Want a baby but not in the best place financially..
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
Yeah, I never see those women as strong if they have more than one kid. I think of them as kind of obtuse and dumb. |
Anonymous
|
OP here. I didn't mean to make this thread all about whether or not I should get married, but I understand the concern and emphasis on it. You've all made great points and clearly I myself wasn't putting enough concern into it.
Thank you everyone. |
Anonymous
|
I think it makes more sense for you and your BF to get married as you will take home more money.
We're around the same age and I think part of it is biological. I already have one yet my body is screaming for another baby. I don't actually think I'll be ready for #2 until my early 30s. |
Anonymous
Yup, also trashy. |
Anonymous
| OP i waited until 35 to try for financial reasons. I waited too long, but OH WELL. Now I am an "old mom". |
Anonymous
Did you have your baby at age 35? Not too bad. |
Anonymous
|
I'm similar to you, OP, but I'm 24 and recently married. We had a simple wedding by just getting a person to officiate our wedding at the Jefferson Memorial since we each have family in completely different parts of the world. Only really had our parents and some friends to witness, and then ate lunch at a restaurant. I kept my name, as is traditional in my home country of Italy, so most people think that we aren't married or just call me by his last name anyway.
My husband and I both work for different federal agencies, but we are in the 34-36k range each right now. I just landed a job in another agency with a ladder that should get me to nearly double my current salary in about 3 years, so we may be able to afford trying by the time I'm 27. My husband is still looking for a promotion so that he can move up the ladder as well because he is at the max his current job can pay...if I get pregnant, I'd be on unpaid leave or using up all of my sick/annual. When I turned 24, it was hitting me that my mom had me only 11 days after she turned 24 and that I was nowhere close to being able to do so without being financially in the hole. We downsized a lot over this past year. We used to live out next to the metro station in Vienna, but we found a much more affordable place in south Arlington (though we have to take the bus to metro now). We have been trying to put money aside, but I just finally paid off my car this month, so that is some money to get away from living paycheck to paycheck. Unfortunately we both have pretty hefty student loan payments. All I can say is that I know how you're feeling financially, and it sucks when you want to start a family. |
Anonymous
|
One thing to think about is whether the job you're in now is the one you want forever. If it's fun for right now but not the one you'd want to have with kids and you do think you'd keep working for at least some of their childhood, now is a good time to think about what you would do that would be a sustainable family/work balance. And, especially if that requires a bit of extra school, like a teaching certificate or whatever, do that before you have the kid. I think this thread almost over emphasizes the cost of children and the importance of marriage relative to the really hard thing about kids and careers, which is the loss of flexibility. You can do a career re-orientation or additional training after you have kids, but it takes SO much more time and money.
(Though, as one who married primarily to get my DH on my health insurance, rather than a romantic vision of being Princess for a Day, I will point out that being married lets you cost-share in taxes and insurance a lot more effectively and that this makes a financial difference when you have a child.) |
Anonymous
| If the PP thinks becoming a teacher will make your life have a better work/home balance, think again. |