Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, You need to get Sandra Pertot's When Libidos Don't Match. The problem with the advice that you have gotten is that it assumes that all people have a certain "average" sex drive and that if hubby just adds the right ingredients (foreplay, appreciation, communication) presto bingo wifey's libido will rise like fresh bread.
The horrible scary truth is that some people can be in loving relationships with attentive partners and be absolutely happy with very little or no sex at all because that is just the way they are -- not because of underlying medical problems or depression or mental issues. Your wife's abrupt switch suggests that is possibly the case with her.
But how can her passionate enjoyment of sex during your courtship be accounted for? I believe it is possible for a person to unconsciously conceal true preferences in the short-term to achieve happiness in the long-term.
Think of it this way: If you had a very good chance to win the lottery and be set for life might your joy at the prospect not cause you to act in uncharacteristically carefree ways? Normally you don't gamble but now you hit the slots. You didn't drink much before but have champagne regularly now with friends who want to congratulate you on your good fortune. Months later, after the check has been handed over, and you have begun to adust to the reality of life as a multimillionaire the gambling and drinking will decline. You will return to your normal life habits. You are happy with your fortune but not obligated to go to Bergdorf G every week because that's not who you really are or ever have been.
The low-libidoed know subconsciously how rare they are and that restricting themselves to other low-libidoed mates would severely limit their options. Additionally, choosing a low-libido partner like themselves will lower their chances of producing offspring. What non-low-libido prospective mate is going to hear "Darling, are you as excited as I am by the prospect of a lifetime of having sex once every 18 months?" and not head for the nearest exit no matter how attractive, intelligent, or successful the person in question is?
They have a powerful interest in concealing their condition that forces them to lie to themselves and others until they have secured the desired mate.
This sounds like a bunch of bullshit.
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