If you grew up poor...

[Anonymous]

We grew up in the Deep South in the 80s and 90s and became poor when my dad lost his job and from then suffered from major depression and had spotty employment. My mom did the best she could and held down 2 jobs, but there were 11 mouths to feed and we lived in a 3 bedroom, one bath house in the 'hood.
When I was young, my mother would climb into the dumpsters behind schools and daycares to retrieve tossed out books and educational toys. She'd clean them up with bleach and water and use them to help teach us reading and math.
Both my parents were college educated and stressed education, so we were excellent students. God help you if you brought home mediocre grades. My parents did not play.
We were also talented athletes and dancers, something else my parents encouraged. We took cheap courses in dance at the YMCA and free classes in school. Coaches often gave us extra lessons for free. Most of us went on to play a sport or dance in high school and college.
My mother loved and loves public radio. She'd play classical music and Broadway show tunes while making a veggie stew or baking bread. To this day, I play NPR while cooking.
We never went hungry and came up with creative recipes out of the most meager ingredients. Huge pots of veggie stew, fresh fried fish with steaming piles of rice, fresh veggies from the market baked into casseroles. She bought day old bread at a bakery thrift store and these little gingerbread cookies with pink icing that we shared in the backseat of the car.
The librarian at the library up the road thought we were awesome. We were the only kids in the neighborhood who always came and always participated in the summer reading program. She would pull out discarded books for us and send them home for us to keep.
We spent summers at the community rec pool and were all on the swim team. Hell, there were so many of us we were practically the team.
Mom often took took us to the museum, which I loved.
When I grew older, I bought all of my sisters' prom dresses. We were recently able to make a huge donation to charity of these dresses. That felt great.
Every single one of us won scholarships and went to college (the youngest is a rising junior). Most of us have gone on to get graduate or law degrees.
We love sharing stories about how we grew up at Thanksgiving dinner.
Ok, that's enough...I'm misty now. Gonna go call my mama.

[Anonymous]

Even though we were poor, there was a family who lived behind us who were poorer. They had 8 children and parents with health issues. I was in elementary school, don't remember the details of their hardship, but just remember they were poor but happy. I played with their kids a lot, and we had no notion of wealth.

Each December my mom managed to scrape together $10 and would take me with her to the Salvation Army, where we'd collect a bunch of toys in decent condition. We'd take them home, wrap them, and my mom would deliver them to the family's mom. My strongest memory of my childhood is the tears and joy of the family following this event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ziplock bags over my shoes, tied with rubber bands, instead of snow boots. Mom's idea. I was in second grade and thought it was brilliant. Until everyone made fun of me.

I grew up with money but my mom who grew up poor made me do this. Ridiculous.

I'm that PP. I make sure my kids always have good quality boots and other weather gear. I will never forget the shame... I can only guess your mom wasn't teased?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories. They are heartbreaking. I'm curious how you all were able yo break the cycle? How were you able to make better choices?

Education for me. And a mother who grew up middle class but who married badly. Don't underestimate learning middle class values even if you can't always practice them. Poor people can barely make it day to day. There is no room to think about putting some money away for an emergency. Don't even think about saving for retirement. I was taught these things were important though. Today, I''m not as well off as my work colleagues of a similar age. But I'm doing OK.

I worry dearly about the public school system and kids who have to get tremendous loans for college. These are HUGE barriers for lower income kids today.

[Anonymous]

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-things-nobody-tells-you-about-being-poor/



http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-things-politicians-will-never-understand-about-poor-people/

[Anonymous]

I wasnt as poor as a lot of the people on here but I remember not being able to have things my friends had.
I went to school in England and in the 4th year of Junior school ( age 11ish) the whole year went on a week long adventure holiday.
I was the only kid who couldnt afford to go....devastating. I had to spend the week in the classroom of the year below.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wasnt as poor as a lot of the people on here but I remember not being able to have things my friends had.
I went to school in England and in the 4th year of Junior school ( age 11ish) the whole year went on a week long adventure holiday.
I was the only kid who couldnt afford to go....devastating. I had to spend the week in the classroom of the year below.

I'm sorry, that must have been hard being the only one. Truth be told though, even as a middle class family, I don't know if I would have le my kid go, depending on costs. I've declined similar trips like this.

