Tell me what your high level Executive husband helps you with at home?

[Anonymous]

My husband works late, six to seven days. Travels. He is too tired for anything, does well but not enough to hire a 4 day plus regular sitter or weekly cleaner. We have three kids, yes, I am a stay at home mom but it is still overwhelming. I take care of the home dynamics and all planning. Love him dearly, don't try to trouble him with things but he is too tired to even hear about our day. Just venting here and wondering if there are any tips for Executive husbands to stay in touch with the family and ease my mind because I still aggravated that he can't help more often. Not mad, not understanding but aggravated none the less. Sad for the kiddos too.

[Anonymous]

I think she doesn't have full time help. "Not enough".

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised that you have a high level executive husband and don't have enough for a house cleaner. We "could" afford one but don't because we worry about finances, but we aren't looking at high level execs. What does he pull in? How many hours a week does he work?

Can you hire a mothers helper for the early evenings? Not as expensive as a baby sitter, but you can get the cooking done and the kitchen clean without waiting till the kids are in bed

[Anonymous]

I have no idea. I have the opposite problem. My husband is a great help around the house and with our kids but makes almost no money. Wanna trade places?

[Anonymous]

I am in a similar position. How old are your kids? My youngest is now 8 and life is good.

To answer your question, my workaholic, high earning DH does very little around the house. He is good about plugging into family activities and sports driving on the weekends. When I have a bad evening (I need to be two places at once), he will arrange to work from home so he can get everyone where they need to be in the after school/evening hours. He cleans our two cars and does some yard work on the weekends and occasionally folds laundry and does dishes (but only if I prompt on the last two).

I definitely remember being resentful when my kids were younger. Now, with them both in school, I just try to make sure I can rejuvenate during the week because the weekends are actually more work for me) I have really had to shift my thinking to realize that my "me time" is while the kids are in school and the weekends I spend supporting the rest of the team. A lot of this is about expectations. If you are able to get enough "you time" when your DH is not home, you don't resent unloading the dishwasher while he reads the newspaper on the weekend.

I am sure I am going to get flamed for being a "traditional wife" but I will say this. I've been married almost 20 years. My DH is not going to change and suddenly work less and do more dishes. He and I have to work together to make sure we both live a satisfying life. For me, that doesn't mean fighting with him to become a great multi-tasker when he just doesn't seem to have it in him. I love him and our family works well. There are many types of partnerships. You just have to find the one that works for u.

[Anonymous]

My executive husband could afford the cleaner, and babysitters. Later, when he made more money, he could afford to treat his "girlfriends" to new cars. Recently he was able to afford a divorce. Not sure that he can afford much now as he has pissed most of it all away.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids OP? Also a mom of three and DH works similar hours. Youngest is three and I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel now that DS is in preschool.

I would encourage you to look at your budget again and see if you can't make room for some PT help. We have a housekeeper two mornings a week (10 hours) and an amazing mother's helper (12-15 hours) and its life-changing. We reduced our travel budget to make room for these expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids OP? Also a mom of three and DH works similar hours. Youngest is three and I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel now that DS is in preschool.

I would encourage you to look at your budget again and see if you can't make room for some PT help. We have a housekeeper two mornings a week (10 hours) and an amazing mother's helper (12-15 hours) and its life-changing. We reduced our travel budget to make room for these expenses.

Hey, actual sound advice from somebody in OP's situation — what are you doing on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar position. How old are your kids? My youngest is now 8 and life is good.

To answer your question, my workaholic, high earning DH does very little around the house. He is good about plugging into family activities and sports driving on the weekends. When I have a bad evening (I need to be two places at once), he will arrange to work from home so he can get everyone where they need to be in the after school/evening hours. He cleans our two cars and does some yard work on the weekends and occasionally folds laundry and does dishes (but only if I prompt on the last two).

I definitely remember being resentful when my kids were younger. Now, with them both in school, I just try to make sure I can rejuvenate during the week because the weekends are actually more work for me) I have really had to shift my thinking to realize that my "me time" is while the kids are in school and the weekends I spend supporting the rest of the team. A lot of this is about expectations. If you are able to get enough "you time" when your DH is not home, you don't resent unloading the dishwasher while he reads the newspaper on the weekend.

