

Then you tell him that if that happens, you will divorce him. I would also think he could be charged with neglect if he gave her food he KNOWS she is allergic to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is absurd. Your husband should be able to handle allergies and meds. There is you problem.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, i hear what you're saying and I empathize with you.
I would let him go but keep him on a string.

Write a list of what he has to do and when. And then, text him to remind him. It sounds harsh, but it sounds like he needs it and then you could get a break. Those w/o SN kids seem to not understand what you're going through. I know from my sister with a Down's child how much extra time and energy has to go into SN.

WTF? Is she his wife or his mommy? Geez!

OP, if you need to remind him about the allergies and meds, then the problem is with your HUSBAND. If he asks you for a list or directions for the meds, then give it to him ONCE. If he loses it, it is HIS problem. My DH would never put our kids at risk. If he did, I would divorce him in a heartbeat.

WHY did you marry this man child? So you could be his mommy? WTF?
And WHY did you have 2 children with this man child?!?