[Anonymous]

I really appreciate the stories everyone has shared. Thank you. You have offered perspective and I am thankful for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We grew up in the Deep South in the 80s and 90s and became poor when my dad lost his job and from then suffered from major depression and had spotty employment. My mom did the best she could and held down 2 jobs, but there were 11 mouths to feed and we lived in a 3 bedroom, one bath house in the 'hood.
When I was young, my mother would climb into the dumpsters behind schools and daycares to retrieve tossed out books and educational toys. She'd clean them up with bleach and water and use them to help teach us reading and math.
Both my parents were college educated and stressed education, so we were excellent students. God help you if you brought home mediocre grades. My parents did not play.
We were also talented athletes and dancers, something else my parents encouraged. We took cheap courses in dance at the YMCA and free classes in school. Coaches often gave us extra lessons for free. Most of us went on to play a sport or dance in high school and college.
My mother loved and loves public radio. She'd play classical music and Broadway show tunes while making a veggie stew or baking bread. To this day, I play NPR while cooking.
We never went hungry and came up with creative recipes out of the most meager ingredients. Huge pots of veggie stew, fresh fried fish with steaming piles of rice, fresh veggies from the market baked into casseroles. She bought day old bread at a bakery thrift store and these little gingerbread cookies with pink icing that we shared in the backseat of the car.
The librarian at the library up the road thought we were awesome. We were the only kids in the neighborhood who always came and always participated in the summer reading program. She would pull out discarded books for us and send them home for us to keep.
We spent summers at the community rec pool and were all on the swim team. Hell, there were so many of us we were practically the team.
Mom often took took us to the museum, which I loved.
When I grew older, I bought all of my sisters' prom dresses. We were recently able to make a huge donation to charity of these dresses. That felt great.
Every single one of us won scholarships and went to college (the youngest is a rising junior). Most of us have gone on to get graduate or law degrees.
We love sharing stories about how we grew up at Thanksgiving dinner.
Ok, that's enough...I'm misty now. Gonna go call my mama.

Oh my gosh, your mama sounds wonderful!! It sounds like you had a very rich life.

[Anonymous]

My dad grew up very poor. He used to tell stories about how he never recognized that b/c people treated him and his family with a lot of respect.

small town, another country

He said he would be thrilled just getting fruit and nuts for Christmas!

He used education to push himself forward, took advantage of what the US had to offer him, learned a trade, and was NEVER cheap with his money.

I grew up with everything and to this day, as an adult with two children, could never provide for them the way my parents provided for me.

funny how life works!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We grew up in the Deep South in the 80s and 90s and became poor when my dad lost his job and from then suffered from major depression and had spotty employment. My mom did the best she could and held down 2 jobs, but there were 11 mouths to feed and we lived in a 3 bedroom, one bath house in the 'hood.
When I was young, my mother would climb into the dumpsters behind schools and daycares to retrieve tossed out books and educational toys. She'd clean them up with bleach and water and use them to help teach us reading and math.
Both my parents were college educated and stressed education, so we were excellent students. God help you if you brought home mediocre grades. My parents did not play.
We were also talented athletes and dancers, something else my parents encouraged. We took cheap courses in dance at the YMCA and free classes in school. Coaches often gave us extra lessons for free. Most of us went on to play a sport or dance in high school and college.
My mother loved and loves public radio. She'd play classical music and Broadway show tunes while making a veggie stew or baking bread. To this day, I play NPR while cooking.
We never went hungry and came up with creative recipes out of the most meager ingredients. Huge pots of veggie stew, fresh fried fish with steaming piles of rice, fresh veggies from the market baked into casseroles. She bought day old bread at a bakery thrift store and these little gingerbread cookies with pink icing that we shared in the backseat of the car.
The librarian at the library up the road thought we were awesome. We were the only kids in the neighborhood who always came and always participated in the summer reading program. She would pull out discarded books for us and send them home for us to keep.
We spent summers at the community rec pool and were all on the swim team. Hell, there were so many of us we were practically the team.
Mom often took took us to the museum, which I loved.
When I grew older, I bought all of my sisters' prom dresses. We were recently able to make a huge donation to charity of these dresses. That felt great.
Every single one of us won scholarships and went to college (the youngest is a rising junior). Most of us have gone on to get graduate or law degrees.
We love sharing stories about how we grew up at Thanksgiving dinner.
Ok, that's enough...I'm misty now. Gonna go call my mama.

This is a beautiful story, I hear so many dysfunctional family stories. Amazing that all 11 of you stayed on the same path and it doesn't sound like there were issues of feelings of impoverishment, lack of self esteem, experimenting with drug/alcohol or mental illness/learning disorders. Maybe there were issues in these areas but as a family the support was there. And, everyone seems to have or are on their way to become productive citizens.

Your parents sound great, especially your mom. I'm glad she didn't have to go it alone as a single parent.

I do believe you had a charmed childhood. Do all of your siblings remember growing up in your family's household just as fondly?

[Anonymous]

I identified with the poster who said they went sledding on a pizza tray. That made me smile. I never thought we were poor but I did feel we had less than my age mates. My parents were/are hippies so while we grew up with NPR and the New Yorker- there was no a/c, no dance or swim classes or any other classes besides at school, clothes were all from Goodwill and new shoes from Grandma once a year were a real treat. Classmates asking if my mom made my clothes mortified me. No birthday parties- nor did we do the birthday party circuit. Bills were always paid though so the lights stayed on- I will credit my parents with living within their means though I know they got help from their parents from time to time. Thanks to the PPs for sharing their stories

[Anonymous]

I posted early on.