I am sure I am going to get flamed for being a "traditional wife" but I will say this. I've been married almost 20 years. My DH is not going to change and suddenly work less and do more dishes. He and I have to work together to make sure we both live a satisfying life. For me, that doesn't mean fighting with him to become a great multi-tasker when he just doesn't seem to have it in him. I love him and our family works well. There are many types of partnerships. You just have to find the one that works for u.

I could have written this, right down to the married almost 20 years. Part of the reason I am at home is to make sure everyone gets some downtown. My husband, me, and our children who work really hard in school, especially our high schooler. I also resented the work hours when my kids were smaller and especially when I was working full time as well. If you are going this route (high income but hard working spouse) I think that the most important thing is that the spouse who is working connect with the kids (and with you). The rest of it can be hired out if necessary.

[Anonymous]

When he is home, he jumps right in and helps with whatever needs doing. We have landscapers twice a year and get the house deep-cleaned twice a year. Other than that it's all us. He will walk in from a four day trip and promptly throw a loaf of laundry in before changing out of his suit with one or two of the kids chattering to him about what he's missed. He does his decompressing on the way home.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, it sounds like your husband's job isn't worth it. He works too much to be around at all, but doesn't make enough to make your family life reasonably sane. It will get better when the kids are in school, but I don't think I'd have much left in me by then.

House cleaners are around $100 a visit. Find the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar position. How old are your kids? My youngest is now 8 and life is good.

To answer your question, my workaholic, high earning DH does very little around the house. He is good about plugging into family activities and sports driving on the weekends. When I have a bad evening (I need to be two places at once), he will arrange to work from home so he can get everyone where they need to be in the after school/evening hours. He cleans our two cars and does some yard work on the weekends and occasionally folds laundry and does dishes (but only if I prompt on the last two).

I definitely remember being resentful when my kids were younger. Now, with them both in school, I just try to make sure I can rejuvenate during the week because the weekends are actually more work for me) I have really had to shift my thinking to realize that my "me time" is while the kids are in school and the weekends I spend supporting the rest of the team. A lot of this is about expectations. If you are able to get enough "you time" when your DH is not home, you don't resent unloading the dishwasher while he reads the newspaper on the weekend.

I am sure I am going to get flamed for being a "traditional wife" but I will say this. I've been married almost 20 years. My DH is not going to change and suddenly work less and do more dishes. He and I have to work together to make sure we both live a satisfying life. For me, that doesn't mean fighting with him to become a great multi-tasker when he just doesn't seem to have it in him. I love him and our family works well. There are many types of partnerships. You just have to find the one that works for u.

I could have written that too. It does get better.

[Anonymous]

He helps with whatever I need. I WOH as a partner in a small firm. He handles the full morning routine and has for years. I don't even come downstairs. He does all the dishes, puts away laundry, takes out trash, and fixes stuff that he can. We have a weekly cleaner and a yard service. I would like to hire a more housekeeper/manager, but I am not sure I want more to manage. He won't ever see something that needs doing and do it, but he will do anything I ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar position. How old are your kids? My youngest is now 8 and life is good.

To answer your question, my workaholic, high earning DH does very little around the house. He is good about plugging into family activities and sports driving on the weekends. When I have a bad evening (I need to be two places at once), he will arrange to work from home so he can get everyone where they need to be in the after school/evening hours. He cleans our two cars and does some yard work on the weekends and occasionally folds laundry and does dishes (but only if I prompt on the last two).

I definitely remember being resentful when my kids were younger. Now, with them both in school, I just try to make sure I can rejuvenate during the week because the weekends are actually more work for me) I have really had to shift my thinking to realize that my "me time" is while the kids are in school and the weekends I spend supporting the rest of the team. A lot of this is about expectations. If you are able to get enough "you time" when your DH is not home, you don't resent unloading the dishwasher while he reads the newspaper on the weekend.

I am sure I am going to get flamed for being a "traditional wife" but I will say this. I've been married almost 20 years. My DH is not going to change and suddenly work less and do more dishes. He and I have to work together to make sure we both live a satisfying life. For me, that doesn't mean fighting with him to become a great multi-tasker when he just doesn't seem to have it in him. I love him and our family works well. There are many types of partnerships. You just have to find the one that works for u.

I could have written that too. It does get better.

Looks like this is not so unusual around here. Me 4.

[Anonymous]

Op your husband is either in the wrong job or he has something wrong with him. Being too tired to be emotionally present is not ok. Demand something change. You can out source a lot but not a husband and father. This isn't about a chore list.