Need reality check: how helpless is someone with a broken ankle?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the problem is a lot more than a broken ankle, OP. Maybe some counseling would help you two to rekindle your marriage. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally baby him about this. And when you are next out of commission, expect the same!

The thing is, I am pretty sure he will only remember how I wasn't ideal about babying him, and will justify his own unwillingness to help me should I need help.

Well the guy needs help right now. So if you're not willing or don't want to shoulder the whole thing yourself, it's time to call on his buddies and family members (or tell him to do it). See if they'll be willing to lend a hand, keep him company, drive him to appts - while you get a break.

[Anonymous]

I didn't break my ankle but had foot surgery 3 weeks ago where they shaved bone off, then cut the bone in half and reattached it with screws. I would say the 2 days after surgery were the absolute worst in terms of pain and swelling. Any way I held my foot or been propping it up caused a lot of pain and pressure and it was very hard to get comfortable, esp in bed. I was on crutches and they were very hard to maneuver with. I had my parents come up and stay with me because I have kids 5 and under and was basically immobilized for a good while. It's also my right foot so they had to do all the driving. If I didn't have my parents, my husband would've had to do almost 100% of everything.

But as others have pointed out, sounds like there are more issues than just a broken ankle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously you have never broken a bone. It is very painful. It needs to be elevated to reduce swelling and iced. If he is on crutches and a cast how is he supposed to stand to cook or even get around. You need your hands to use crutches so how can he cook?

From your tone you obviously have issues with your husband that started well before this injury.

+ 10000

I broke my foot 9 years ago and had to be on crutches. Before I knew it was broken, I was limping around in the house and rolling around on a skateboard. My husband was so mean to me, telling me "Ive nver seen anyone act so pathetic". I never asked for help but once I had crutches I literally had to plan every moment. You cant even make a cup of tea without a whole lot of planning. Its like having to rethink everything because you cant move unless you use both arms. So you cant carry a dish to the table.

My husband is verbally and emotionally abusive, a history of being unable to manage anger and addiction issues. His treatment of me at that time was the worst. I take care of all the finances and all the business administration Yet he felt so sorry for HIMself that he used my time of weakness against me.

OP- for heavens sake.You should hope that you break your ankle so that you might advance your understanding of the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally baby him about this. And when you are next out of commission, expect the same!

The thing is, I am pretty sure he will only remember how I wasn't ideal about babying him, and will justify his own unwillingness to help me should I need help.

Well the guy needs help right now. So if you're not willing or don't want to shoulder the whole thing yourself, it's time to call on his buddies and family members (or tell him to do it). See if they'll be willing to lend a hand, keep him company, drive him to appts - while you get a break.

Good Grief OP- you ARE being imperfect. But more than that, you are being a bit of an ass. Hate to say it, but guess what: life is not fair. He could be a raging asshole, but right now, if you are being the asshole, it kind of does not matter. Sucks, doesnt it? I feel ya.

[Anonymous]

OP,
It depends how bad the break is, too. A PP said a week. A bad break can take longer. Really, childcare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, wow, this IS the reality check I needed!
PPs are right, I have never broken a bone (knock on wood), so I just truly don't know.
Plus, with every minor cold my H acts like he can't be bothered to do anything, he is in major pain, needs hot tea served to him in front if the tv, etc etc.
plus he broke it purely out of stupidity, I asked him not to do what he did but if course he never listened

he is not on painkillers luckily
yes he broke it two days ago. I will cut him slack this week. But he can certainly be home alone for like 2-4 hours, right?

You can leave him for as long as you want.

He is an adult and he can figure how to get around. He doesn't need a babysitter and he doesn't need you to wait on him hand and foot.

I spent all with my toddler at home by myself when I was in a cast with crutches from the day after getting a cast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I always wonder about people who don't believe others when they say they're sick or in pain. Do the suspicious ones fake illnesses and thus think others do as well? It makes me think the person must be dishonest herself.