It is amazing how similar many of our stories are.

We used bread bags for our shoes in the snow.

As soon as we started earning money (usually around 10 or so) older siblings would help to pay for younger siblings' special things like going out with friends, so the younger siblings might not experience the same embarrassment that we did growing up. My older brother actually paid for a few prom/homecoming dresses for one of my sisters, after he went off to the Navy.

I argue constantly with my husband about the thermostat. He wants it set to the most eco friendly, cost effective temperature. I want to have it set at a comfortable temperature, and don't want to fight over the temperature because we can afford to have it at any temperature. I remember what it was like to be cold in the winter and sweltering in the summer, not by choice but by necessity.

When we bought our home, I couldn't stop crying. I just couldn't stop thinking of what we grew up in, and how much we struggled growing up, and how nice this house was and how far I had some. My husband was sympathetic, but couldn't understand why I was so emotional. It it a typical NOVa 1970s colonial, in a middle class neighborhood, and we have been at least middle-upper middle throughout our entire marriage. He can't "get it", my friends don't either, but I bet the people posting here do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We grew up in the Deep South in the 80s and 90s and became poor when my dad lost his job and from then suffered from major depression and had spotty employment. My mom did the best she could and held down 2 jobs, but there were 11 mouths to feed and we lived in a 3 bedroom, one bath house in the 'hood.
When I was young, my mother would climb into the dumpsters behind schools and daycares to retrieve tossed out books and educational toys. She'd clean them up with bleach and water and use them to help teach us reading and math.
Both my parents were college educated and stressed education, so we were excellent students. God help you if you brought home mediocre grades. My parents did not play.
We were also talented athletes and dancers, something else my parents encouraged. We took cheap courses in dance at the YMCA and free classes in school. Coaches often gave us extra lessons for free. Most of us went on to play a sport or dance in high school and college.
My mother loved and loves public radio. She'd play classical music and Broadway show tunes while making a veggie stew or baking bread. To this day, I play NPR while cooking.
We never went hungry and came up with creative recipes out of the most meager ingredients. Huge pots of veggie stew, fresh fried fish with steaming piles of rice, fresh veggies from the market baked into casseroles. She bought day old bread at a bakery thrift store and these little gingerbread cookies with pink icing that we shared in the backseat of the car.
The librarian at the library up the road thought we were awesome. We were the only kids in the neighborhood who always came and always participated in the summer reading program. She would pull out discarded books for us and send them home for us to keep.
We spent summers at the community rec pool and were all on the swim team. Hell, there were so many of us we were practically the team.
Mom often took took us to the museum, which I loved.
When I grew older, I bought all of my sisters' prom dresses. We were recently able to make a huge donation to charity of these dresses. That felt great.
Every single one of us won scholarships and went to college (the youngest is a rising junior). Most of us have gone on to get graduate or law degrees.
We love sharing stories about how we grew up at Thanksgiving dinner.
Ok, that's enough...I'm misty now. Gonna go call my mama.

This is a beautiful story, I hear so many dysfunctional family stories. Amazing that all 11 of you stayed on the same path and it doesn't sound like there were issues of feelings of impoverishment, lack of self esteem, experimenting with drug/alcohol or mental illness/learning disorders. Maybe there were issues in these areas but as a family the support was there. And, everyone seems to have or are on their way to become productive citizens.

Your parents sound great, especially your mom. I'm glad she didn't have to go it alone as a single parent.

I do believe you had a charmed childhood. Do all of your siblings remember growing up in your family's household just as fondly?

Thank you. It's only now that I'm a parent that I realize how blessed we were. It wasn't always easy or perfect. Our dad loved us but really didn't always provide what we needed emotionally or financially. I had it tougher than my siblings and was old enough to see and understand what was happening. As an adult, I've come to terms with the impact of his mental illness and have forgiven his shortcomings. That said, the man was/is brilliant and taught us to think critically and analytically.
He's a much happier and healthier person now and my mom is basking in her well deserved golden years, surrounded by grandkids, and adored by all of us.

[Anonymous]

I did not grow up poor, but my father had mental health issues that included being pathologically frugal. He never worked after I was 7, but fortunately my mom had a PhD and was able to get a good job. BUT my dad ruled the roost and very little money was spent. My parents went to 3-4 grocery stores and bought up all the dented cans and day old bread. We did not go to the doctor unless we were on death's door (despite having insurance). I remember having painful ear infections and never going to the doctor. All our clothes (including underwear!) were hand-me-downs from my mom's college friends. We never had TV, did not have a phone until I was in about 9th grade, and got a car when I was in 6th grade. We drank powdered milk and Tang. I could go on. . .

That said - I did have winter boots, never went to bed hungry, and my parents paid for our college education (although refused to pay for anything other than our state university; my dad even refused to fill out student loan documents so that we could borrow money).

We weren't poor, but I certainly had an unusual childhood!