Do you let your spouse take your DC's to visit IL's alone?

[Anonymous]

DH wants to take one kid to visit MIL for a weekend. I flat out said no. My reasons include:

1. MIL is extremely needy and my child will be left to sit on the couch in front of the TV while DH deals with MIL.
2. One child has a food allergy and DH is not careful about checking labels, eating out etc...
3. One child is SN and MIL calls him a brat to his face (and tried to smack him once).
4. DH simply cannot remember SN childs meds. SN child cannot focus and cannot function. DH then cannot deal with SN child and yells.
5. MIL's house is filthy (I mean like hoarders filthy).

There are more reasons, but these are some of the biggest. No way am I letting DH take a child with him alone. We can all go (and I really hate to go), but he cannot take a child by himself. He is angry at me right now, but it is what it is. I will not sacrifice my children's safety/well being b/c MIL wants DH to bring one to her for a weekend. FWIW, DC's are 6 and 9.

This is a vent b/c I have no one IRL to say any of this to other than DH who is unreasonably mad at me at the moment.

[Anonymous]

OP do you realize if you divorced he'd get at least some custody and would be free to take one or both if your kids. It's hard to imagine he's so incompetent that he can't manage a weekend with one kid.

[Anonymous]

Do you let your husband watch the kids on his own at all?

[Anonymous]

Honestly if my DH asked to take the kids to his mothers house for the weekend I would cry in happiness. Then I would get my haircut, pick up sushi, watch Bravo, and sleep in!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you let your husband watch the kids on his own at all?

Yes, and he can do it because I've done meds and the food at home is safe. When he is with his mother he "forgets" and listens to whatever his mother says (he comes home saying DS is a brat and not SN etc...), he yells at DD around his mother (he basically becomes a totally different person around his mother).

[Anonymous]

I don't have any problem with my husband taking our daughter to visit his mother. I don't have any of them same challenges that you do, but that being said, if I were you I still wouldn't say no. I would smile brightly and say yup what a super idea. I would send them off and either be pleasantly surprised when they all muddled through or, if it was a complete disaster, I wouldn't hesitate to remind my husband how awful it was and to not do it again.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand how you married and stay married to a man that you don't trust at all.

Cut the apron strings. I bet your DH is way more able than you give him credit for. How will he ever learn if you hover non stop like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you let your husband watch the kids on his own at all?

Yes, I do. However, DH forgets constantly about things (I do not have to wonder where my DS gets his SN from). DH is great with the kids except around his mother. Something happens to him and he lets her tell him what to do and lets her curse in front of them and call them brats. He lets DD eat food she is allergic to (do not even get me started about that). DH simply does not do details (actually he sucks at anything detail oriented that does not have to do with his job). You would think I would be happy to have weekend alone, but honestly it scares me because I know my kids not in a safe environment when at MIL's house.

[Anonymous]

"Let" ?

This is the child's father. I'm not taking your word for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do you realize if you divorced he'd get at least some custody and would be free to take one or both if your kids. It's hard to imagine he's so incompetent that he can't manage a weekend with one kid.

OP here. It's so not hard for me to imagine him not being able to handle a weekend alone with the kids. I live this life. It sucks. I wish I could trust DH when he is around MIL but I cannot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any problem with my husband taking our daughter to visit his mother. I don't have any of them same challenges that you do, but that being said, if I were you I still wouldn't say no. I would smile brightly and say yup what a super idea. I would send them off and either be pleasantly surprised when they all muddled through or, if it was a complete disaster, I wouldn't hesitate to remind my husband how awful it was and to not do it again.

OP here. And what do I do when my DD ends up in the ER because DH gave her food she is allergic to. IMO it's not worth possibly losing a child to try this experiment,

[Anonymous]

OP here. OK I'm done. thank you for your opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. OK I'm done. thank you for your opinions.

Didn't hear what you wanted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you let your husband watch the kids on his own at all?

Yes, and he can do it because I've done meds and the food at home is safe. When he is with his mother he "forgets" and listens to whatever his mother says (he comes home saying DS is a brat and not SN etc...), he yells at DD around his mother (he basically becomes a totally different person around his mother).

I would not let both of them go. If the one without SN wants to go, I would send that child only.

If your husband is the type that reverts to childhood when he is around his mom, and lets his mom influence him to the point of complaining that the DD is a brat instead of having limitations, no way would I let her go. Besides, lots of times the kids don't want to go visit that "type" of relative anyway because they know the deal.

[Anonymous]

If your DH is such a safety risk to your children that he isn't safe to be alone with them (he will feed them food that will kill them) then you have a much bigger problem.

Otherwise, if you have stayed with him I assume you don't think they will be dead if left alone with him and in that case they should go. He will never ever become any more responsible if you micromanage every detail of his life and their lives.

At 6 and 9 your kids are old enough to stand up for themselves (and not eat food they are allergic to).

This is either a situation that is extremely dangerous and scary and you should not be living with him if you actually fear for the child's lives or this is a case of a controlling (you 'let him' do things) and micromanaging mother who thinks she runs the show.