I sometimes suspect people are "faking" as you put it. It's not that I think their injury or illness is false, it's just that the level of pain I would have to be in in order to ask someone to wait on me hand and foot is pretty high. For someone to have, say, a bad cold and be lying on the couch watching tv and ask me to fix them some soup--let's just say that I would have to be a lot sicker than that. It's not that I think they aren't sick, I just don't understand why sickness should entitle them to become a problem that I have to solve.

OP, you are being really awful about this. Obviously this is due to a long history of dysfunction. You don't feel you can trust your husband to put the wellbeing of your child or yourself before his preferences. I agree that I wouldn't want to be in a marriage like that. But I encourage you to get some counseling before you end things, mainly because you sound very bitter about it all, and you don't want to take that attitude with you into a new chapter of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I always wonder about people who don't believe others when they say they're sick or in pain. Do the suspicious ones fake illnesses and thus think others do as well? It makes me think the person must be dishonest herself.

I sometimes suspect people are "faking" as you put it. It's not that I think their injury or illness is false, it's just that the level of pain I would have to be in in order to ask someone to wait on me hand and foot is pretty high. For someone to have, say, a bad cold and be lying on the couch watching tv and ask me to fix them some soup--let's just say that I would have to be a lot sicker than that. It's not that I think they aren't sick, I just don't understand why sickness should entitle them to become a problem that I have to solve.

OP, you are being really awful about this. Obviously this is due to a long history of dysfunction. You don't feel you can trust your husband to put the wellbeing of your child or yourself before his preferences. I agree that I wouldn't want to be in a marriage like that. But I encourage you to get some counseling before you end things, mainly because you sound very bitter about it all, and you don't want to take that attitude with you into a new chapter of your life.

Pp here. Oh, I would not expect someone to serve me soup if I had a cold (though that would be nice)! But that is different from not believing someone is sick and needs help. Or just needs to work from home because he is too tired and congested to come in to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I always wonder about people who don't believe others when they say they're sick or in pain. Do the suspicious ones fake illnesses and thus think others do as well? It makes me think the person must be dishonest herself.

I sometimes suspect people are "faking" as you put it. It's not that I think their injury or illness is false, it's just that the level of pain I would have to be in in order to ask someone to wait on me hand and foot is pretty high. For someone to have, say, a bad cold and be lying on the couch watching tv and ask me to fix them some soup--let's just say that I would have to be a lot sicker than that. It's not that I think they aren't sick, I just don't understand why sickness should entitle them to become a problem that I have to solve.

OP, you are being really awful about this. Obviously this is due to a long history of dysfunction. You don't feel you can trust your husband to put the wellbeing of your child or yourself before his preferences. I agree that I wouldn't want to be in a marriage like that. But I encourage you to get some counseling before you end things, mainly because you sound very bitter about it all, and you don't want to take that attitude with you into a new chapter of your life.

I had several sessions of counseling recently (before the ankle thing, obv.), they actually made my desire to leave even stronger.
I understand he needs me and I am in no way mean to him. But I tried to find out if he feels he is wrong in any way- telling me awful things before he was disabled, wanting me to leave, not thinking about his family before engaging in dangerous and unnecessary activities- I don't feel any remorse or appreciation from him. Maybe he is too embarrassed to show it, but I doubt it. I think he will "take his revenge" after he feels better just to feel less ashamed, trying to downplay my role.
I just see it so clearly. One has to be in control of him and the situation. If he is in control/responsible, he becomes a tiny tyrant.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a terrible marriage. Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

As a person who gas broken my feet, leg and ankles tons of times, OP you are really insensitive. With a broken ankle the leg needs to be elevated all the time, so standing around on crutches has the leg hanging down. It will kill because it will swell and throb unless the ankle is higher than the heart. When he is sitting still with it elevated, the ankle will still hurt. You need to step up and help. He can't be cooking and cleaning. Seriously.

I would advise you to call a medical supply vendor and rent a wheelchair or these push scooter things where his knee would rest on a pad, and he would push himself (would be in place of crutches).

And which ankle, bc if it is his right how will he drive???