Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?

[Anonymous]

I agree that if you can't afford even a housecleaner for a husband who is a "high-level exec" that is ridiculous. Your husband is either a total pushover who is massively underpaid, he's not actually an executive or he is lying to you about how much money is actually coming in.

Since no one has addressed the last point, how do you know that there is no money even for a housecleaner (a couple hundred a month)? Ask yourself this question.

[Anonymous]

My DH travels a lot. But when he is home, he is home. He does everything from shuttle the kids around, laundry, cleans floors, dog duty, grocery shop. Whatever needs to be done. I think we both feel we are just "on" 24/7 no matter what. We can both be lazy too sometimes and just let the house go until we can't stand it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When he is home, he jumps right in and helps with whatever needs doing. We have landscapers twice a year and get the house deep-cleaned twice a year. Other than that it's all us. He will walk in from a four day trip and promptly throw a loaf of laundry in before changing out of his suit with one or two of the kids chattering to him about what he's missed. He does his decompressing on the way home.

He is a good man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH travels a lot. But when he is home, he is home. He does everything from shuttle the kids around, laundry, cleans floors, dog duty, grocery shop. Whatever needs to be done. I think we both feel we are just "on" 24/7 no matter what. We can both be lazy too sometimes and just let the house go until we can't stand it anymore.

Yours too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My executive husband could afford the cleaner, and babysitters. Later, when he made more money, he could afford to treat his "girlfriends" to new cars. Recently he was able to afford a divorce. Not sure that he can afford much now as he has pissed most of it all away.

Sorry PP, hope you are doing OK now. Your post helps put things in perspective the grass is always greener.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar position. How old are your kids? My youngest is now 8 and life is good.

To answer your question, my workaholic, high earning DH does very little around the house. He is good about plugging into family activities and sports driving on the weekends. When I have a bad evening (I need to be two places at once), he will arrange to work from home so he can get everyone where they need to be in the after school/evening hours. He cleans our two cars and does some yard work on the weekends and occasionally folds laundry and does dishes (but only if I prompt on the last two).

I definitely remember being resentful when my kids were younger. Now, with them both in school, I just try to make sure I can rejuvenate during the week because the weekends are actually more work for me) I have really had to shift my thinking to realize that my "me time" is while the kids are in school and the weekends I spend supporting the rest of the team. A lot of this is about expectations. If you are able to get enough "you time" when your DH is not home, you don't resent unloading the dishwasher while he reads the newspaper on the weekend.

I am sure I am going to get flamed for being a "traditional wife" but I will say this. I've been married almost 20 years. My DH is not going to change and suddenly work less and do more dishes. He and I have to work together to make sure we both live a satisfying life. For me, that doesn't mean fighting with him to become a great multi-tasker when he just doesn't seem to have it in him. I love him and our family works well. There are many types of partnerships. You just have to find the one that works for u.

I could have written this, right down to the married almost 20 years. Part of the reason I am at home is to make sure everyone gets some downtown. My husband, me, and our children who work really hard in school, especially our high schooler. I also resented the work hours when my kids were smaller and especially when I was working full time as well. If you are going this route (high income but hard working spouse) I think that the most important thing is that the spouse who is working connect with the kids (and with you). The rest of it can be hired out if necessary.

So glad to hear this. My DH is the high earner, though I do work PT. Kids in school/daycare. I've just recently come the the realization that part of my job now is to get that downtime during the week. Otherwise, I am terribly resentful. I keep working for the stimulation and because I like my job, but it's only 20 hours a week (my decision).

PP is absolutely right - the most important thing is that the spouse who is working connects with the kids and you. We are really struggling with this, but also recently identified this as our big problem and DH is making an effort to do better. It's been a huge factor in my resentment and frustration, and yes, anger over the last few years. Slowly, getting better though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it sounds like your husband's job isn't worth it. He works too much to be around at all, but doesn't make enough to make your family life reasonably sane. It will get better when the kids are in school, but I don't think I'd have much left in me by then.

House cleaners are around $100 a visit. Find the money.

Kids are in school and OP doesn't have a job.....why should her husband pay for help?

Tired of constantly reading the sob stories from lazy women that stay at home while husband works and kids are in school.